3 Things Overachievers Need to Understand to Be Happier

You’re not in labor, so it’s okay to stop pushing

Sometimes I imagine I’m sitting next to a firepit, just staring into the flames. It’s that beautiful moment between dusk and dark, and there’s only the flitting of fireflies, a glass of my favorite wine, and me and the universe loving each other.

At other times, I picture myself in my little reading nook. Chopin is playing in the background, and I’m immersed in whatever new book has pulled me into its clutches.

And right now, it’s a Friday night at that dazzling time of the day I’ve described above. My firepit is right outside my door, and my book and wine are sitting less than ten feet away on my kitchen cabinet.

So why am I sitting at my computer? I’ll tell you why.

Because I’m an overachiever hungry for success, and it’s my self-imposed sentence that the production line in my brain must keep moving.

And if you’re also a type-A who never allows yourself to push your own “off” button, you know how I feel, don’t you?

You’ve likely been reading the overachiever’s handbook like me. It’s our own little Bible, and commandment one reads, “Though shalt not enjoy the most amazing gifts of life on Earth because that is not what winners do.”

And it’s true that a strong work ethic is key to success. Still, when the pressure and desire to achieve your goals start to make you miserable, sick, or both, there are some important things you may want to consider.

Those Small Sacrifices You’re Making to Succeed Aren’t Really Small

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in my home office furiously punching computer keys while I hear my husband and children watching a movie downstairs. Nor can I tell you how many mani-pedi nights with my daughter have dwindled away because there’s always something more pressing I need to be doing.

In each of those moments, I told myself these sacrifices were small ones. I said to myself, “It’s just a movie,” or “My daughter won’t care if I skip a girl’s spa night.”

But if I really look at all those small things I’ve given up to work harder, it breaks my heart.

There’s nothing small about buttery popcorn and family giggles. Nothing insignificant about watching a movie that bonds a family together and washes away the struggles and pressures each member holds deep inside.

There’s also nothing unimportant about the smiles that cross my daughter and I’s faces when we show each other the glossy coat of vibrant purple polish on our nails. Nothing trivial about the selfies we take together after a facial that makes us each briefly feel like Kim Kardashian.

And I’m sure there are some so-called “small” moments that you have relinquished in your drive to achieve.

Ask yourself how small these moments truly are. Ask yourself if you’re missing out on laughter, memories, and love that will live on far longer than any outside success ever does.

In an article entitled “The Purpose of Living Simple,” author Melissa Camara Wilkins states wise words all overachievers need to hear.

“[By choosing less work] you’re “[making] room for more: more relationship, more connection, more replenishment, more wellness, more wholeness. More of what matters to you. When you’re seeing the “less,” count the “more.”

And if you need reassurance, just understand no progress will be lost on your path to success just because you take a thirty-minute trip to the ice-cream shop with your mate, watch a two-hour movie with your kids, or go on a three-day trip to the ocean with your besties.

But what will be lost is your connection to what’s most important in life: happiness and time with the people you love most, people who love you regardless of whether or not you reach the title of “world-famous” whatever.

Work Will Never Truly Validate You

Sometimes we overachievers work harder for validation than money. We need to make sure our houses, cars, job titles, or lifestyles measure up to everyone around us.

We work extra part-time jobs to buy that ridiculously expensive car, so others will see us as a success. We bust our asses at work because we want to prove to arrogant co-workers that we’re just as talented or intelligent as they are.

And sometimes we work so hard in attempts to heal the damaged egos of our past. We want to show the high school prom queens and bullies who laughed at us or the family members who told us we’d never amount to anything that they were wrong.

But the truth we need to understand is that work, material things, or the approval of others will never validate us. There will always be people who are more beautiful, skilled, or wealthy than we are.

And what’s more important to realize is that maybe we need to spend more time working on self-love than on dollar signs or followers counts.

There a quote that haunts me, one I think will touch every overachiever’s heart.

“Being okay if it happens and okay if it doesn’t is a very powerful place to be.”

And the fact is overachievers will never see this holy land as long as they place their happiness in the hands of others.

The bottom line is we have to realize we’re worthy simply because we’re members of the human race. We’re valuable because there are people whose love we’ve earned and whose lives we’ve touched in remarkable ways.

Overwork Actually Makes You Less Likely to Be Successful

Most overachievers continue working long past exhaustion because we’ve been brainwashed into believing we’ll accomplish more if we work longer and harder than everyone else.

But many studies are proving that’s not necessarily the case.

Entrepreneur magazine cites a study that found productivity declines drastically after a fifty-hour work week. They explain “this effect increases dramatically as you add more hours to your work schedule, to the point where a person working 70 hours a week, routinely, won’t get much more done than a person working 55 hours a week.”

And the creativity and problem-solving essential to success are also diminished when our brains are on overdrive.

Inc. reveals that “scientists studying brain scans recently discovered that moments of creativity take place when the mind is at rest rather than working on something. And since creative approaches are so crucial to success, workaholics are working themselves out a job.”

The article ends stating “what the research [shows] is that… long work hours don’t make you more successful. Instead, they make you sick and worse, they make you “dull” — in other words, mediocre and uncreative.

And “mediocre and uncreative”?

Those are two words no overachiever wants connected with their name.

The Bottom Line

Buddha says that “happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.”

And there’s nothing wrong with overachievers who pursue their goals with passion and devotion. Still, we need to keep a few questions in our minds as we work.

And what exactly are those questions?

In our last moments, will we be happy with the life we’ve lived and the joy we’ve given and taken from others? Or will we be disappointed we worked so hard that we ignored the effortless magic of simply being alive?

It’s a question I’m going to keep in mind. Because the minutes are ticking.

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