3 Lessons My Dad Taught Me When I Was Nine
And how it changed my life
You know how Asian fathers are, especially those who were raised in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. They were strict, overprotective, and emotionally distant. So did my father.
“You must be home before seven.”
“You must do well in class.”
“You must not skip prayers.”
“Listen to your teachers.”
Those are the daily reminders uttered by him. Of course I would just nod and say “yes dad”. If I argue or answer otherwise, there will be some price that I have to pay. Despite his austerity, he taught me valuable lessons that I will always remember. Here are the 3 most valuable life lessons that he taught me when I was nine.
1. Don’t stop until you’re done
“You are so resilient, so tough! So, why quit now. Quitting on yourself is something you’ll do when you’re tired and trust me it is one thing you’ll never forgive yourself for this. Don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done.”
It was August 1997, when we were supposed to stage a play about the country’s independence day which is due for staged at the end of the month. I was selected as the main cast in the play and was very excited when I received the news. My dad was excited too. Little that I know, being in a play is not an easy assignment especially if you are the main cast. I have to memorize almost 30 pages of lines for an hour play.
The rehearsal was held every day after school. We even need to rehearse over the weekends. It was so tiring and I had trouble memorizing my lines. During one of the rehearsal days, my mind went blank. I can’t remember my lines. My teacher kept reminding me of my lines. She was devastated by my performance. She told me that I did not practice enough and if I failed to improve my performance, she will need to select another student to replace my part. Some of my classmates even told me that I was not qualified as the main cast and should not be selected for that part from the very beginning. I felt like I was a total failure.
That night, I told my dad that I wish to quit the play. My dad asked me for the reasons and I told him the whole story. Then my dad said “you are so resilient, so tough! So, why quit now. Quitting on yourself is something you’ll do when you’re tired and trust me it is one thing you’ll never forgive yourself for this. Don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done.”
His words of encouragement has changed my mind. I worked harder and my performance has improved day by day.
On the day the play was staged, I performed very well and was praised by many including parents, teachers, and peers. I was awarded as the ‘Best Actress’ and received a certificate for my achievement. That was the day my dad told me that he was proud that I did not quit. He told me that “the man who does not give up can move mountains.”
Early this year, I started my own legal practice after being employed for the past 8 years. Last month was tough because we were in quarantine and I have to cancel appointments with some potential clients. My business was not doing well. That was the moment I was thinking that I should go back to being employed. I was searching for my academic transcript to prepare for job hunting when I found that certificate of achievement in my drawer. That moment hit me hard.
Why was I thinking about quitting my business? Just because we are having a hard time, doesn’t mean I should quit.
So what I did was I contacted my potential clients and offer to assist them via online. They felt very much appreciated because not many legal firms are operating during these tough moments. So I secure myself some new clients.
It seems that the lesson my dad taught me when I was 9 is still valuable to me in my 30s.
2. Stand up for yourself
“Don’t ever let anyone break your soul. You have to stand on your own two feet and fight. There are those who would give anything to see you fall, never give them the satisfaction, hold your head up high, put a smile on your face, and stand your ground.”-Dad
I was quite nerdy when I was in school. I spend hours in the library reading by myself. I was not popular and had not many friends. Often I was being picked by some boys from my class. With a big round eyeglass and few books in hand, I was an easy target. Sometimes the boys would pull my hair and sometimes they would throw papers to me. Most of the time, I would just ignore them.
One day I was reading at the library and was approached by Maliq, my classmate. He came to me smiling. He asked if he could have a look at my eyeglass and I blankly hand him the eyeglass. In just a few seconds, he broke the eyeglass into two parts. I was shocked. I was not aware of what was going on. It turns out that the boys were playing ‘Truth or Dare’ and Maliq was challenged to break my eyeglass when he chose for a ‘Dare’. I was left humiliated. Some of my peers were giggling and whispering about the incident.
Dad was surprised when I came home crying. He asked about what had happened to me. I was hesitant to tell because I didn’t want my dad to make a scene at school. He was so concerned until I finally told him about what had happened.
My dad told me “don’t ever let anyone break your soul. You have to stand on your own two feet and fight. Some would give anything to see you fall, never give them the satisfaction, hold your head up high, put a smile on your face, and stand your ground.”
My dad told me to be fierce and face them. He gave me an ultimatum: if I do not stand up for myself, he will. That scared me even more. I do not want my peers to be teasing me of being a daddy’s girl.
So the next morning, I went to the boys with a poker face. I was so nervous. I stand straight, pick up a pencil, and broke it into two. I told them to leave me alone or I will break their legs. They were shocked. Although I was sure they were not scared of me but I think they respected me when I came up bravely and stand to myself. What you allow is what will continue. After that, they just left me alone and my life was more peaceful than before. When you hear people making hateful comments, stand up to them. Point out what a waste it is to hate, and you could open their eyes.
The lesson my dad taught me when I was 9 is valuable to me when I have grown up. I remember when I was an intern at a small law firm in Kuala Lumpur in 2009. My superior demand that I should bring him a cup of tea whenever he felt like it. He would send me out to collect his dry cleaning, buy his lunch, and other errands. During the second week, I told him that if I have to continue doing his errands, I would put it in my report and told my fellow coursemate not to apply for any vacancy at his firm. Later he stopped asking me to do his errands and started teaching me the real things I should be learning as an intern.
I thank my dad for teaching me to stand up for myself.
3. Life is more than just an academic transcript
“Life is more than just your academic transcript. Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them, and enjoy their riches. It didn’t matter how big our house is; it mattered that there is love in it. Where there is family, there is love.”-Dad
Eid al-Fitr (or Eid as it is better known) is celebrated by Muslims around the world to mark the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting. It a joyous and highly anticipated holiday. Eid is meant to be a time of celebration and spending quality time with family and friends. Typically, Muslims will wear new clothes, homes are decorated elaborately and intricately to welcome the occasion. People visit others and spend time with family and friends throughout the day.
That day, I was studying for a final examination which was scheduled after the Eid’s holiday. I told my dad that I don’t feel like visiting other family members because I need to focus on my study. That was the day my dad gave me his valuable advice.
“Life is more than just your academic transcript. Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them, and enjoy their riches. It didn’t matter how big our house is; it mattered that there is love in it. Where there is family, there is love.”
My dad taught me that life is more than just your academic transcript, life is more than just graduating college, life is more than just your paycheck, life is more than just climbing the corporate ladder. Life is about love, compassion, giving, and receiving. Family and friends are life.
Since that day, I will ensure that I’ll be available whenever my family needs me. I will be home for every Eid celebration. I’ll lend my hands and ears whenever my friends need me.
All because my dad taught me that life is more than just an academic transcript.
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