3 Traits Of Highly Insecure College Friends.

You got to step back and reflect, if you notice yourself doing any of these.

It was my first year in College. There I was in a local bar, age 19, spending my last cash on alcoholic drinks and getting drunk with new friends, all in the name of fitting in.

Back when I was in secondary school, I was known to be the quiet and reserved type. I usually try to avoid anything that could bring attention to me and try to stay away from things that could probably put me in trouble.

But then, before entering college, I decided that I would not live the life I did in secondary school. I would go out, do what cool people do(Back then, I had no idea what cool people do) and of course make friends.

I mean how difficult could it be?

I made friends with three other first year students in my department. They were all guys. I was excited and I thought this would be great; I had three guys I could hang out with, be ‘cool’ with and do ‘cool’ things with.

But after a few weeks of hanging out with my new buddies, it came to my realisation that I really, truly sucked at being cool. And what was the problem? I was an insecure friend.

Thinking about it now, if I was to go back in time, to see myself, I would hug me so tight and call myself an idiot. I will bring to my notice that the things I was doing, would only drain the life out of me. I will go on to tell myself to go out there and be the best I can and enjoy my college life the way I know how.

Down below are 3 traits I found very toxic. They were exhausting, they made me look like shit and they made me look small. In all, it just shows how insecure I was in myself and when I was around my friends.

But for me, I had zero per cent interest in that sport, to make things worse I fall as sleep whenever I watch a match.

So here they are:

1. You feel your hobbies are lame.

So when I became friends with those three guys, I found out that, apart from the fact that four of us were course mates, there interests were the same.

They love to play football — whether it’s on a console or they are in the field or they are watching it live on television, as long as it relates to 22 men on a field, kicking an innocent ball, they love it.

But for me, I had zero per cent interest in that sport, to make things worse I fall as sleep whenever I watch a match.

But because I wanted to be cool, I thought I needed to do the things cool people do. So I stayed awake and watched every live match they watched, I followed them to every club or bar or party they knew, and got myself drunk more times than I could count. And not once did I mention the things I would prefer to be doing with my time.

Hiding yourself is the surest way to self-hatred.

You should never feel embarrassed or ashamed of your passion, no matter if the people around you see what you do as weird. Whether it is writing poetry, drawing and painting flowers, studying particular specie of insect don’t be ashamed of it.

When you are being truthful and honest to yourself, and you enjoy the things you do, you’ll attract people that have similar interest to you.

When that happens, you will find out that hanging out with them is way cooler than hanging out with people who you have nothing in common with.

So free your inner weirdness.

2. You’ll feel financially pressured.

I began to feel financially stressed. Because to be cool and still be with my friends, I had to make sure I keep up with them financially.

Those bottles of alcohol, I consumed in a bar or at a club, are not going to pay themselves you know.

And because I wanted to play the part of being cool, I had to look the part too. Whatever the expensive outfit or accessories they buy, I had to buy for myself also. It was — it was crazy.

I was lucky, in the sense that I had something doing that brought in money, but at the rate I was squandering my money on things that were so irrelevant made me weak.

Money does not equal happiness.

We should be prudent about the way we spend. If you are insecure about money, it’s important to create a system to make your financial situations better.

Create a budget. Put down how much you’ve made in a week or month, subtract your bills from how much you’ve made. Whatever that is left, you decide whether you want to spend it or save it.

If you choose to spend it, then its best you spend it on things that bring value to your life and not on liabilities. If you are not wise with your spending, you are going to regret it later in the future and suffer for it — alone. And also you will be surprised that those friends that you spend money on won’t be there to give you a helping hand.

3. You’ll begin to feel jealous of the things they have that you don’t.

On a hot day, while the rest all have their shirt off — revealing abs and chests only Greek gods could have, I had mine on.

I was thin back then. It was something I didn’t think was a problem until they had to take off their shirt.

I tried to be cool with it, but deep down I wasn’t.

It’s all about self-love.

One of the things I believe anyone should focus on, when they are on a journey of body positivity is learning the things about your body that you cannot change. For instance, you cannot change your height or the colour of your eyes. You need to understand and accept that.

But when it comes to the things we can change, they are little things that we could do in our day to day lives that could make a huge impact. Like getting started on some type of workout routine, eating healthier based diet (doesn’t mean that you should avoid eating everything that is pleasurable.) just make healthier choices.

I stormed out of the bar, leaving my friends behind, I decided I was tired of trying to be someone else, all in the name of being cool, fitting in and not to seem like a boring person.

But doing all that was just draining the life out of me.

I began to focus my energy on my school work and also improving on my hobbies — Which one of them was making me money back then.

I focused on developing myself. I avoided staying at home too much; Instead I decided to sign myself up to programs that were related to the things I was interested in.

Which in turn not only helped me develop my hobbies, but also I was able to make friends with people who had similar interest

Doing all this, I began to see value in myself. I began to feel myself not worrying, not stressed out about being cool in other for people to like me.

I didn’t ignore my other friends and they didn’t ignore me too, once in a while they call me to hang out with them and If I’m free I would join them.

But most of the time, I’ll rather be doing the things that interest me.

Live your life for yourself and not for others.

If you find yourself doing any of these three things, you need to sit down, take a deep breath and re-evaluate yourself.