3 Things That Can Erase Chronic Unhappiness For Good

1. Get out of a habit of “Gossiping” about yourself to others.

The well known author Don Miguel Ruiz of “The Four Agreements” and several other best selling books, advises us to “Stop gossiping about ourselves to others”.

I don’t care if it’s your mother, father, wife, husband etc.

Yes, I said it.

I love my mother, but I don’t tell her everything.

To me it’s essential that I keep some things unknown to her, because she has the always present over concern for me, like most moms.

But despite how well intentioned and sweet this may be, it often can make me feel very anxious.

What you choose to share with anyone gives them a basis to liberally share their opinion with you.

And often times those opinions may cause you greater worry, result in you doubting or questioning yourself, and lead to unnecessary stress.

Opinions are Subjective:

I find that we humans can be very passionate about our opinions, especially when we think we are giving “good advice”.

This tendency is strengthened even more when we are related to or connected in a deep way to whoever is the recipient of this “good advice”.

In this case, one can feel that you should actually just do what they say.

But really the only opinion that matters in the end is yours.

You always get the last word, though matter what.

If you find yourself chronically unhappy, it might be that too many of your thoughts about your life situations may be a product of outside opinions or advice.

In other words, those thoughts may not be yours at all, but a projection of what you have come to accept that is true of what people say about you and your life.

Remember that most of what anyone shares with you is a mere suggestion at best.

So getting into the habit of consulting yourself more, over being so concerned about “gossiping about yourself” with others, could be a good prescription for less stress in your mind.

I see this “consulting” with yourself to be a combination of:

Frequently asking yourself useful and real questions about your situation, either internally or outloud.
Avoiding believing everything your thoughts tell you.
Regularly speaking kind words to yourself about you, your life, and perceived circumstances.
Being in silence and solitude enough times to actually feel into or hear the answers you are asking yourself; and to gain clarity.
And finally, giving yourself permission to not have to have things figured out now or to “know” what’s going to happen all the time.

Get OK with just not “knowing”.

A good phrase that I find helps very much with this is”

“I don’t know how this (you can be more specific about what the issue is) is going to happen; I just know and trust that it is”.

OR “ I know that I am going to … or this is going to… (and then say something positive about the issue).

2. Give much less importance to anything anyone tells you about yourself or the circumstances in your life.

Even if that person you are speaking to is one who you may believe knows better than you or ought to know better (like your friend, sibling); anyone with more life experience, or anyone that is viewed as “having their act together”

I have found that getting into the habit of “staying in silence” about more and more things in my life, to be a good thing for me.

Divulging too much about something that I am still figuring out myself, makes the issue seem so much more daunting; and can distort how I navigate through it.

I can’t talk about what I don’t fully know about yet, even if it’s a situation that has to do with my life. I don’t have enough details yet.

I have discovered that I need to give myself and the situation time instead of prematurely sharing.

Off course this doesn’t apply if you are in a therapy or a mentor situation that you have sought out in order to help you figure out your life.

In this case you have volunteered to be anything but silent. And that is different.

In general, for the most part though, I have found that many details of your life are best left unsaid and to yourself, especially when you are dealing with people who really can’t do anything to help you in any way or make you feel better.

Then why tell them anything?

It may feel that you are getting it off your chest; and to some extent, that may be true.

But what happens mostly is that they give you more things to worry about, because it just seems to be human nature to focus on the problem.

So if you want more peace of mind intend to stop giving out increminating and unflattering information about yourself.

The fact is that you are doing your best, whether or not you feel it and whether or not circumstances might reflect that.

Everyday you are evolving and have the opportunity to gain insights that you didn’t know before.

For me personally, deciding on being unconditional loving toward myself has really been a good thing.

It’s a daily decision, but I am getting better at it everyday.

I have found that sharing too much about what is going on with me, especially something that is upsetting or stressful at the moment, can create more confusion.

Sharing too much with too many people, and having multiple opinions can cloud your mind and weaken your ability to find the solutions that are best for you.

And that takes away your peace of mind.

How can you feel better or see the good, when you’re giving other people full permission to make you feel bad about yourself and your life, by sharing too much with them?

If you are fortunate to have friends or family who mostly see the brighter side of things, then go ahead and share (some things).

They will likely make you feel better.

But I haven’t found this scenario to be generally the norm.

3. Get a good and quick “f**k it” thing to do that becomes your thing, and do it.

Remember that life is meant to be fun.

It’s so interesting to me how some of the people who have, ought to have or think they have the best intentions towards you, often suck all the fun from your life.

They may come to you with their practicality and “be realistic” advice that makes things look so dismal and hopeless.

Their perspective is problem rather than solution based, and can cloud your ability to see things getting better.

When things feel so heavy already, avoid anything or anyone who weighs you down even more.

Instead get an activity or thing that is “your thing” to remove some of that density.

Finding a good “f**k it” quick activity or thing that you do, can really lighten that heaviness.

And it also serves as a good and healthful distraction.

For me, this is often dance or having a solo and loud verbal rant with myself.

I truly feel that what is perceived as the really “bad” stuff that cause so much of our happiness, is temporary. Nothing lasts forever.

I know that it sounds cliche but, “This too shall pass”; whatever displeasing situation that may show up in your life..

If we can take a step back for a moment and really absorb this, then things look so much brighter.

Firstly, take a long, slow breath or 2 or 3. This can be so helpful.

Then use a statement such as:

“I know that I am always loved and protected”

“Things always work out for me”,

“My world always takes care of me.”

“Things are getting better and better”

Or just one word like “Calm” or “Peace”.

If any of these statements resonate with you, say them often.