3 Quick Tips From My Therapist to Relieve Anxiety and Get On With Your Day
Actionable pieces of advice that you can implement at a moment’s notice when everything feels overwhelming.
While I was traveling in Iraq a few years ago, I saw a number of women who carried giant blue sacks through the streets — balanced precariously on their heads. They didn’t even use their hands to help.
At the time, I remember being impressed by the apparent talent of these women. But looking back on it, all I can think about is the restrictions placed on them by these sacks. They couldn’t walk too fast, turn too far, or think too much. One little mistake and everything would come crashing down.
It’s an apt analogy for the mental weight most of us carry around on a daily basis. We play a delicate balancing act, insisting to ourselves that we’re fine and just need to push through. But just like the women I saw in Iraq, the stress and anxiety hold us back — we can’t walk as freely and lightly as we might like to when we’re continuously burdened by our thoughts.
I have a tendency to let my anxiety build up little by little until my mind undergoes a complete system failure. It’s the mental equivalent of everything in the sack crashing down. Over the past couple years, my therapist has shared realistic and helpful methods that have helped me immensely. I’m hoping they can do the same for you.
Tip 1: Visualize yourself carrying a 100 lb bag and then releasing it as you breathe out
I’ll admit I was skeptical when I first heard this one. I had just finished venting about how all the people in my life were irritating me in various ways. My friends were being jerks (not even to me), my sister was annoyed with my parents being overprotective about a party, some stranger was being pretentious … and so on.
After I finished, my therapist pointed out something eye-opening which I was too bitter to see for myself: pretty much everything I had mentioned had nothing to do with me. I was actively taking on other people’s worries as my own for no good reason. I could let go of them, and everything would be okay.
He walked me through an exercise in mental imagery, telling me to close my eyes and physically pretend to carry a heavy bag containing all the stress I harbored. At his cue, I breathed out and let the bag go. I immediately felt better — so much better, in fact, that I have used the technique repeatedly since.
Turns out he was onto something. Quite a bit of psychological research suggests that visualizing yourself reaching a goal goes a long way toward actually achieving it. This is as true for mental health as it is for a career goal.
Sometimes, you’re inadvertently carrying around a lot of stress that doesn’t belong to you. Take a breath. Let it go.
Tip 2: Stop thinking and just focus on your breath
Some forms of stress build up over time, and others inflate into your chest all at once. I remember my first time experiencing the latter type.
I was sitting on my bed after a difficult conversation with a friend, and suddenly it was like I couldn’t breathe. I started to panic, not knowing who to call, not knowing where to go, not knowing what to think. It was terrifying, possibly the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to a panic attack.
I called my therapist out of the blue. I don’t remember much of what I said, just that it was incoherent. I felt like I couldn’t even stand up, much less go on with life. It may sound dramatic, but that’s genuinely what I experienced.
Sensing my terror, he gently told me to stop thinking for a second. “Breathe in,” he said. I halfheartedly obeyed. “Good. Now breathe out.”
This continued for a good few minutes, with no interruptions except his guiding voice. I don’t remember anything else from the call, but I do remember that when I hung up, I was no longer as tense. I could think clearly and figure out a way forward.
In that moment, no amount of advice could have helped me. I couldn’t even articulate what exactly was wrong, so how was someone supposed to give me advice? How would I even apply it in my scattered state of mind?
Focused breathing enabled me to center myself and get my thoughts in order. And it was no accident. There are a number of science-backed studies speaking to the benefits of mindfulness. When your mind is at peace, everything else flourishes.
Tip 3: The four golden phrases
Much of the anxiety we face in our lives is related to our interactions with others. Humans are by nature gregarious beings. As a result, it pays to have good relationships.
In order to help me navigate my relationships, my therapist consistently encourages me to practice saying the following four phrases:
“I love you.”
“I forgive you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
Simple as that. If you’re willing to swallow your pride and approach others with love, relationships don’t need to be as hard as society makes them out to be.
The four phrases above center around a fundamental tenet of mental health: gratitude. Countless scientific studies have spoken to the role gratitude plays in happiness. Before the advent of science, most religions and philosophies taught the same thing. If there’s one thing humans have known since the beginning of existence, it’s that being thankful is a foundation for living a peaceful life.
Although only the last phrase above explicitly thanks the recipient, they are all an expression of love and forgiveness. They demonstrate an active appreciation of the people in your life, which will more often than not be reciprocated. Your mental health will be better for it.
Final Thoughts and Recap
Anxiety exists in your mind, but it is most definitely a physical burden. It can completely take over your life and prevent you from doing anything productive. It helps to have concrete actions you can take to subtly but effectively chip away at it.
By applying the tips above, you can address your anxiety before it ever has a chance to paralyze you. In turn, you will physically feel lighter and enable yourself to approach each day with more energy. Here is a quick recap to aid your memory:
- Picture yourself holding a giant bag full of all your stress, and let it go.
- For five minutes, just breathe. Nothing else.
- Remember to say the four golden phrases to the people you love.
Until next time, folks!
