3 Ridiculously Lazy Email Habits That Make You Seem Like a Jerk
In life, it's not always about what you say, but how you say it
A 300-year-old witch
There once was a miserable 300-year-old witch who worked in the basement of my office building and began every email to me with just my first name, ‘Keith’.
No ‘Dear Keith’. No ‘Hi Keith’. No ‘Hey Keith’. No ‘Hiya buddy!’.
Now, this co-worker was not literally a witch, but judging exclusively by the electronic correspondence that she sent me, I imagined that she was born in Salem.
Every morning, after she was finished stirring the ‘eye of newt and toe of frog’ into her witches’ cauldron, she would send me an email demanding something or other. And many times she just forwarded attachments.
“Keith, See attached.”
On the occasion that she had to replace the straw in her flying broom, she would send me a message, insisting on purchasing only the prickliest type of raw material.
“Keith, I require your immediate approval to order yellow cactus straw from Arizona.”
It would have been nice of her to say ‘please’ every once in a while, but she never did.
In retaliation for her rude email messages, I would respond in kind. My replies to her were both brief and cold. “OK”, I would say on Monday. “Approved”, I would reply on Tuesday.
And, on Thursdays, I would whip out the classicly dismissive “Thx”.
One Friday afternoon, I decided to make the long walk down to the bowels of our office building to finally meet this horrible hag. And you know what?
She was absolutely pleasant. She was welcoming, funny, and she offered me a cup of tea with almond milk.
How could I have been so wrong about someone, simply from the tone of their emails?
Show some empathy, for gawd’s sake
I’m reminded of this former co-worker, as I read about Vishal Garg, the CEO of Better.com, who fired 900 employees via Zoom call, just a few weeks before Christmas.
“If you’re on this call, you are part of the unlucky group that is being laid off”, Garg said back in December. “Your employment here is terminated, effective immediately.”
I ask you, what kind of madman would think it was OK to create such a virtual firing squad? This callous action shows a complete lack of compassion and empathy for his employees.
“This is the second time in my career I’ve had to do this”, he had said on the call. “The last time I did it, I cried. I hope to be stronger this time.”
Garg just didn’t get it. He made the Zoom call about his own feelings and didn’t give a thought to the feelings of the employees who were actually losing their jobs.
Garg was rightfully placed on administrative leave shortly after the embarrassing debacle was brought to the attention of the media.
Note to self: If I ever have to fire 900 employees, make sure to fire each of them individually. Show some empathy, for pete’s sake.
In life, it's not always about what you say, but how you say it. Garg didn’t understand that. And it’s a lesson that my former co-worker also never learned in regards to her email correspondence.
The Golden Rule
We’ve all walked up to a grocery or hotel checkout counter, at one time or another, and found the customer service representative busy on a phone call or talking to another employee.
A really good customer service representative takes a moment away from their important phone call or conversation to glance over at you, raise their finger in the air, and mouth the words “I’ll be right with you”.
They acknowledge you because they would want the same thing to be done to them if they were in your situation.
That’s the difference between a bad customer service experience and a good one: a good one always involves a high degree of empathy.
In philosophy, the Golden Rule says “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. It’s the same with customer service experiences and email correspondence.
To build good relationships, treat people the way you would want to be treated.
What does this mean for email messages, exactly?
“I always thought you didn’t like me”, I told my co-worker in the basement office that Friday afternoon.
She was stunned. “Why would you think such a thing?”
After a gulp of delicious tea with almond milk, I explained that it was because she was so curt in her emails to me. I told her I noticed she never said ‘Hi’, or ‘How are you?’ She never said ‘please’, or even ‘thank you’.
It was all so blunt, I said.
She was mortified, and I felt a little bad for having embarrassed her. The truth is, she hadn’t even considered the tone of her emails.
“I send 100 emails a day. I’m going for quantity over quality here, Keith”.
I didn’t press the subject any further. I was a guest in her office, after all.
But in my mind, I knew that lack of time was a weak excuse. There are only really three things to remember to improve email relationships:
- When addressing a person on email, it takes less than a second to greet them. It’s lazy to just put their first name, or worse, to not include a greeting at all. Use ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’ (or something similar) before their first name, whatever is most appropriate.
- Using the word ‘please’ whenever you are asking for something is simple, courteous, and fast. The same goes for saying ‘thank you’ whenever someone gives you something.
- Ending your email with a cordial sign-off is less important than the above two points, but can be used for relationship building as well. Some people sign off their emails with “Best Regards”, or worse, “Brgds”. I prefer something less formal, like “Please let me know if you need anything else” or “Please feel free to call me if you need anything”.
An employee of mine once signed off an email with “Stay fit and healthy”. That was a little too informal for a business email, I think. Nonetheless, her intentions were honorable. She was employing the Golden Rule. She was treating others as she wanted to be treated.
If you use empathy when sending emails, or just when walking around in your regular life, you will never go wrong.