3 Reasons Why Comparison is Harmful
#1: Comparison throws shades to our own gifts and singularity
Comparison is a common human practice. Humans constantly evaluate themselves, and others, across domains such as attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, and success. We do it consciously and often unconsciously. What we don’t fully internalise is that it is a biased and unreliable practice. Plus it leads one to constant dissatisfaction. Social media and the blogging sphere amplify that reality. I do recognize that used wisely and intentionally social media can be of great value. For the marketing era it is a great channel and platform to closely reach the defined audience and right target but socially speaking I see little value into how it enhances human connections and genuine interactions for the best. Psychologists such as Leon Festinger have studied the impacts of social comparison toward individuals. He came to realise that people who regularly compare themselves to others often experience feelings of deep dissatisfaction, guilt, or remorse, and engage in destructive behaviors like lying or disordered eating. Not only pejorative conclusions were found, the researches also found that these comparisons can sometimes be healthy measures of development, such as a child reaching certain growth milestones at the same time as their peers.
I remember the schooling periods, If I would come home with a grade that wasn’t an A, I would hear my mum’ says: sure you can do better, look how x, y did great on this. I bet you also have the ability to do the same. I get the good intention behind that observation (love you mum’ ❤) and it improves the competitiveness (that is healthy at some extend) and it leads one to push further. My mum’s approach worked well on me academically. But growing up I understood that it is not an intrinsic kind of motivation meaning that the factors influencing that motivation are outside my reach, thus making that one unstable. Because at the end of the day what x, y reached does not mean it is what I necessary need to achieve as well. The sea is plenty of many other possibilities to swim by and still get well and safe at the other side.
I believe each of us were put on this earth for a specific purpose, we have each singular gifts that can contribute to this world in many diversified ways, wanting to copy paste other people’s aspirations, dreams, way of living is a huge waste of personal potential, and a loss for the whole humanity.
We aren’t responsible to make sure to measure up to the people around us. We’re responsible to do the creative best we can with our own lives.
Here below 3 reasons comparison does us humans more harm than good
#1: Comparison throws shades to our own gifts and singularity
From the way we were conceived to the way we were born, the process was done in a unique and specific way. At birth, we were born alone (except twins, triplets etc.). So we therefore have a singular path that awaits us in life — same for twins, triplets etc. Wanting to follow the one of your fellow human being (you may look up to) is losing sight to your own, or at least take a detour in your journey. It also makes you focus less of what you are made and capable of.
#2: Comparison is an illusion
Comparison to others does not make sense in the long run. Let’s imagine that you compare the life you have to any other one’s. From one side you take as a comparison point what you perceive to be your life: you have full overview upon it. You see both the above and the bellow part of the iceberg. On the other side you only see the 10% of the Iceberg, you only see what you perceive from their life’s projected publicly. But in reality you miss all the 90% underneath the iceberg. And that’s where the illusion lies. Next time we are all tempted to compare, let’s remember this.
#3: Comparison: straight path towards constant dissatisfaction
Naturally as a by product of comparing things that cannot be compared, one ends up not finding the answers thus leading one to be frustrated and constantly dissatisfied. We also compare based on the perceivable outcomes but we rarely have the possibility to look underneath: all the effort, work and sacrifices made to produce those outcomes we look at while comparing. It is that lack of underneath perspective that makes the one comparing be constantly dissatisfied.
And finally, as long as you compare yourself to others, you will be led astray and feel like it’s not good enough, because you measure up to someone outside of yourself. As it is often said and written: the best comparison ever is the one with the being you were yesterday. Taking the habit of comparing oneself to oneself is the healthiest, safest kind of comparison that one can make. It is also the one that makes the most sense if you deeply look at it. Because no one goes through life journey the exact same way (not even twins, triplets etc.), so why on earth would one want to compare oneself to any other?
I feel like my biggest competition is myself. A lot of kids get caught up in the comparing game — comparing themselves with Michael Jackson, comparing themselves with Michael Jordan. You gotta be your best. You gotta overcome your own fears. — Romeo Miller
Any thoughts on this?
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Until next time dear reader, take care, look up, be in the moment, enjoy the gift of life. Spend time getting to know your awesome self and once you discover that you won’t be willing to be any other than your gorgeous self.
One love✨💜
Source of inspiration:
- Personal experience
- Minds of my favorite authors among others Oprah, Tony Robbins, Ruiz Miguel, Maya Angelou, Malcom Gladwell, Ryan Holiday, Mark Manson..
- Study, research resource: Festinger, Leon. (1954).A Theory of Social Comparison Processes, Retrieved September 12, 2007