3 Psychological Ways to “Hater-Proof” Yourself as a Creator

Develop a thick skin and publish your work with confidence.

If you have haters, you know you’ve made it online.

At least, that’s what many self-proclaimed online business experts claim.

And sometimes, I’m not sure whether that’s a self-defense mechanism to justify why they’re being hated.

Yet, it’s true that most creators eventually face internet hate when their audiences grow.

And unless you’re a superhuman, haters will cost you time and energy because you might take their opinion personally. This is particularly painful for new creators who’ve struggled to get their work in front of an audience in the first place.

While female creators typically doubt themselves more than men, being confident about your work and staying true to yourself is a challenge regardless of your gender or previous experience.

And as Don Miguel Ruiz writes in The Four Agreements:

“By taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.”

But that’s not what we want, right?

You didn’t start to share your ideas, knowledge, and passion with the world to suffer.

You did it because you wanted to create a positive impact while building a business you love. And even though negative comments are part of the game, they don’t have to affect you.

Use the Spotlight Effect to your advantage

According to the Spotlight Effect, we typically overestimate how much attention others pay to us. We believe we’re in the spotlight, even if you’re not.

It’s one of the most common cognitive biases that shape how we think and act. That’s because most of us feel uncomfortable when we believe others are paying close attention to us.

As humans, we want to be liked by others. It’s a natural instinct because not being liked meant danger to our ancestors.

If you were left behind thousands of years ago, you had little chance of surviving because you needed peers to hunt and gather.

But times have changed. You can survive on your own nowadays, yet, we still want to be liked.

And our desire to be liked often leads to misconceptions about how much attention others pay to us, particularly to our mistakes.

In reality, you’re not the center of attention.

Most people don’t pay much attention to your work. Even if they leave a hateful comment, they’ll forget about your content by the next day — latest.

Most haters don’t spend more than a few minutes checking out your work — if at all.

They see something they don’t like or disagree with, feel triggered, and impulsively share their thoughts.

And that’s it.

It has nothing to do with who you are, your worth as a creator, or the value of your work.

Haters are much more focused on themselves than on your content. They get mad because they see a reflection of themselves in your work.

Yet, when you’re too worried about their opinion, you might struggle to come up with creative ideas, feel more anxious about publishing your work, and eventually really produce worse results as a reflection of your fear.

Most people don’t pay as much attention to you as you think.

That might sound disheartening, but it’s also good because it means you can just go ahead and keep showing up without worrying too much.

Imagine not worrying about what anyone might think about you — ever.

That sounds like quite a relief, doesn’t it?

Well, it’s not entirely true. Some people might sometimes think of you. But most people don’t.

Use that freedom to your advantage.

Pick your change

When you receive negative feedback, you have two ways to deal with it:

• You can change what you do because you value the feedback and want to use it to improve your work.
• Or you change how you interpret the feedback, so it doesn’t affect you.

You change your action or your perception.

Either way, you’re using the feedback to make a change.

While changing your action means that you believe the negative commenter was right and there’s something you can improve about your work, changing your perception means you’re finding confidence in your work despite negative feedback.

Instead of dwelling in self-pity or doubting yourself, you change your perception because you don’t want to be affected by it.

You can change your perception by using cognitive restructuring.

Borrow the Power of Cognitive Restructuring

According to cognitive behavioral therapy, our thoughts have an impact on how we feel.

“CBT is based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a negative cycle.” — NHS

If we can change our thoughts, we can change how we feel. And if we change how we feel, we have more possibilities to deal with negative experiences or feedback.

In simple terms, cognitive restructuring helps us identify negative, toxic, or unhelpful thought patterns and replace them with more ones.

Here’s a simplified example:

#1 You start by identifying your negative thoughts.

Let’s say you recently started to write online. You’re passionate about a specific topic, want to learn more about it, and share your lessons and journey by publishing articles online.

You published a few stories and got some lovely comments from readers saying they’ve really enjoyed your work.

But then it happens.

You receive your first negative comment.

Someone says they disagree with your writing, and you start to doubt yourself.

You think you’re not good enough.

You feel like a fraud.

And you think that maybe, this whole content creation thing isn’t for you.

#2 We have to start by challenging those negative thoughts.

Now that we’re aware of how the negative feedback made us feel, we need to validate whether it’s true, rational, or helpful.

Ask yourself whether there is any evidence that supports or contradicts the negative thought.

Since you’ve already received positive comments on your work, you know that the negative comment is just the opinion of one person.

Others have indeed enjoyed what you’ve created.

Just because one person doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean your work is worthless or bad.

Different people have different opinions, and that’s fine.

#3 Now that we’ve embraced that our initial negative thought isn’t entirely true, we replace it with a positive thought.

In our example, we can be grateful for each feedback since it provides an opportunity for growth.

Maybe there’s something true about the negative comment?

Maybe you can provide more research-based evidence to support your writing, so your readers don’t question the accuracy of your work in the future?

Or you focus on the fact that receiving negative feedback means that people are actually discovering your work in the first place. That’s a success in itself.

#4 Do it all over again.

Cognitive restructuring isn’t something you do once. Instead, you have to think of it as a habit.

Every time you face negative emotions, you can use the first three steps to your advantage and reinforce positive thoughts to replace the negative emotions.

Final thoughts

Sometimes, life is a numbers game. This is particularly true for content creators.

Despite strategic decisions and smart processes, your work might sometimes reach the wrong people. As Tim Ferriss writes in Tools of Titans:

“10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it and treat it as math.”

As your audience grows, 10% can turn into a huge number. Treat it as part of the process.

As a creator, your job is to share your valuable message, experiences, and knowledge with the world (and eventually make a living off your efforts).

Making sure everybody likes what you do isn’t part of your job.

The internet is full of trolls who wouldn’t dare to speak up in “real life.” They’re just waiting to find the next creator to blame for their miserable lives.

I don’t think you should be proud of having haters.

But you should be prepared to face them because as your audience grows, you will.

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