3 Signs You’re Dissociating From Your Reality

It works for a while but you won’t be able to escape forever

1. You Pretend Things Didn’t Happen

He lost his little sister at childbirth and he was devastated. I could see the pain in his eyes which run as deep as the deepest valley.

The sorrow on his face was unending.

Me being an empath I felt all of his pain. It was too much for even me. I couldn't bear to see him like that.

It was just too much for him to deal with so he distracted himself. He kept going up and down not giving himself a chance to slow down. He knew if he stopped or slowed down, he’d be forced to think about the fact that his baby sister was gone.

He knew if he let himself feel the pain, he’d get lost in it. He’d get lost and wouldn’t be able to find his way back. So he refused to feel it and kept himself busy.

He mowed the lawn. He swept the compound. He cut the branches. Then he swept again. He tended to the dogs, cut the weeds, and swept some more. As long as he was doing something, he didn’t have to deal with the uncomfortable present moment.

Anything to keep him busy was better than going down the valley in his eyes.

His reality was total darkness and he pretended it wasn’t his reality hoping reality would fix itself. But what had happened had happened. His sister was gone and was never coming back.

He dissociated from reality because it was better than facing the harsh truth.

According to Mayoclinic.org dissociation is a defense mechanism where we unconsciously repress uncomfortable emotions from the mind. It’s a form of escapism where you don’t have to deal with difficult situations.

As long as he was doing something, he didn’t have to deal with the uncomfortable present moment.

2. You Forget Without Fully Processing

I caught myself dissociating recently. I was feeling a bit disappointed that I didn't win a writing contest. I really thought I’d win. I felt like my stories were so darn good — if I do say so myself — and I was convinced I would win.

I didn’t win and went to sleep hurt.

But I woke up and I felt nothing at all. I wasn’t hurt. I didn’t care about it anymore. I wasn’t even thinking about it.

How come? Was I really over it or did I just force myself to forget it?

I observed myself and the situation and realized I was still disappointed. That piqued my interest on the topic and led me down a rabbit hole of searching for meaning.

I realized what I was doing. I was dissociating from the hurt. I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted to be done with it and move on from it.

So what did I do?

I shoved it into my shadow. Luckily for me, I know all about what happens when you shove things into the shadow. It never ends well.

I quickly went back for it and dealt with it. I sat with my hurt emotions for a while. I allowed myself to feel angry and disappointed. Then I looked at the matter from a different perspective.

I have food on my table three times a day, plus snacks in between. I’m blessed. Maybe the person who won the money needed it far more than I did. And just like that, it was done. It was dealt with. I did my shadow work, and I actually felt okay.

But that wasn't the first time I had dissociated.

When I was 19, a pickpocket stole my wallet from my purse in Ghana. I had saved up so much money to have the best semester at University. I was devastated. I was so devastated that I didn't want to deal with it. I forgot all about it, never to think or talk about it again lest it reminds me of my anguish.

I was successful in putting it behind me. I moved away from the country and never thought of it until I returned to the country 12 years later.

When I returned, someone I knew was robbed, too. That was my trigger. The memory returned, and I was forced to deal with it.

It was full-blown anger by the time I got to it. I was so fucking pissed I wanted to kill a thief! I was so sad I asked for my fucking money back! It was so much money (and all of my money) that I remembered the way I felt when I went into my purse looking for my money to pay the taxi driver and it was gone. I remembered the fear that coursed through my veins. I could feel the shock inside my heart. I felt it all. I had to call friends to help me. I remembered how much I hated making those calls.

I felt everything I didn’t feel that day.

The longer I waited to deal with that anger, the bigger the shadow had grown. Because it took so long and had gotten so big, its impact when I finally felt it was much stronger. I had to face everything I ran from the week it actually happened.

I now know that dissociation is pointless.

You can never run from your emotions. You can avoid your emotions when you stop thinking about them, but life has a bring of bringing your shadows into the light to be disintegrated.

You can push aside distressing moments and experiences, but life has a way of making you deal with your stuff no matter how many years pass.

3. You Struggle to Remember Little Details

Daydreams and fantasies aren’t the only way we try to escape from a stressful or boring reality. Dissociation is an easy way many people escape without even realizing it.

Have you ever found yourself at work but unable to remember how exactly you got there? You struggle to remember the details of the ride because you had a thousand thoughts on your mind.

We can sometimes dissociate from our reality and go inside the mind to tend to issues.

I remember one time I was driving, and I had left my sunglasses at home and the only one I had in the car was a 4th of July red, white and blue glasses. I put that on because the sun was too bright for my eyes and no one would see it.

When I arrived at work, I forgot myself and that I was wearing that silly sunglasses in the middle of September. I went inside with it still on and people were staring at me.

I went to rub my eyes and saw that I had never taken the sunglasses off. It was an embarrassing moment.

I had dissociated from myself because I was on auto-pilot mode and when I thought about it, I couldn’t remember how I even got to work.

Dissociation can make you feel distant from your emotions, thoughts, surroundings, and memories. Unless your dissociation is a medical issue, losing your memories is the easiest way to know if you’re dissociating just to escape reality.

When you realize you’re running on autopilot and going about life almost like a zombie, you’re dissociating from yourself.

What dissociation does is that it pulls you from your body and sends your mind elsewhere, where life feels better, making it difficult to be aware of the present moment.

Dissociating doesn’t always happen when you’re stressed. Sometimes it’s just the mind's way of giving you a break from too much stimulation around you.

When you realize you’re running on autopilot and going about life almost like a zombie, you’re dissociating from yourself.

Final Thoughts

Dissociating is pointless. You can’t run from your reality. You can’t escape from your emotions and you can’t run from yourself.

You live with yourself.

The guy who had lost his sister after dissociating all day realized his sister was gone, and that was his reality. There was nothing he could do about it. He eventually cried, which was good. He felt his loss and started dealing with it.

I learned that no matter how I try to avoid or escape from painful things; it doesn’t disappear. It keeps on living within me growing as I grow and it eventually rises up and demands I deal with it.

When things go wrong, you have to deal with it right then and there and just get it over with.

And dissociating from your body to go to a faraway place in the mind ends up making you look like a fool wearing 4th of July silly sunglasses in the middle of September.