3 Things More Important than Size that Make You a Great Lover

Power, Presence & Awareness

In tantric lovemaking, the goal is to have an epic experience together. Not just “being side-by-side” together — but actually feeling a sense of merging — of taking all that you are and adding it to someone else and having an experience far beyond “simply having sex” with someone.

This is the first reason that size truly doesn’t matter. When what we desire is a battering ram, yes, size will matter. But we are talking about being a great lover which is a very different thing.

The three top things that a masculine lover must have are power, presence, and awareness. These are what truly create the energy and union that is so deeply satisfying and what our souls know is possible.

Power

When two people want to unite, the feminine partner (regardless of gender) is like the earth. She is what will be energized. She is a bowl to be filled. She is what holds the multi-faceted orgasmic capacity that the masculine partner will energize.

Within a union, there is a giver and a receiver like an electrical current. Energy flows from the masculine to the feminine. This is how we create a circuit. This is how we unite and experience total union together.

This is where power is so important for the masculine partner. Is he able to bring all of himself to the union? How open is he able to be in order to let the infinite potential within him to flow easily into his partner?

He is the source of this powerful flow in the experience. Feminine partners often find themselves trying to energize the union out of desire or necessity and although this can still be pleasurable, it is nothing compared to when the masculine partner is the one bringing the power.

It’s important to note that this power isn’t aggression or “powerful” movement. It is the quiet sense of power that is felt in a gentle kiss as much as a passionate deep kiss. It’s knowing that the floodgates are open for whatever happens in every moment.

Presence

For this to happen, we must be totally focused in the moment. We must only see this wonderful being that we are making love with. In our mind, there is only this experience that we want to give our all to.

This presence is what keeps the connection complete and strong.

It is like gazing into someone else’s eyes. In the beginning, it might feel weird since we have been busy all day focusing on a million things. But after a few minutes, we start to fall into the eyes of our partner. Something deeper begins to happen. An emotional communication begins connecting us in the many dimensions of ourselves.

Imagine this kind of focus in lovemaking. To hold this gaze. To allow it to go deeper and deeper. To allow ourselves to discover the depths of the lovemaking — to see where we will be led.

This kind of focus asks us to be free of fears and completely open to mystery. To be open to a brand new experience… to be an adventurer enjoying every step with incredible presence, focus, and total joy.

Awareness

Awareness begins with self long before we begin to make love. We have to have a certain openness to listening within before we can ever be totally aware of another. If we have blocks to hearing what our own truths are or we have pain that we don’t want to feel within and therefore have put walls up, these must be healed (possibly in lovemaking) before this kind of connection with another is possible.

The role of the masculine in lovemaking is total awareness of the feminine. This might sound strange and perhaps unfair to the masculine partner. But it’s important to understand that the goal in lovemaking is union. It is to truly merge together and feel the ecstasy that is possible there.

And so, within this union, each person plays a part. One partner takes the masculine role of energy, power, structure, and movement and the other partner takes the feminine role of receiving, surrender, chaos, and expansion.

This is why the masculine must read the feminine with total awareness. As he moves intuitively over her, her body will respond in pleasure. As his awareness becomes more honed, he will actually feel that pleasure within his own body. As he feels this pleasure, he will feel more connected to her and the intuition will become easier and easier.

As she realizes that he is reading her intuitively, she will completely surrender to him, energetically dropping all of her guards. At this point, she literally becomes “an open book” energetically. He reads her more, she opens more, and the passion and power flows between them endlessly… hence the true claims of tantric lovemaking lasting for hours.

How To Get There

It always begins with us. It is about healing whatever is disconnected within. It is looking at any fears that linger that block us from full acceptance and therefore cause us to hide ourselves from others.

In lovemaking, energy doesn’t lie. Physical bodies can “just have sex”. Procreation can happen regardless of our “energetic power or presence”. Animals do it all of the time.

But in lovemaking, we need to be able to truly gaze into the eyes of our lover without being afraid of what they might see. We want to be able to be truly naked in every sense… the irony being that in that vulnerability, we are so incredibly powerful. And it is that power that we can combine with the power of our partner to truly have the most epic lovemaking sessions we’ve ever had over and over again.

Katrina Bos is the author of Tantric Intimacy: Discover the Magic of True Connection.