3 Signs that Your Relationship has Reached Breaking Point

If these ring true for you, it’s time to act

1. You’ve stopped arguing…but not because you’re happy

Arguing is a way of clearing the air — a way to thrash out a specific issue and reach a resolution.

Being able to argue constructively and respectfully is actually essential to building a long and happy relationship. No two people can agree on everything all of the time.

If you’ve given up arguing, it’s probably a result of not being able to conclude on an issue after multiple attempts.

Couples usually stop arguing because they’ve resolved a point.

If you’ve stopped arguing but you haven’t reached a resolution, you’ve given up.

Letting things go is healthy, but letting everything go, is not.

This is a red alert.

Solution: you need to decide whether the relationship is worth saving. If it is, it’s time to learn to debate those key issues constructively.

2. You have nothing good to say about each other

If you find yourself regularly bemoaning your partner to your family, friends, or even colleagues, you’re in trouble.

The key to the above sentence is the word regularly.

The odd whinge? Fine.

Affectionately joking about how she has filled your spare room with collectible Sylvanian Families or how he has joined a metal detecting club? Fine.

Your dissatisfaction with your partner becoming a go-to topic? Definitely not fine.

If your friends ask after your partner with the expectation that there’s more drama or unhappiness that you’ll need to share with them…

This is another red alert.

Solution: analyze what you’re saying about each other and why. Has this just become a habit? Or are you genuinely not happy together?

3. You sleep separately

But so does the Queen and the King! I hear you cry.

Let me be clear on this one — you used to go upstairs at the same time and sleep together in a bed…but now you don’t.

The starting point is what was the norm, compared to what happens now.

There may be exceptions…

People have different circadian rhythms, so your partner consistently coming to bed late and raising after you, may well be completely normal.

There may be health conditions at play. Perhaps you each need different mattresses or one of you needs more space. Perhaps one snores and disturbs the other.

For numerous reasons, this could be your normal sleeping set up.

However, if there are no genuine reasons why (be honest), this is a big red alert.

Back before we had iPhones with torches and emergency call settings…homo sapiens were most vulnerable at night when sleeping. Historically, this was when predators or other tribes attacked. Collective sleeping was key to survival.

So — unless there’s an honest and good reason why — no longer sleeping together may be a sign that you don’t want to be vulnerable to each other.

To make matters worse, lovemaking may decline if its ‘slot’ before sleep is removed.

Solution: talk about it! Make changes and compromises to get some ZZZzzz’s together. Sleeping together a couple of nights a week can give your relationship a great boost.

Sources

Relate — Relationship and Marriage Advice https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships

10 Best Pieces Of Relationship Advice, Straight From Couples Counselors by Marrissa Gainsburg in Women’s Health. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a28905291/relationship-advice-for-women/