3 Stoic Life Lessons Only Failures Can Teach You
Life’s the best teacher
We don’t like failing.
It’s weird, it’s uncomfortable, and it makes us look like idiots. At least, that’s what we think. But if we look at failures closer, we can see them for what they are: stepping stones for growth.
“Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it — turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself — so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal.” — Marcus Aurelius
Here are 3 Stoic life lessons only failures can teach you.
Lesson 1: Understanding what is within your control
We’re too comfortable.
We create sleek schedules, plan things to the minute, and think we can control everything. Only to see things crash and burn in the real world.
Control is an illusion.
My girlfriend and I wanted to fly to Mexico. We booked an early train to get to Frankfurt International, arriving 3.5 hours before departure.
Usually, the train ride is only 1 hour from Stuttgart.
Not with the German rail operators (DB) this day. We ended up running to the check-in counter, only to see business class people still getting on board while we got declined.
We thought that must be it: having wasted hundreds of Euros on plane tickets. But what happened?
We got rebooked free of charge, booked a hotel for the night, and had a great day in Frankfurt.
Not because we were flush with money. But because we decided to make the best of it.
No, more control isn’t the solution.
We couldn’t control missing the flight, but we could control how we reacted to it. This changed everything.
Understand what is in your control and make the best of it. Then do the following:
Lesson 2: Get calm through acceptance
Realizing there’s only so much in your control is great. But you need acceptance to make the most of the rest that’s not.
Last year, my GF went abroad to Finland for a semester. Besides feeling shitty because of not seeing her, we got into unnecessary fights as soon as I visited her.
Then, I left for Bali to give her space to prepare for exams, and get a distraction myself because my online business declined, and I didn’t want to sit at home alone.
I missed my connecting flight, lost my baggage, and got dengue fever. Laying in bed sick, I wasn’t in a good headspace.
But after two days of feeling mentally and physically miserable, things changed. Why? Because I did one little thing: I accepted it.
For once, I didn’t fight it. I just told myself: “So be it.”
I got calmer. Suddenly, there was no rush to change things anymore. Instead, I focused on the highest priority:
Getting well again.
After that, I got my luggage back, went back to see my GF in Finland, and had a better time with no fights before we returned to Germany together.
Acceptance gives you the peace you need to work on things.
Lesson 3: Seeing adversity as a stepping stone for resilience
Acceptance is the first step to resilience.
Because Stoics have a kinda’ entrepreneurial mindset. They don’t see problems; they see challenges.
If you can make this little twist, you can change everything.
Suddenly, the question isn’t “Why always me?” but “How do I solve the problem?”.
Instead of playing the victim, you become the hero, making it work. Yeah, I know, it sounds super cheesy.
But that’s what it’s about.
With every problem you see as a solvable challenge, you create a mental fortress, fighting off intruders trying to steal your beautiful precious, aka your will of life.
Failures and adversities are only a test.
They occur to make you a better human being. Yes, even if it sucks.
The good thing? You get better over time.
Missing a flight was a huge deal for me the first time. Now, it’s just queuing, talking, sleeping in a hotel, and getting the next one.
Having a difficult month writing was a huge deal for me. Now, it’s just gearing up, doubling my efforts, and getting new clients.
It’s still uncomfortable, but you’ve proven you can solve it once. This gives you the confidence you’ll do it again.
Embrace failures by seeing them as challenges to solve. Once you solved them you have the tools you need to become even better.
Failures are angels in disguise. They hurt, but they can help you big time by:
- understanding what is within your control
- getting calm through acceptance
- seeing them as stepping stones for resilience