3 Habits I Left Behind in 2023- And Why You Should Too

Psychologists say these patterns guarantee your failure

New Year’s resolutions were never appealing to me. I grew up watching people make promises to themselves, from going to the gym or starting a new diet to changing jobs or transforming their lives in a major way, and then watching them give up by the second week of January.

It all seemed so pointless and arbitrary so I never leaned into it.

But last year, my life went through some major transformations that made me take a step back and make some changes. This isn’t your typical “New Year- New Me” list so buckle up, here are the top three habits I consciously left behind.

1- Spending Time With “Mid” People

We have all heard of the “cut out the toxic people in your life” advice maybe a million times and I took that advice to heart for years. I went around cleaning up my circle of unhealthy people and as helpful and necessary as that was, it didn’t prepare me for what came next.

What I didn’t realize was that I would then be left with a group of “mid” people that fit nowhere near any category. You know these people — they’re not so intolerably toxic that need to be cut off immediately but are also not actively contributing to your growth in any shape or form. The ones who have good intentions but still drag you down with their own incapacity for change. What do we do with those people?

I meditated on that for months.

When I first started my self-improvement journey and put my life in order, cutting out toxic people was the perfect piece of advice. But I’m now at a stage in my life where leveling up means going even further than plucking the low-hanging fruit. One of the greatest lessons of the growth journey is to be adaptive in the process — each new phase requires a whole new version of you, with a new set of decisions and mindsets. What worked for the “previous You” wouldn’t be necessarily useful to the “present You” and that doesn’t devalue the advice, it just means you need an upgrade.

This next phase of my growth required me to distance myself from the good-willed mediocre people. Intention alone isn’t enough, I needed to actively surround myself with individuals on the same path as me, with the same vision, the same drive, and similar capacities. This doesn’t mean abandoning everyone in my circle but rather limiting the time I spend with them and working on finding like-minded mentors.

2- Having a Single Source Of Income

Last year was a scary year for me. I went through a lot of sudden and unpredictable changes, one of which was being laid off.

Now, I’m typically a planner so I tend to have a few backup plans in place and adjust to life’s ups and downs relatively well. But last year’s sudden changes nearly knocked me down as I was being hit from multiple angles all at once. Long story short, I had an unexpected breakup, a death in the family, and fear of being convicted, all in the same week, so when the layoff happened (the following week), the financial burden was simply unbearable on top of everything else.

So in that moment of pain and uncertainty, I made a promise to myself, to never put myself in a position where so many outside factors can shift my reality.

While I can’t control life’s events, and certainly can’t predict a partner’s betrayal or a loved one’s death, what I could do was to make sure I was stable in all other areas of my life so if something like that were to happen again, I had the strength to pull through and that meant focusing on complete and utter financial freedom.

While most people may have that as their goal for leisure or travel purposes, (and there’s nothing wrong with that) mine was fueled by the intense need for survival.

So I got to planning.

First things first, I’m sure we all agree that having all your eggs in a single basket is not the wisest strategy. Gone are the days when we could just go to college, get a job, get promoted year after year, buy a house, start a family, and live happily ever after. That linear simplistic life is simply non-existent in today’s unpredictable age of technology so we have to learn to adapt, and quickly.

No matter how secure your position might seem, or how stable the company or industry is, I’ll be the one to say it, a single job is never safe.

So I started by diversifying my income and skills. I took two courses, completely unrelated to each other, in industries that I always found fascinating but never got involved in because they were too far off from my career. I then started multiple “side hustles” in various areas with limited time (1–4 hours per week) invested in each.

Here’s a lie we’ve been told: Pick a “passion” or something you’re good at, and go all in on it. While I understand the purpose of this mindset, it’s not always useful. In my experience, going in 80% on five things you find interesting is the path to a way more fulfilling life than going in 110% on only one thing and denying yourself the pleasure of experiencing life to the fullest.

Now, none of these extra “backup” paths will make me a millionaire on their own, and that’s not the goal. The collective diverse experience is ultimately what I’m aiming for. The point is to have multiple side incomes to fall onto in case circumstances shift unexpectedly. This also puts me in the best position to grow in my “main” career lane as it gives me the safety I need to negotiate. Knowing I have something that I can survive off of allows me to walk in and boldly ask for that promotion I know I deserve, and to walk away from any job that is killing my soul.

Start simple. Pick five areas that interest you, they don’t have to be related or even remotely close to the skillset you currently have. Get creative. What have you always been interested in learning more about? What are you curious about? What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?

Write down five and start learning about them. With hundreds of free online education sources, remote work options, and close to unlimited passive income routes, we live in a unique time in history where having multiple careers is a feasible possibility.

3- Complaining/Victim Mentality

It’s no surprise that we're in the midst of a cultural shift that uses victimhood as its currency.

To be totally honest, complaining or claiming victim status has never been a habit of mine to begin with, but with the challenging year I had, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get to me to some degree.

Here’s a harsh decision I made — to never allow myself to act or speak as a victim, even if I were actually the victim of a circumstance.

Hear me out.

I’m not promoting toxic positivity or saying we should never complain or rant to a friend in difficult times. What I mean is being conscious of that pattern of behavior in the long run.

I have a deep core belief that no matter what comes our way, regardless of how difficult it is at the moment, it always ends up shifting our path for the better. As cliche as it sounds, rejection is the universe’s term for redirection and I have watched it prove itself in my life time after time.

Knowing this automatically diminishes any sense of victim mentality because I don’t take any of my external life events personally. All I have to do is find what it’s trying to communicate to me and where it wants me to direct my attention instead. Laid off from a job? It ended up being the push I needed to start my own business tripling my income in just 3 months. Sudden and traumatizing breakup? It opened up a new portal of inner child healing that I wouldn’t have had access to in any other way regardless of the years of therapy I had already attended.

When realities shift, it’s always for the better. If I don’t see the positive that follows my path, it’s either because I’m refusing to open my eyes or it simply hasn’t happened yet.

For many people, the start of a new year marks an opportunity to reflect on their lives and think about where they would like to be in the future.

Let this piece be the catalyst you need to start making some changes and make this year the best experience you can create for yourself.