3 Toxic “Self-Help” Ideas You Need to Unlearn

Sometimes I get tired of self-help and productivity books

I think it’s safe to say that optimizing my life, work, and brain is my all-time obsession. I’m a self-development fanatic. I spent years polishing a productive routine, building discipline, hacking my mind to beat procrastination and get things done faster. The number of self-help books in my library would blow your mind, and most of the influencers I follow on social media and Medium are in the self-development sphere. I eat, drink, and breathe self-help.

If this enthusiasm helped me manage my life and increase my wellbeing, I beat myself up regularly in the name of “improvement,” especially when I can’t manage to do things recommended by numerous self-development experts (e.g. wake up at 5 am).

It took me a while to understand that “self-help” is exactly what it is: help provided by self. Hence, all the principles and standards dictated by “experts” in the field are good to know, but not universal truths. For example, here are 3 “self-help” principles promoted in various books and articles that, in my opinion, are toxic:

“Waking Up At 5 am Sets You Up For Success”

There’s no study that shows waking up at 5 am makes you more productive. Actually, there’s no study that proves early risers are more successful than others — there’s no difference in income between the two categories.

Unsurprisingly, waking up too early can actually decrease your productivity — you’ll get tired sooner and feel too sluggish to focus.

Can’t wake up before 7:30 am? Don’t feel bad. Human beings haven’t all been created the same and some of us are just biologically programmed to wake up earlier than others. It’s a matter of chronotypes.

For those few people that are biologically predetermined early risers, waking up at 5 AM may be natural and helpful. However, the majority of us are built to sleep on a different cycle and trying to change it is like trying to fight gravity. No matter how high you jump you will always be pulled back down. — Jon Levy, Inc.

“Spend Your Weekend Building Rather Than Watching TV”

I’ve read and heard this countless times. What’s wrong with spending your Sundays watching Code Lyoko in your unicorn onesie? I mean, what are Sundays for if not to unplug and stop worrying about your work, style, weight, dog, deadlines, and whatnot?

Getting stuff done on the weekend might be self-care to some, but most people need to use this time to rest — which is completely natural. For several months in a row, especially when I started as a content writer, I would work on the weekends to complete tasks I didn’t have time to do during the week or simply because I wanted to do more. Working on weekends did give me a competitive advantage. But do you know what happened?

My social life became nonexistent, I got tired, overwhelmed, and irritated. And worse: this “principle” was so deeply entrenched in my brain that I would feel like a complete failure if I didn’t get any work done during the weekend.

Work is important, yes. Achieving your goals and getting where you want to be entails sacrifice and hard work, but don’t forget that enjoying where you are is essential. Take time to do what you like, see your friends and family, travel… and rest.

“Hitting The Snooze Button Means You’re Lazy”

Why are you always pressing “snooze” when your alarm rings?

If you think it’s because you’re lazy, then think again.

This is what I did every single morning for years: hit snooze. I thought it was out of habit, but then one day, naturally, I stopped. I would wake up when my alarm rang and happily get out of bed to get started with my day. A couple of years later, though, I was back into the snooze loop. This made me reflect on why I was desperate to stay in bed for just 5 more minutes.

Here are some reasons why you might be hitting the sleep button over and over:

You’re tired

That’s the easiest answer and yet, many people ignore it. Maybe your alarm rings before you’re naturally inclined to wake up. Maybe you sleep poorly or go to bed late. Maybe your diet isn’t great, you eat too much sugar or have low iron levels.

As an anemic vegetarian, watching my diet and being aware of my iron levels are essential — if not, I get so tired I could sleep for days. Yet, instead of recalibrating my meals and buying iron supplements, I would beat myself up for not getting out of bed before my alarm rang as any successful person seemed to do so easily.

Have compassion for yourself, and ask: “Am I tired? Why? What can I do to feel more energetic?”

You don’t have a plan

The best way to fight procrastination is by reducing friction. For example, if you want to increase your chances of running in the morning, getting your clothes out and filling your water bottle the day before reduces friction and increases the odds that you will indeed go on that run. The fewer decisions you have to make, the more likely it is that you will follow through with your plan.

The same goes for waking up. The day before, decide on a goal you want to reach tomorrow and determine the first action you have to take in the morning. Make it pleasant and easy, so you’re not tempted to hide under the covers. In addition, prepare your breakfast the night before so you don’t have to think about it.

Assigning a goal to each day will add meaning to them, which in turn will give you a reason to wake up. Next time you’re tempted to press snooze, ask yourself: “Why should I wake up today?” If you can’t answer this question, don’t do the same mistake twice: make sure to flesh out the next day’s program before going to sleep.

You’re depressed

What I find extremely irritating in the self-help sphere is the lack of empathy for mentally ill people. Many self-development writers promote the fact that “it’s all about willpower” when really it’s not. If you’re feeling depressed or sad, your willpower alone won’t get you up and running at 5 am, neither should it.

This type of thinking shames mentally ill people who definitely don’t need to hear that “they are the problem, and if they wanted to succeed, they could.” If you’re in this case scenario, please seek professional help, and rest assured — your efforts are already enough.

Conclusion

Self-development books and articles have helped me tremendously, and I’m still an enthusiast. However, it’s important to keep in mind that there is no one version of success nor one good example to follow. What works for some doesn’t for others, because we’re all fundamentally different — and that’s okay.

Don’t beat yourself up because you get up at 8 am or take days off. And it’s not because your favorite influencer posts stories of him working late at night on a Sunday that he is better or happier than you. Ultimately, this is just what we see — the tip of the iceberg.

Set your own standards.

Did you know? I send a playlist every Monday to help you focus and do your best work during the week. It’s called Coffeehouse.