3 Traits of Emotionally Intelligent People

How emotional intelligence can make you a better friend, worker, and partner

Every one of us has emotions. They are an integral part of our nature as human beings.

Emotional intelligence involves the ability to:

perceive one’s emotions and those of other people
distinguish between different kinds of emotions
understand and manage one’s emotions as well as those of others

The amount of emotional intelligence someone possesses is different for each of us. One person can be extremely conscious of their emotional state and be able to manage it, while another person can be completely out of touch with their emotions.

Here are three traits of emotionally intelligent people:

1. They are self-aware of their emotions

Emotionally intelligent people are aware of their feelings as well as those of others. They are also aware of how their actions and moods can affect other people.

People being aware of and paying attention to their own feelings will help them see through the feelings of people around them.

For example, when you live with your partner or a spouse for a long time, you learn to understand each other’s emotions. You know what pushes their buttons and drives them crazy. You feel conscious of their sensitivity level and so you try your best not to hurt them with your words or actions.

Emotionally intelligent people can draw the line between how they feel and how they behave. They know how to pull on the reins and stop their emotions from taking hold of them.

2. They know how to regulate their emotional state

As humans, we experience a diverse range of emotions — anger, fear, sadness, frustration, disappointment. Our emotions are also fleeting and can change depending on circumstances.

Imagine you’re angry at your boss. You don’t just come to the office and lash out. Or say you had a bad day and you feel upset. If you are emotionally intelligent, you won’t start complaining for hours on end to your boss or colleague.

Most likely, you’ll try to wait for the right moment to express your emotions. Maybe during lunch or after work. You’d probably find a way to have a one-on-one conversation with your boss to express how you feel.

Or if someone you know has just lost a loved one and you’ve had a bad week, you’d probably put your emotions on hold until the right time. You will wait until the right moment to start talking about how you feel.

Self-regulation is the key to managing your emotions.

3. They are empathetic towards other people

You know how some people have a “big heart?” They are so mature in their emotional intelligence, their level of support is overflowing when someone needs their support.

Emotionally intelligent people are deeply intuitive. They can sense someone’s emotional state without them being open about it.

Imagine you had a friend who has sunk into depression during the pandemic. You will most likely show your deep concern for their well-being. You’ll talk to them and provide emotional support.

When you closely listen to others and respond openly, you show empathy. Your empathy toward other people helps them feel understood and accepted. By sensing their sadness and hopelessness, you reach out and offer comfort to them, so they feel better.

Empathy is so crucial for maintaining solid friendships and relationships. You can practice more empathy by stepping into someone’s shoes so you’re able to feel exactly how they feel.

“Emotionally intelligent people notice how others are feeling, react appropriately to others, regulate their own emotions, and watch their own behavior to ensure they don’t unnecessarily offend or upset others.”

How you can become emotionally intelligent

Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait you’re born with — it’s something everyone can hone and develop by working on it.

“Emotional Intelligence can be gained and improved at any point in life (Goleman, 2014). Learning emotional intelligence skills needs a resourceful environment where we can picture the areas, or the aspects of E.I. that we should focus on, and seek expert advice on how to do so.”

That means anyone can learn to enhance their level of emotional intelligence at any stage in life if they are willing to work on it.

One easy way to improve your emotional intelligence is by tuning in to your emotions. Every time you feel an emotion, pause, and think about it. Analyze how a particular emotion makes you feel.

Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you depressed? When you pay attention to how you feel, it’ll help you relate and understand other people’s emotions better. Also, you can practice reacting to other people’s emotions in an efficient and socially appropriate way.

“If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people.”

Daniel Goleman

For example, instead of responding to your friend’s angry outburst with anger, you can step back and think of how you can respond to them wisely.

You can also look into a situation from a person’s perspective to understand why he or she feels the way they do or why they acted in a certain way. Taking those factors into consideration will help you relate to them in a more emotionally intelligent way.

Emotional intelligence can impact your ability to interact with others, and so it can affect your work life or your relationships. If you work on it over the course of a lifetime, you’ll improve. And it’s worth it because being emotionally intelligent can make you a better friend, worker, and partner.