3 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last and How to Save It Before It’s Too Late

The simple equation to a healthy lasting relationship

Many things contribute to a healthy and meaningful relationship. But without these 3 things, your relationship most likely won’t last as it becomes more harmful than good.

Respect + communication + empathy = healthy relationship

That’s it. That’s the key — the equation that sets your relationship up for success and for the long term.

But it can be complicated as these are the main foundations but also overlap and connect with other essential things, including trust and love.

Without respect, there is no communication; without communication, there is no empathy; without empathy, there is no trust; without trust, there is no love.

1/ There is a lack of respect for each other

Love is respect. It’s one of the greatest expressions of love. Respect encompasses every essential building block of a stable and healthy relationship. If you truly love your partner, then respect is the number one thing that you make sure isn’t broken.

But what exactly is respect? It’s not only a matter of the way you address your partner and making sure you don’t say something hurtful or offensive during an argument (belittling, name-calling, etc.). It means neither you nor your partner has complete authority or control over you.

The aspects of respect create the necessary balance needed to keep a fulfilling and healthy relationship that allows both of you to grow as individuals and as a couple.

It’s possible to respect someone but not love them. And it’s possible to love someone but not respect them. But love is earned from respect. So just because you love each other doesn’t mean you should be tolerating disrespect. It opens the pathway to other problems like stress and lack of trust.

In fact, one of the most common reasons couples break up is due to lack of respect.

“When partners do not respect each other, it often leads to broken boundaries, stress, and low self-esteem — not to mention a lack of trust” (Smith).

Respect in a healthy relationship looks like this:

• Respecting and voicing each other’s boundaries
• Supporting each other in personal goals, careers, hobbies, etc. as long as it doesn’t cross each other’s red lines (non-negotiables)
• Compromising and listening to each other
• Speaking openly, honestly, and with the appropriate tone to each other
• Making sure you show that you value each other’s needs and feelings
• Talking kindly to and about each other

Respect is the root of love; it’s the first condition of love; the foundation of every relationship.

“Trust and respect are more important than love in a relationship because no love will last without equal amounts of respect and trust.” — Robin Kaye

How to re-establish respect in your relationship

1. The first is by owning up to your mistakes and weaknesses. Acknowledge and apologize. This will show your maturity and honesty. There’s no room for ego in relationships.
2. Be intentional and openly explain how you feel and how each other’s actions affect you. Keep it in the first person so your partner doesn't feel defensive. This isn’t a blame game.
3. Revisit the core of your relationship and make the conscious decision and intention that you will not repeat your mistakes.
4. Re-iterate and re-enforce your boundaries. It’s important to make it clear what makes you feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or violated. Establish these as clear rules. What’s acceptable and what’s not?
5. Explain the reasons for why you feel a certain way. Have an open mind and actually listen to each other’s concerns and hopes.

2/ You can’t communicate with each other

Every relationship — romantic, friendship, familial — thrives on strong and clear communication. A lack of communication sets the relationship up for frustration, misunderstandings, and resentment.

According to research published in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, “53% of the 886 couples polled cited a lack of communication as one of the most common reasons couples break up” (Smith).

Poor communication is often the result of a lack of mutual respect in the relationship. Otherwise, you both should be able to express yourselves without second-guessing it.

“Good communication is the bridge between conflict and understanding.” — Unknown

Communication in a healthy relationship looks like this:

• Being able to share your opinions and thoughts and feel heard
• Listening to your partner attentively without interrupting
• Making eye contact
• Taking some time to calm down during a heated argument so you don’t say something you don't mean
• Being aware of your tone of voice

Without assertive, clear, and honest communication, how can any relationship be successful?

Good communication creates a safe space for vulnerability. If you can’t be vulnerable with your partner, your partner won’t be able to understand what you want and need from them.

How to communicate effectively with your partner

1. Avoid the silent treatment at all costs; it solves nothing.
2. Don’t be aggressive when explaining your needs and wants.
3. Don’t disregard your partner by saying things such as “It’s not that bad” or “You’re overreacting.”
4. When it comes to sensitive topics, use “I” instead of “you” statements to avoid escalating tension.
5. Ask questions (especially open-ended questions) to make sure you understand what your partner is expressing. Address the issue with a proposed solution and always ask for your partner’s input.

3/ You can’t empathize with each other

Never underestimate the power of empathy. It increases overall satisfaction in relationships and reduces conflict. Empathy builds and maintains a trusting and meaningful relationship.

According to the Journal of Patient Experience, “empathy plays a critical role in relationships. When you have empathy for your partner, you can feel their pain and share the joys of their experiences” (Smith).

It can make all the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

You need to be able to see things from your partner’s perspective as well. You can’t assume that your partner feels and sees things the same way you do. Understanding where your partner is coming from helps to prevent you from reacting emotionally.

“Research has found that couples with a high degree of empathy for one another tend to feel closer emotionally and report feeling more connected overall” (Rickardsson).

When we take the time to understand our partner on a deeper level, it makes sense that it would lead to fewer arguments and being able to handle conflict more effectively. Empathizing helps you find common ground.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” — Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Empathy opens the door to what you can’t see.

Without empathizing, you only see the surface level of your partner: their body language, behavior, etc. What you can't see is their pain, worries, thoughts, trauma, etc. This lack of empathy causes miscommunication and hurt.

By emphasizing your partner, you go beyond the surface and form a deeper emotional connection when you put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective as well.

Empathy in a healthy relationship looks like this:

• Observing and being curious about your partner’s opinion and feelings
• Setting aside your own feelings and perspectives momentarily while you listen to your partner
• Being open and accepting of the fact that your partner may not feel the same as you about certain topics and how the relationship is progressing overall
• Considering and imagining what it’s like to feel the way your partner has been feeling
• Having the drive and desire to think about and ask what you can do to help

How to practice empathy with your partner

1. Firstly, take a good look at yourself. You may need to work on yourself and develop self-empathy before you can do the same for your partner. Understand and label your emotional responses and figure out where they stem from.
2. Practice mindfulness as it can make you more emotionally available for each other.
3. Face unresolved conflict and potential resentment which could be hindering your ability to empathize with each other.
4. Practice active listening and take the time to process and understand what your partner is telling you; make your partner feel that their emotions are valid.
5. Fully take into account how your partner feels. Doing this and having that reciprocated back to you creates a deeper connection enhancing your relationship.

There’s something here that’s necessary in order for any of these to exist and for your relationship to prosper and survive. What do these things have in common?

They all require listening — attentive/active listening. When you’re with someone, you need to be able to respect them, communicate openly and honestly with them, and show empathy which all require listening.

If you truly love and trust your partner, you’ll be willing to put in the effort to make it work. There will always be ups and downs. It’s a matter of never giving up on each other and doing your best to be there for one another.

If this isn't reciprocated from both sides, if these 3 things continue to be non-existent or decrease no matter how hard you try, it may be best to go your separate ways. But at least you’ll know you gave it your all.