3 Traits of Type A Personalities and Help for Those Who Want to Change

For those exhausted souls addicted to the grind, it’s probably time you started rethinking some things

A co-worker once told me my casual style and overachieving personality didn’t match.

He made this comment on a teacher workday, a time I usually forego my conservative “teacher wear” for holey jeans, a boho shirt, and flip flops.

And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand that psychology, not fashion, drives my wardrobe.

For example, my hippy clothes are a reflection of the secret life I want to live. A life where I’m completely okay with myself and my place in the world. A life where long walks on the beach and bonfires are more important than buying a fancy new car or being top dog at work.

But that peaceful lifestyle I long for always manages to take second place to my need to achieve.

The truth is I’ve never met a silver medal I liked — because unless I grab the gold, I’m nobody special.

And maybe your life is much the same.

You’re pushing, constantly pushing to reach the next milestone, accomplishment, or title.

If so, you’re probably “type A,” a term doctors and researchers define as “individuals who are highly competitive, work-driven, time-conscious, and aggressive.”

Traits of the Type-A Personality

Many people think of type A individuals as hard workers, but there’s a difference between working hard and making work your life. There’s also a difference between wanting to be the best and needing to be.

And type A’s live to be the best.

To others, this quest for perfection may seem admirable. Still, for type A’s, it’s a self-constructed prison, a way of living that manifests itself in several predictable ways.

Here are a few of them.

Type A’s can’t slow down

Do you get frustrated when you’re shopping and people in front of you saunter along without a care in the world? Do you seethe inside when you’re at a business meeting and people make small talk for fifteen minutes before getting down to business?

This “need for speed” is a common trait of type A personalities like me. And the thing is, we don’t want to “get on with things” so we can go home and relax. Instead, we want to rush things along to get to other items on our to-do lists.

Professor of psychology John Schaubroeck explains this type A phenomenon as “time urgency.”

This is why many type A people tend to multi-task. Type A’s do this because the more we can do at one time, the more we can do more at one time.

It’s a perpetual cycle propelled by a constant need to accomplish as much as possible in a certain amount of time.

And even when there’s no impending deadline, type A’s live like there is.

Why?

I’ll tell you.

Type A’s are highly competitive

In the world we live in, follower counts, fancy titles, and six-figure incomes are the things that often define the winners and losers at life.

And as long as type A’s see someone with a bigger salary, higher weight loss, or more impressive status, chances are they’re not going to slow down until they exceed the competition.

Everyday Health explains the needs that motivate type A personalities:

“A type A personality does not simply work to complete a project, they work to complete a project better, faster and with a greater passion than other personalities would.”

And if you’re type A, even when you’ve reached a large amount of acclaim, you’re still not satisfied. So even though type A’s know they may be overreaching by chasing the unrealistic fantasy of having it all, they remain unfazed. Because it’s all about being the best. And however many people tell type-A individuals they’re already the best at what they do, it’s not enough.

Because they’re not only in competition with others, they’re in competition with themselves.

So why is enough never enough for type A’s?

Type A’s crave validation

Why do type A personalities work so hard for material wealth and status?

It often comes from a deep-rooted need for validation.

Perhaps they were bullied as children. Maybe they lived with parents who never thought they measured up. It could be that for some reason they feel the need to prove themselves to others.

Whatever the motivating factor, type A’s usually seek acceptance and admiration. They need to know that others see them as someone important because they generally hold themselves in low regard.

And that’s where the over-work comes in. It’s the need to feel worthy.

Type A people will work two hours after work simply for a pat on the shoulder from the boss. They will apply for job promotions that require much more work than their original position, even if the pay increase is ridiculously low. They’ll spend hours at the gym even when they are exhausted from an all-night study session.

In an article entitled “Relation Between Insecurity and Type A Behavior,” doctor Virginia Price and colleagues explain the connection between type A behavior and low self-esteem. They state:

“Type A insecurity refers to a lack of inner confidence in self-worth coupled with a belief that the lack of worth can be overcome by trying hard enough in life. Type A subjects act as if they believe they can triumph over this inner sense of insecurity by relentlessly accomplishing more and more (e.g., by always winning, always doing everything right, getting everything under control, and being all things to all people).”

How to tame type A behavior

If you’re genuinely a type A like me, chances are you’re tired of living on the proverbial hamster wheel.

For example, I often feel jealous that my husband and children come home, sit on the couch, and just “Netflix and chill.” I think of how freeing it would be to just be in the moment, relaxing and enjoying life’s small pleasures. I think about how wonderful it would be to let go of the “be the best” baggage heaped upon my shoulders twenty-four hours a day.

