3 Irrational Behaviors We Use to Avoid Our Responsibility

Which creates lots of unnecessary nonsense in our lives

Taking total responsibility in life is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and the world. But that’s not easy as there are many excuses right from the beginning of our life.

Like, no one really wanted to be here, in life, right? Well, yeah, but no one asked. Our parents did the things that maybe they shouldn’t do, and nine months later, boom — we appeared. Then we went through the “eat, sleep and drink” phrase as a baby, education system, and someday, suddenly, we became aware of our existence.

What did we see then? That we are the product of our natural environment and family circumstances. But also that we have specific genes, potential, and predispositions. So, lots and lots of limitations and problems that we didn’t create, yet they affect us. And why should we be responsible for all that? We didn’t even ask to be here, right?

Well, we mostly escape that responsibility, and to do so, we use various defensive mechanisms.

Defense mechanisms are behaviors people use to separate themselves from unpleasant events, actions, or thoughts.

We are all familiar with basic denial of reality, displacement of emotions, repression of the past, or occasional escapism. It’s normal, but some people go way beyond that, giving away control over their lives or even sanity just to create an excuse for their behavior.

“Demons in My Head”

When we achieve something phenomenal, say something smart, or act in a good way, we don’t have any doubts. That’s us!

When we fail, say something ridiculous, or act in a silly way, we don’t have any doubts. That’s our demons, voices in our heads, the Devil himself made us do it, or that’s our ego rolling.

Well, that’s a great way to give away the responsibility for half of our existence. All the good things — that’s us, all the bad things — that’s not us. Sounds good on paper, but in reality, it can drive us crazy.

That’s a scary state of mind where we choose to use our intellect to manufacture various creatures and voices to escape our nature, human nature. And after all that creation, we are playing victims talking about “mental health issues,” which is somehow cute.

See, we are powerful enough to manufacture things that don’t exist in our heads just to give ourselves an excuse. So, think how wonderful lives we can build if we stop running from our “bad half” and focus our intellect on something useful. Also, how good life could be without all those voices.

“I’ll Be Complete Once I Find My Other Half”

In other words, you won’t be complete until you find your other half. Well, it’s scary because you can’t predict when or even if you’ll ever be complete.

The problem with such an attitude is that we set unreal expectations over dealing with ourselves and our current problems. So that’s a trick we play on ourselves using great values. The urge to “find the true love” lets us escape our daily life, so our responsibility for it.

We may romanticize “true love” as something that could heal our lives in a matter of seconds. We may fall on ideals just to rationalize walking with a “head in the clouds.” This way, we can justify the behavior of escaping responsibility with higher values, and love is just one of the possibilities.

But the worst part starts when, by a miracle, we’ll enter a relationship with such behavior. If the other person is necessary for us being complete, then we, both of us, have a serious problem. Why? Because we cannot afford to lose that person, and that’s where jealousy and other weird obsessions start.

See, when we are just one half and find our other half, we get 50% + 50% = 100%. Yet, there are two people in the relationship. So, we need to divide that by 2, and we get a 50% relationship. It may work, but most likely, it will end up after butterflies in our belly disappear.

It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.

— Josiah Stamp

Belief in Superstition

It starts with:

“I’m having a bad day because the black cat has crossed my path.”

It ends with:

“I cannot end that relationship because it’s a karmic relationship, and I can’t do anything about it. Even the fortune-teller told me so.”

Do any of us want to give control over our life to the black cat? We don’t, but it suits us. It creates, maybe irrational, but an excuse that we can use and feel better instantly instead of taking responsibility for our day.

And what about Karma? Let’s look at the Sanskrit definition of Karma.

The meaning of the term karma has undergone a curious evolution. The word is Sanskrit and means ‘act’, ‘action’, ‘deed.’ (…) In popular use, however, the term has acquired a fatalistic ring, so that if one sighs, ‘It’s my karma,’ the implication is that one is the helpless victim of destiny.

So, if you are unhappy, that means what you are doing is being unhappy. It’s not because of your previous births or acts or anything. It is just what you do.

Let’s agree that everyone could google the definition, understand its meaning and be free from “karmic consequences.” The problem is that believing such nonsense suits people. It gives an explanation of the higher power beyond our understanding that has tremendous power over our lives.

The Takeaway

Responsibility doesn’t seem like a great thing, so we use to avoid it. And in the result, we create lots of unnecessary nonsense that negatively affect our lives. We can end up hearing voices in our heads, entering toxic relationships, or believing in magic that controls us.

It’s easy to behave like that as it’s what the majority of people do. Maybe we learned it from our parents, who blamed us for their mistakes. Or they blamed the whole world. But that is another excuse “I avoid responsibility because my parents used to do so!”

See, that’s the problem with responsibility — there is always some excuse that we can use. We will always find something. It could be a bad childhood, being born in the wrong country, the evil government, the whole system, anything. Once you make up your mind upon making excuses, you’ll always find it.

But once you accept your circumstances and take responsibility, it will be liberating — no voices, no demons, just you and your actions. Once you do it, the path of improvement and change will open to you.

The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that’s the day you start to the top.

— O. J. Simpson

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