3 Simple Ways to Know If You Have True Friends

You can tell them good news and they’ll help you celebrate.

It hits 5:37pm exactly and my phone starts to ring with an unsaved number. I answer the call.

“Hi Saarim, is now a good time to chat?”

I was waiting to hear back from a psychologist to let me know if I was successful in a job interview. “We’d be delighted to offer you the role,” said the voice on the phone.

A Christmas present had arrived early. I was extremely happy that I received the offer, but I was even more excited to share this news with those closest to me.

After telling my parents, I immediately picked up the phone to tell my best friend the news. She was over the moon for me, a key indicator that she’s a true friend. I could hear the smile in her voice, picturing her bouncing around with excitement. She proceeded to ask me how I was feeling and started to list a bunch of ways we could celebrate.

And that got me thinking. I knew in my heart that she has always been incredibly supportive, leading me to wonder what exactly makes a true friend. She has this ability to make me feel more excited as if she’s celebrating my successes with me. But there was more to it than that. She held three traits that may help us identify the meaning of a true friend.

1. They’ll Help You Celebrate Good News

There’s nothing worse than a friend who immediately deflates your excitement. Or perhaps they start to ramble on about what they did a week ago that was even better. Despite celebrating with you, they divert the subject back to their victories.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it? We’ve all experienced these kinds of people, and perhaps it’s time we took the advice of Seneca:

“Nothing, however, delights the mind as much as loving and loyal friendship.”

One way for true friends to show this love is through celebrating your good news.

Why should you have to listen to their brilliant moment from the past or have them shut you down at the height of your success? In the present moment, it’s your time to celebrate. True friends should help you do exactly that.

Immediately after I told my best friend she said, “Let’s go to a fancy restaurant with everyone when they open up things again!” She didn’t dampen my spirits. Nor did she make it about herself and relate this moment to something that happened to her. What she did was make me feel even more enthusiastic and optimistic.

Sharing your positive news with your friend is so beneficial. And, you don’t just have to take my word for it. Research has found that those who share positive experiences with a friend or partner, experience more happiness and life satisfaction. Researchers found that sharing positive experiences had more of an effect if the person gave enthusiastic support.

It shows us the power of sharing our good news. But, it also shows how important it is for a friend to celebrate this news with you too.

This trait is the sign of a true friend because it makes you feel great. It makes you feel optimistic, it doesn’t drag you down and it helps you grow. After all, a toxic friend who deflates your excitement isn’t healthy.

“You’ve got to surround yourself with the people who want the best, for the best part of you.” — Jordan Peterson

2. They Instill Confidence In You

I was in a massive dilemma when I saw this new job advertised. I was in a good position, working for the National Health Service. I was receiving different perks and discounts too. But, this new role as a research worker in a clinical psychology trial sounded so appetising. A huge cloud of uncertainty crept into my mind about making this transition.

As soon as I told my friend about this role, she listed ten different ways the new job would help me grow and what it could mean for my future. The confidence my best friend came out with gave me more faith in myself to go for it.

My best friend didn’t curb my growth, nor did she display any uncertainty. She said “it’ll help you stand out from others when applying to your doctorate in clinical psychology, you’ll develop brilliant connections, it’ll push you out of your comfort zone,” and the list went on.

A true friend makes you see your value and worth. They help you feel confident in whatever it is that’s in front of you. Studies have found that greater friendship quality predicts greater motivation. And, it also helps boost self-esteem.

I could see that she wanted the best for me. She wanted to help me realise that taking this new job is an important step for my growth.

Ask yourself “does this person help you increase the faith you have in yourself?”

To me, a true friend will always do this. When you’re uncertain about something or you have a lack of confidence in doing something, they’re the ones to rely on to give you the boost in confidence that you may need.

“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.” — Misty Copeland

3. They Are Genuinely Interested In Your Life

A true friend wants to know more. They are interested in what goes on around you. And, they actively listen to both the good and bad in your life.

They won’t have an eagerness to change the topic or get their point across once you’ve said something. And, more importantly, they ask you questions to elicit more information.

After reflecting on the interaction I had with my friend I noticed a few things. She listened so intently to my reflections. She did so with silences and verbal acknowledgements. She asked me questions about how I was feeling. She thought about what my parents had to say. And, she didn’t interrupt me once when I was speaking to her.

Getting cut off by your friend when you’re discussing something about your life is annoying. Forget friendship for a minute. Getting cut off by anyone is frustrating. It’s a sign someone isn’t interested and can have some bad effects. Frequent interruptions from someone can lead to feelings of exhaustion, stress and can even lead to you making more errors. Imagine what the effects would be if your so-called friend interrupted you!

That’s a key difference between a true friend and an acquaintance. A true friend won’t interrupt you and they will want to know more. They understand exactly what you’re saying. And, they’ll show a ridiculous amount of interest in your life.

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.”- Seneca

Final Comments

The interaction I had with my best friend epitomised a true friendship for me. These three traits of helping me celebrate when I told her the good news, boosting my confidence and being genuinely interested in my life were so impactful. They are traits that can instantly tell you if a friend is true.

I’ve experienced, seen and heard, countless times when friends can be envious, curb your growth and inhibit your enthusiasm. It can be so toxic.

We can become so concerned with developing and maintaining a friendship, even if that friendship isn’t great. It’s as if there becomes this fear of letting go. But, just as true friends have an important influence in our lives, having a friend that isn’t true can have damaging consequences.

It can be so important to identify who our true friends are. They’re the ones that will support us, who will help us achieve our goals and who will be there in both good and bad times.

And, I feel we should also have these traits embedded within ourselves to support our friends too.

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