And if you’re a type A, you’re probably craving the same release as me.

This is why I know I need to make changes. Maybe you’re thinking you do too.

So, here are some things to try.

Decide what’s most important

I know it’s hard to let go of the “I can do it all if I just work hard enough” mentality.

But you have to give up this fantasy. Because it’s a lie.

Every choice we make is a choice to sacrifice something else. That’s the naked truth, even if it’s a bit distasteful.

So ultimately, the choice is what you want to sacrifice.

And don’t let society’s opinions weigh heavily on your decision about what’s most important.

Many of the world’s wealthiest and most successful people have chosen to make work and material success their goal. Because of this, they have bedrooms larger than my house.

The fact is that your dreams and passions are yours, and no one has the right to tell you they’re wrong.

But you need to decide if your priorities lie in the outside world or the inside world. You need to determine what you want so you can find true happiness.

For example, are you like me? An overachiever with a true desire to live a balanced life?

Then working all hours of the day is not going to get you there.

That’s not to say that deciding to seek peace means giving up all your aspirations. It just means choosing one or two areas of focus and putting up stop signs where you leave the work behind at times.

For example, here are things you might want to consider:

• Make time limits for when you will work outside of work, or decide not to bring work home at all.
• If your passion requires time outside your regular job, then pick your peak hours of energy and productivity and work only during these periods. For instance, when I reach six o’clock, I’m mentally done. To push myself to work past that time is ineffective, so I’m stopping then to recharge, relax, and spend more time with my family.
• Choose work days and no work days during your week. Not only does this provide you with a set “time out,” but it has also been found to increase your productivity when you return to work. For example, an article in INC entitled “Why Taking Time Off Is Good for Your Brain” explains why every type A needs to make time to put down the work. They state:

“Push yourself through too many hours or days of work and your brain starts to push back. Ideas that once flowed easily dry up, and tasks that you should be able to perform quickly become excruciatingly difficult. … That’s completely counterproductive — you need to give your brain, and yourself, some rest.

Create a “life list” along with your “to-do” list

Huffpost gives this advice, highlighting that type A’s need to pre-plan times in their busy lifestyles to do things that reconnect them to the rewards of slower living.

They state that making happiness and tranquility a part of your to-do list will eventually lead to you doing these actions without consciously having to pencil them in.

So make spaces in your schedule for family nights out, time reading or engaging in your favorite hobby, or soothing walks around the block after work.

And do this regularly so that, as time passes, these actions will become ingrained into your daily life.

Be more self-aware

Often, we run on auto-pilot. We’re so used to our routines that we don’t see the ways we self-sabotage. And for type A’s who are tired of the fatigue, stress, and endless “doing” that is their lives, working on being more self-aware may be a way out of the madness.

One way to do this is to make a list of your type-A behaviors, both physical and emotional, that hinder your ability to relax. Notice when these times occur and spend a moment analyzing them.

For example, when you feel your insides boiling because someone in front of you is checking out with a buggy full of groceries in a twelve items or less lane, ask yourself if your physical reaction is rational. Are another five or ten minutes in line worth a racing heart and rising blood pressure?

And when you find yourself feeling frustrated that your goals aren’t being met fast enough, ask yourself why your emotional response is so intense.

For instance, will your world fall to pieces if it takes you six months instead of four to shed those last fifteen pounds? Will some great devastation result from taking two hours off your work-time to spend an evening with your family?

Asking these types of questions can help type A’s see their thoughts in a more rational light. And if this self-awareness becomes entrenched in their everyday lives, it can help them greatly improve their quality of life.

Better Up lists the positive ways that self-awareness can change our lives. They state that it helps us make better decisions, improves our relationships, allows us more control over our emotions, and erases assumptions and biases that limit our ability to be happy.

And if a type-A person wants to break the cycle of anxiety and overwork, all of these benefits mentioned above can lead them more closely to the balance and contentment they seek.

The bottom line:

Marigold Wellington says:

“I live to enjoy life by the littlest things, feeling the grass between my toes, breathing fresh air, watching the wind sway the trees, enjoying the company of loved ones, a deep conversation, getting lost in a good book, going for a walk in nature, watching my kids grow up. Just the feeling itself of being alive, the absolute amazing fact that we are here right now, breathing, thinking, doing.”

This beautiful life Wellington describes is not one I’m living. But I want to.

And it’s a lifestyle I’m going to work at.

I’ll still have an intense desire to achieve, but I can take steps to have a life that combines productivity and pleasure and serenity and success.

So can you.

Best of luck, and maybe I’ll see you at the beach. I’ll be the one splashing and laughing in the surf instead of checking my emails on the sand.