3 Basic Reasons You Fail At Negotiations

Master these elements before going for the kill

39% of workers negotiated their starting salary upon receiving an offer of employment. 39%. Let that sit and marinate for a second. This means that recruits often accept the initial compensation package with little to no attempts at negotiating better.

Even more pitiable, according to Payscale, only 37% of Millenials have actually negotiated a raise. This is abysmal. Negotiating is a powerful tool, and if done right, it can generate win-win situations for all parties.

In fact, research shows it is one of the coveted skills in the post-pandemic world. Every time you don’t negotiate better for yourself — in currency terms — you leave money on the table, which is a disservice to your growth and job value.

Negotiation is the opportunity you have to speak on your behalf, add value, and tell your story in plain terms. It is self-advocacy in action. Though daunting, it can be done. So negotiate because fun fact, hiring managers expect you to negotiate your pay.

However, to excel you can’t wing it. Winging it means you will end up at a disadvantage. Chris Voss, former FBI negotiator with 26 years of experience highlights the ways people fail at negotiating by winging it. These can be distilled into 3 basic points.

You Are Unprepared

Luck is what happens when Preparation Meets Opportunity- Seneca

Think of it this way, you wouldn’t go to war with questionable gear, nor would you show up for a court case naked. (Unless you are trying to make a statement, then do you.) The preparation stage involves the understanding that pushback occurs during the negotiation process. Being prepared will help you succeed.

According to Chris Voss being prepared entails taking an accusation audit. An accusation audit includes knowing your adversary, anticipating their moves, putting forth an argument and counterargument framework to gain insight and gain the upper hand.

Essentially, it’s a game of chess and the only way to succeed is to use research and facts. They will be your ally, so research like you care.

Imagine you’ve been hired as a product manager in the US with a salary package of $89,000. According to Google, the average salary for a product manager is $109,000.

Still with me? Great.

Now ask yourself where you fall on that median scale and come up with your personal baseline. Do not budge from this baseline.

What to do

If you don’t know where to begin, use these as a gauging tool to help inform your pay grade decision;

• Make an individual SWOT analysis, that includes your achievements (past and present), in addition to the soft and technical skills you possess. If you can be brutally honest about your ability to excel in the job with your skills, you can be more prepared to make the ask.
• Tie it back to the organization- Be clear about the value that you’ll bring to the table. Knowing median rates in the industry is all honky dory, but if you can’t demonstrate your value to the organization or your client, you’ll greatly decrease your chances of winning the negotiation.

You Don’t Lead With Empathy

Tactical Empathy is the process of knowingly and intentionally influencing your counterpart’s emotions to make deals- Chris Voss

Empathy here is strategic. It is a tactical approach to give the illusion of control to the other party. What it is, instead, is collaboration.

Tactic empathy shows that you are listening and can appreciate the other person's perspective. The goal is not to come to a “yes”, but to help the other party feel heard.

Tactical empathy is derived from understanding the foundations and tenets of communication and listening. If you do not know how to communicate effectively, then chances are you will be unsuccessful in negotiating.

If you have ever worked in sales, customer support, or a conflict resolution capacity, you will have some familiarity with implementing tactical empathy.

For example, a customer overwhelmed by their extortionate bill comes into your store. Would you want them to leave feeling unheard and their problems unsolved? No, you would want a happy and satisfied customer, I assume. To understand the issue, rely on your communication arsenal.

What to do

Here is your communication refresher to help foster an empathetic exchange;

• Use the pause- A pause and an open-ended question (how or what questions) are powerful. They help you see the person and the issue at hand more clearly. For example, “how can we resolve this issue” or “what are the expected results?”
• Mirroring- Repeating the last part of the sentence a person says shows you are paying attention
• Minimal encouragers- Use reassuring cues in moderation such as uh-huh, yes, sure, okay, to help people continue talking
• Labeling- naming people's feelings. You can do this with acute perception. Once again it relies on you paying attention to the other person.
• Paraphrasing- Repeating/ summarising what has been said in your words
• Summarising- combining paraphrasing and mirroring to provide clarity and get to, that’s right. Chris Voss states, “You’re aiming for a that’s right — the two magical words that enable you to get past an impasse, or even avoid one altogether.”

You Don’t Have A Confident Tone

“Your voice alone can be such art”- Chris Voss

The tone of your voice during negotiations is the final piece of the negotiation trifecta. Although assertiveness in negotiation is often touted as the best way to get what you want, it will only get you so far. Most people respond to the air of openness and collaboration as opposed to a staunch assertion of an idea. So tread softly.

Voss highlights two tones that we should imbibe during negotiations; an accommodating voice and the “late-night FM DJ” voice. The accommodating voice is used 80% of the time whilst the ‘late-FM DJ’ voice is one that you use the remaining 20%.

What to do

Now we can’t all be Barry White, but you can work on developing your version of a calm and measured way of speaking. Where the accommodating voice reduces or eliminates the air of defensiveness, the late-night DJ voice exudes calm and unflappable authority. Both are necessary.

Think about it, there is a specific reason you like a particular sales support person or a customer service personnel. These individuals are adept at harnessing their voice to meet a customer's need.

Final Thought

Negotiation is a delicate dance.

Much like ballroom or tango, you need the basics before twirling your partner around. You need to understand your partner, how they move, how they respond etc. Being able to do this separates the winning team from those floundering.

To do this, you will need to discard your ego but come with an inherent understanding of your self-worth, which can further your negotiation agenda.

The following will help you gain an upper hand;

• Be prepared
• Lead with empathy
• Train your voice