3 Things I Learned About How to Communicate Better from Fanfictions

Contrary to your pre assumptions, fanfics are not terrible writings by novice writers.

My first assumption on fanfictions? They’re disgusting. How could anybody have the audacity to turn existing characters of a great movie or book into a new fiction? Why would anyone take actual celebrities and mold them into fictional characters? The idea was revolting to me.

Nevertheless, the repulsion was not enough to keep me away. I am a curious person, and I need to see things for myself. Surprisingly, the stories got me hooked. I couldn’t stop reading the hundreds of pages of fiction, and nothing was disgusting about it.

Most fanfics are big on relationships; families, friends, and romantic. However, unlike many movies and books where romance is present, most fanfics that I’ve read have their focus on the growth of the characters instead of making sure that no matter what happens, the two main leads stay together.

Fanfics writers know what they’re doing.

Fanfics characters were mold to handle their relationship problems healthily most of the time. Sometimes, way healthier compared to most living people in this world. Which is kind of sad, really. But that’s why I’m writing this.

So, what should we do to communicate better?

1. Know That Space Is Essential

Have you ever spew words that you didn’t mean when a problem in a relationship occurs? or when you’re discussing something that’s making you anxious? I have, and it led to a long list of unresolved problems.

I was in a fight with my long-distance best friend because I kept a secret from her with good intentions. After all, I knew she was going to hurt if I told her.

However, I felt guilty for keeping something from her, and I ended up telling her weeks later. She understood why I didn't tell her earlier, but she was mad. She asked me to give her time, and so I did.

Weeks went by, and there was still nothing from her. I was anxious, didn’t understand why she needed much more time. However, days later, she texted me. We talked, and we resolved everything smoothly.

Fanfics helped me understand why my best friend did what she did.

A lot of the times, when feelings are involved, we let our emotions cloud our judgment. We let it take control. As a defense mechanism, we tend to shut people out or hurt them purposely. And that’s why we need space.

In some of the stories I’ve read, when the characters entered a huge fight, and they start screaming at each other, one of them would eventually pause. They would say that they need space for a while, then leave.

Space prevents unwanted things from happening, and it gives all the parties involved the time to process what had happened instead of acting on impulse and regretting it after. It also gives us time to rearrange our thoughts and prepare the words for the eventual discussion.

Now, whenever I feel that my emotions are somehow tricking me, I take a step back for a while to clear my mind. When I come back, I will be able to convey everything I needed to more objectively.

2. Write What You Want to Say

I’m bad at vocalizing my feelings and my thoughts. I’m guilty of using “You know what I mean” all the time. I haven’t gotten a problem because of it, but such words can lead to frustrations and misunderstandings (and I’d like to very much avoid that in the future).

One of my favorite fanfics writers portrays the different ways to communicate in various contexts, and one of them that stuck with me is to write or type down what you want to say.

This does not mean that you discuss something through texts all the time.

What it means is to use the gap before the talk to jot down what you want to say. Find the right words that convey your exact thoughts, and phrase the sentences into precisely how you will convey it during the exchange.

All you have to do during the real conversation is to read what you’ve already jotted down.

This is a simple yet brilliant idea.

3. Remember That There Are so Many Sides to A story

When you're reading a published fiction book, most of the time, you only see the story from the main character’s perspective. You might be curious about the second lead character’s point of view, but the author would usually leave it up to the readers’ imaginations.

In fanfictions, the author is closer to you. You can make requests to the author or pay them (if they accept doing commissions) to write the same story but through the lenses of other characters.

Reading the same story from another’s perspective is like a revelation. If the second main lead did something that you found preposterous before, it would make much more sense when you read it from their perspective.

Without fail, fanfictions remind me of perspective, perspective, perspective!

In real life, however, we sometimes forget that there is always a reason why someone acted a certain way. We often jump to conclusions and find what a certain person did as ridiculous or unacceptable.

With the many reminders that fanfics gave to me, I’ve made it a habit to ask the person I’m talking to about their point of view of the matter at hand first. Once my part and the other have already been laid out there, that’s when the discussion starts.

Fanfictions are a type of art in itself, where you can even learn about real-life from. I find it fascinating that fanfics writers can make new ideas out of existing storylines and arouses strong feelings from the readers.

There are so many other ways that I’ve learned to communicate better through fanfictions, but the three mentioned are what resonates with me most. Just remember space, write, and perspective.

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