3 Questions I’ll be Answerable To When I’m Double My Age

Reflections as I turn 33 today

If you asked me as a kid where I wanted to be at age 33, I’d probably pause for 2 seconds start with — uh, definitely a wealthy Doctor or an Engineer who’s achieved a groundbreaking research — and uh, I’d also love to meet Michael Jackson (my then favorite artist).

Well, it’s the 11th day of February 2021, which means I’m 33 today.

Happy birthday to me!

However, I’m not a doctor, I’m sure not an engineer, I didn’t invent jack, I’m not even close to being rich and I never met Michael before he passed on.

So I guess congratulations are in order, for literally breaking all my childhood dreams.

How did I even get here?

To be honest, I’m not quite certain, but I think I have a clue.

Perhaps I could rewind and start from where it all began.

The Beginning

As early as I can remember, I always had it easier than other kids. For starters, I was my parents’ favorite. I was smarter than most kids my age. My classmates looked up to me for inspiration and even older kids came to me for advice.

I soared in academics, topped the class 99% of my high school life and before long, I knew I was well on my way to having a great life.

Just kidding.

None of these happened.

I grew up with the orientation that I must always be the first in everything I was involved in. I literally lost count of how many times my dad preached this gospel to me. I saw life as a contest. I strived to be the best, the leader, the one kid everyone else looked up to.

But life didn’t go quite as planned.

I was smart but wasn’t nearly as smart enough. I was cool but it seemed other kids lived in refrigerators. I had potential but other kids had it way more in abundance. I never stood out. I was an “almost had it” kid. I was always present in action, but was sure to lose the last dance contest to the winner.

At some point I said to myself — whatever, all I have to do is to put all this stuff behind me and grow up.

Growing Up

It wasn’t that easy.

I kept recording consistent near misses as I grew into a young adult. I also suffered heartbreaks from my girlfriend, several failed businesses and my inability to secure an admission into college.

I had a dysfunctional relationship with my dad, he would beat the crap out of me at the slightest provocation. I also suffered trauma when I was sexually molested by my house maid who left me with an STD that almost took my life.

Quite exhausting if you asked me.

It was frustration upon frustration for me. All I wanted was to be a “great kid.” What exactly was my crime and why did life have to be this mean? My only consolation was my mum who was so supportive of me (I love her so much).

Soon enough, I started to let my disappointments get the better part of me. I began to feel less confident of myself. I was temperamental and it only made growing up rougher.

Not long after, I turned into an introverted being, partly from the pain of my early defeats as a kid, and partly as a reason to practice more self-reflection and turn on a new strategy for the next phase of my life.

The Next Phase

By the time I finally got into University, I was an expert introvert. I hated people. Of course, my grades weren’t good enough to take me to Med school so I ended up studying Microbiology.

I didn’t make much friends because I spent most of my time alone. Good thing though because the only friend I made became an elder brother I never had. He was my best-man on my wedding day.

School was a heck of a tough ride. It was never fun.

I did several jobs to pay my school fees and cater for my upkeep, got beaten up by cultist severally, burnt my hostel room with all my original certificates in it, missed 70% of my classes, fractured my left knee, sold my uncle’s TV set and furniture, got into fights with almost all my lecturers and got dumped by yet another girlfriend.

Thank God, six years passed and it was all over. I was free and finally ready to face life.

My next plan?

The Revenge

The revenge plan was to spite my dad with my success. I mean, this was the only thing I could do at this point that would make so much sense. He was never there when I really needed him.

I wanted to look him in the eye with all my money and ask him why he allowed life hurt me this much.

Life came again to hunt me — I couldn’t find a job after searching for 21 painful months. At this point, I wish I could own a crystal ball that would just tell me where my life was all headed.

I eventually got an e-mail from a top-tier financial institution the next month.

Congratulations, you’ve been hired!

Moving On

My heart was filled with immeasurable joy. This is where my life started making sense gradually.

At first, I had to rise above the typical challenges one would face at a new job but before long, I put my past behind me and found my feet.

I grew to be an exemplary staff. I met and surpassed targets, got rewarded, appreciated and soon enough, I started to become an inspiration to other employees. My colleagues started to change for the better because of me.

I was doing so well at work that having to spite my dad with my success Seemed so irrelevant.

I moved on.

But then the next best thing came.

My Life Turned Around

This is the part I can easily label “the best decade of my life.”

Because in this part, I met my wife.

Everything turned around for good. Even in our fights, I was mostly happy. We dated for 5 years before the wedding bells rang. Two years later, she gave me the best gift of my life.

If I felt immeasurable joy the the day I got my first job, then words can literally not explain the type of joy I felt the day our son was born. It was by a very far cry, the happiest day of my life.

My life has changed a lot since then.

I’m not a doctor or an engineer but I have a stable life, a wife that loves me, an energetic boy I’m crazy about, a stable income, a growing business, a family to die for, a passion to look forward to and a life free of debt.

What’s Next?

These days, I think about my son and the well-being of my family. I worry about finances as well as his grooming. I never want him to go through any life experience as similar as mine.

I’m still distracted with work and I’m scared I might not be as good enough a father.

I look at my wife and thank God for bringing such a blessing into my life. We quarrel sometimes (well, such is life) but deep down, I want to be able to pay her back for bringing so much love, light and sanity into my life.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m still making some sort of a mistake, if I’m supposed to be chasing a passion I’m yet to discover, if I will end up regretting actions or omissions later on in life, if I ever really ever got better, or if it was make-believe.

I think to myself; “If all this happened to you in just 33 years, I wonder what will happen in the next 33.”

The Questions

I’m 33 today and when I’m double my age, my hope is to come back here to answer these 3 questions with a big smile on my face.

1. How did you deal with the hard times?

Look what life made you go through at such an early age. Now look where you are now.

Even if you’ve somehow encountered some difficulty in your past (which is my future), I hope you always had it in mind that your past doesn’t determine who you’ll become in future.

I hope you used this mindset to weather the storms you encountered?

2. How did you deal with your mistakes?

Nobody’s perfect and because we are human, we’ll probably continue to make mistakes.

Chances are that you made a couple of mistakes in my future (don’t worry, I forgive you).

I hope you made a good effort to right all your wrongs immediately you realized yourself?

3. How did you treat them?

Reflecting on my life with this story made me realize that the most important thing wasn’t the money or achievements, but the people around me.

My colleagues who gave me a sense of purpose, my mum who was always supportive, my wife and kid who changed my life forever.

I guess my life would have been so much worse without them.

So, did you mend your relationship with your dad? Is he even still alive? I know by now, you’ll probably have 2 or 3 grown-up kids. I hope you’re friends with them and I hope you were, and still are a good father to them?

And as for your wife, I hope you discovered 1000 ways to make her happy? I hope she derived as much joy as you did from her? I hope she’s living her best life yet and I hope you two are still together in love?

Most importantly, I hope you tasted the greatest depths of love with her?

Yours truly,

Your 33 year-old self.

Happy 66th Birthday!