3 Simple Steps to Discovering and Living as Your True Self

Finding meaning in your authenticity.

It may seem like a selfish goal when you are on a journey to finding yourself, but it is actually a selfless process that underlies everything we do in life.

To be the most valuable person to the world around us, the best partner, parent, etc., we must first know who we are, what we value, and indeed what we have to offer.

During my self-awareness journey, I realized that part of the reason I struggled to be at peace with the things happening around me — the failures, the heartbreaks, misused opportunities, was because I didn’t know who I was.

I lived my life based on what I was taught to be as a woman and as a person by culture and religion.

In those moments of self-awakening, I discovered these steps to self-discovery.

Know your own story

To discover who we are and why we do the things we do, we must be brave and willing to explore our past.

The painful experiences of early life often shape how we define and defend ourselves.

For example, if we have a tough parent, we may feel more guarded. We may grow up with a sense of defense or resistance to trying new challenges for fear of being ridiculed.

When we try to mask or hide our past experiences, we can feel lost, as we don’t really know ourselves. We tend to act first and ask questions later.

But if we reflect on our past, by focusing our attention on ourselves, we can see how our minds work.

We gain invaluable insights into our behavior. We can then start to consciously separate our values from the more harmful influences from our history.

And actively alter our behavior to reflect how we really think and feel and how we choose to be in the world.

Forgive yourself for everything

You are not perfect, and no one on this planet is. You shouldn’t punish yourself forever for the mistakes you made in the past.

Maybe you’ve spent your monthly allowance on a new shoe, or you failed to be there for a family member when they needed you. It could be that you’ve backlashed a friend or cheated on someone.

It’s tough to forgive yourself, and you may think your friends and family would never forgive you either if they knew half of what you do.

Some of us actually draw those bad feelings around ourselves like a blanket, cover our heads, and refuse to stop the wailing.

To learn to forgive yourself, you must first recognize that the past is in the past and cannot be undone.

The biggest obstacle to forgiving ourselves is our tendency to wallow in our own guilt.

We feel guilty about things we have done because those actions were not in accordance with our values. So you need to reflect on your past and connect it with your current values.

Think about your present value now and how it is different from the past.

This process will help you get a clearer picture of why you resent yourself and bring you closer to the path of self-forgiveness.

Find a reason to live

At this point, you are now in a state of clarity of who you are. But you lack purpose.

The journey of self-discovery doesn’t end when you know who you are. You have to find a reason to continue to exist, or else you will fall off the wagon and become a stepping stone for others.

When you know who you are and what you want, you will be determined to take control of your life.

You will no longer engage your mind in a spiral of negative self-limiting thoughts that says you are not good enough to go for what you want or that everything happening around you is wrong.

You will no longer believe that the world is doomed and everyone in it is going to blazes.

You will be focused on achieving the goal no matter the odds.

You will accept yourself as a powerful player in your own destiny. Channeling your unique power is essential to finding and becoming yourself.

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