3 Steps to Take to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

I’ve wasted my life comparing myself to others.

Comparing myself to others has involved feelings of inadequacy.

Feeling inadequate takes up mental and emotional energy.

Depleting my mental and emotional energy isn’t a good use of my time.

My time = my life. Not using my time in a thoughtful manner is a waste of my life.

I’m done wasting my life. Here are the 3 steps I’ve taken to stop comparing myself to others and start focusing on what I can cultivate within me instead.

1) Have self-compassion when you notice that you’re comparing yourself to other people

From an evolutionary perspective, it’s normal to compare ourselves to others. Thousands of years ago, if we were part of a group (vs. fending for ourselves), we had a higher likelihood of survival. Present-day, what that’s evolved into is this feeling that we need to measure up against other people.

Have compassion towards yourself — recognize that deep down inside, the need to compare yourself to others comes from a place of self-protection. Having self-compassion, rather than judging yourself is what’ will allow you to change your thoughts.

Imagine a child who’s spilled milk — do you think yelling at the child or calmly explaining to the child how to avoid such an accident in the future is more effective?

2) Take a moment and recognize that no one’s life is perfect

The person with the higher salary, the person with the bigger house, the person with the fancier job title — none of these people are necessarily happier than you are. But what they do have in common is that they’re all dealing with their own challenges, things that may not be outwardly visible to you.

Jeff Bezos, one of the richest and most “successful” men in the world, to a certain extent, was not satisfied with his life. If he had been, he wouldn’t have cheated on his ex-wife. All of this is to say, the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is green where you water it.

3) Recognize that what is possible for others is also possible for you

Rather than feeling jealous because someone has something that I want and wallowing in feelings of scarcity and lack, it has been more conducive to shift my thoughts to the idea that what is possible for others is also possible for me. If even one other person has done something that I aspire to do, it means that it’s possible for someone else to do it too.

Some questions to reflect on:

What qualities does that person embody that enabled them to achieve X?

How do I already embody those qualities?

How can I further cultivate those qualities?

The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to others, take a moment, pause, and try one of the aforementioned techniques. Let me know how it goes— I’d love to hear from you here: www.angelachoi.co/contact

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