3 Tips For Socializing When You Dont Want To But Have To

The art of “peopling” for introverts

I stepped out of my cave recently to attend a celebration I was invited to.

Even as an introvert, let me tell you this. Socializing is not at all that bad, if we manage our expectations right.

Socializing is a theatrical.

You can either be sitting in the audience, watching all the characters perform their roles. Or you can be on the stage yourself, performing. Sometimes, you can even be at the backstage watching how things really are versus how they are presented.

Learn to appreciate that we’re even getting an invite in the first place

As much as we introverts like to avoid large crowds, let’s be honest. We want to be invited. Not because we wanna go.

But because it stings to feel invisible and forgotten by people who know you.

The universe had its harsh ways in teaching me to be grateful for every little thing in life. One of those lessons was to appreciate social interaction.

I went through a phase in the past, where I was in my “confident-babe” era. But I had nowhere to go to, and I was living by myself, alone.

I suppose we all go through this at some point in our lives. A phase of isolation that is just cosmically orchestrated to teach us some life-changing lessons.

In that phase, I din’t miss the friend circles that I outgrew and drifted away from. I just missed the entertainment of the world. Seeing some people, remembering that extroverts exist and that some of them can actually make me laugh! I missed having somewhere to go to with “humans”.

So these days I appreciate being invited and show up, to maintain some relationships. Too much time in Hermitville is not good for us anyway.

Before you leave, don’t forget to thank the person who invited you.

You really don’t have to be charismatic or entertaining in a social setting

Really, you don’t have to be anything that you are not. You can be an introvert in a group setting and still have a blast.

I remember when I was new to corporate America, I would compare myself to the typical extroverts in office parties who were gregarious and full of life.

Some of them had the best comedic timing, they could make everyone crack up.

Others were terrific story-tellers. They could probably write a movie-script.

Some were just loyal old-timers, they’d get attention just by existing.

I was none of these characters. Not even after chugging down two bottles of beer (I never even liked alcohol)

My only friend was the dance floor if there was one, because dancing brought the performer out of me. But most times there wasn’t one.

Eventually, I learned to find my entertainment in being the quiet one. Just listening, observing and laughing but never actively participating unless my inputs are truly required and appreciated.

The thing with embracing your silence or your introversion even in a social setting is that you start to exude confidence over time. And sometimes, that can draw like-minded people to you. Interesting conversations begin to happen. Some of which may even inspire you to write an article here.

As an introvert, our biggest strength is our ability to enjoy our own company. Once we master that, socialising is just a bonus.

You pick one person you are familiar with and start a conversation with them. Otherwise, just find a nice cozy spot, maybe enjoy your food, and observe the silliness of the world from there.

Don’t have an agenda. It just leads to social anxeity.

Socializing becomes a mountain task when you are there with an agenda.

Agendas like “being noticed” or “making friends” or “having a blast” can all lead to disappointment. The worst one is seeking external validation. What better place to get that than in a social setting right?

The name of the game that you need to be playing instead, is called the zero-expectations game.

It took me some years but when I liberated myself from soceital validation or feeling the pressure to “perform”, socializing became a bit easier. Ofcourse my social battery still runs out after a while but until then, I try to amuse myself.

On some lucky days, I find myself in the company of other introverts and time flies when we let our minds mix. Sometimes I find a funny table to sit at and get some good laughs. Other times, I just conceal myself by sitting near a crowd where I know I wont be noticed by anyone and can read something interesting on my phone.

Figure your mood for the day and go with it!

Thanks for reading!