3 Psychological Ways to Be Unforgettable

In a world full of forgettable people, you can choose to not be one of them

“Vera?” I heard after opening my front door to retrieve the pizza I’d ordered in my pajamas and a messy bun. The delivery driver, standing six feet away from me, smiled as I looked at him in utter confusion until he took off his mask and hat to reveal his face. He remembered me, I didn’t remember him.

It took him reminding me that we attended the same middle school and high school together for me to remember him — and to be quite honest I remembered him more from seventh grade than all four years of high school.

The idea that he’d so quickly recognized me made me question why I hadn’t had a similar response. And what it would’ve taken for him to leave such an impression on me that I’d remember him to this day.

It’s great when you are remembered by others, especially when it’s for good work you’ve done, or for something smart you said; but even more impressive when you are remembered simply for who you are.

Here are three psychological ways to be more memorable that I try to use in my daily life to increase my own memorability. This can be used for job interviews, flirting with someone new, or even just having more memorable conversations with someone you’ll likely never see again.

Don’t Just Enter With a Bang, Exit With One Too

The Serial Positioning Effect is a well-researched concept in psychology, explaining that in a sequence of events people tend to remember things that happened first and last, with those sticking the strongest in their memory.

You can use this to your advantage in a multitude of different situations, though this can also work to your disadvantage if not done incorrectly.

Your first impression needs to matter, always start with a bang. Compliment the other person (extra points if it’s something other than their shirt), make a light joke they can feel in on, etc.

“People will remember the good parts and forget what happened in between, even if it was kind of average.” — Ryan Anderson Ph.D, teaching at Monash University.

For your exit, always bring up something about them that you appreciated earlier but “almost forgot to mention”, or re-iterate the joke (if applicable) or the compliment. Try to make them feel the best about themselves at both the beginning of the conversation and the very end.

See The World As Half-Full

“Some of the most memorable people are not beauty queens or dashing princes; they are regular-looking people with unique characteristics or warm, endearing personality traits that make the rest of us feel good about ourselves.” — Wendy L. Patrick, JD, Ph.D

The human brain is wired to be negative and prepared for the possibility of a threat at any time. This is why when introduced to someone who is overly optimistic and excited about life, we remember them. They seem to be excited about every aspect of life and make us all the more excited being around them.

We remember people who are comfortable in their skin and positively love themselves. You likely had someone around you growing up whose self-esteem you wished to emulate. Maybe they were great at giving genuine compliments, always took criticism like a champ, or seemed to have a smile on their face every time you saw them.

We all want to feel good and happy in our everyday lives, though it isn’t always easy. So choosing to be someone who actively works to be happy in life is a great way to be remembered. Not only that, but you will also likely inspire those around you to take a step back and reflect on how they are behaving in their own life.

You May Be Hearing, But You Aren’t Listening

When someone is talking to you — whether casually while waiting in line or one on one in a closed-door room, listen to them intently. Pay attention to what they are saying and the non-verbal signals they are giving off. Take time to think about what they said before responding. Engage with their words and how they are saying them, this can be described as Perspective taking.

“Perspective taking is a process for gaining interpersonal understanding. It requires one to understand the meaning that a situation holds for another and to adjust to the needs of that interaction counterpart (Blumer, 1969; Goffman, 1967). Perspective taking allows people to respond to the needs and actions of others in a flexible, responsive manner.” — Michele Williams, Cornell University

People want to be heard and understood. It is so simple, yet so hard for all of us to take time away from ourselves to focus on another.

Engage with what they are passionate about, recognize their feelings, and use them to build a deeper connection even if it’s just for five minutes. It may mean more to the other person than you could ever know.

Effective memorability is something all of us are striving for every time we walk into a room and want to leave a positive impression. And it’s possible, not always easy, but possible.

The best way to be remembered is to be unforgettable. Make those around you desperate to remember the way you made them feel, and you won’t soon be forgotten.