3 Facts That Improved My Emotional Intelligence and Anxiety

Experience from leaving family and friends in my home country and dealing with frustrations as a first-time parent

It’s funny how sometimes we spend so much time trying to convince and push ourselves to do something, but then we read or hear somewhere a phrase, a quote from a book, or maybe a thought we made up ourselves — and everything changes. Our perception and focus shift, and we find the right path forward.

It can happen with anything we are trying to achieve — to lose weight, do more exercise, wake up early, stop bad behavior or not think of some negative thought we’ve been having.

New knowledge and beliefs have helped me win against anxiety and lack of emotional intelligence throughout my life. It helped me become more resilient and recover from breakdowns.

In this story, I’m going to share these life-altering facts, and maybe, just maybe, it can be beneficial to you.

Emotional intelligence

One month ago or so, I felt disgusted with myself for losing my cool at my son. He’s two years old, and I was not handling well the frustrations, the bad nights of sleep, and the meal battles.

I wrote about it, and that already helped a lot. But when I read Confident Parents, Confident Kids, everything changed. I learned how emotions are contagious and easily transmittable — through the skin, heart rate or eye contact. That combined with the following passage:

if you react with emotional intelligence, you will not only pass through the tough moment in a healthy way, you’ll also model and teach a powerful lesson.

gave me the tools to feel in control of any situation and work twice as hard not to explode. Consequently, it made me feel more confident, as well. Whenever my son is nervous and crying, all I have to do is hug him (It’s not that easy, but it makes things better. Especially if you truly believe it).

Anxiety

When I moved abroad ten years ago, I suffered from anxiety and a panic attack in the second year away from home. It was quite terrifying for me. For the first time in my life, I felt not in control of my mind. It could go in certain directions triggering weird sensations in the body that I didn’t know how to handle. I was scared. On top of that, my years of easy and deep sleep abruptly ended.

Two facts helped me improve during that time, and it’s still very useful today.

Insomnia

According to research [1], the night may not have been as bad as you thought. In an experiment, people with insomnia would report periods they believe they didn’t sleep, but objective measures, such as polysomnography, would show otherwise.

There is a discrepancy between how much we think we sleep, and how much we actually do

I’d be concerned because the next day I’d be tired and needed to work. I knew that not proper sleeping is associated with medical conditions such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure. These concerns would create this cycle effect as not sleeping makes you worry, and worrying prevents you from sleeping.

Thinking I wasn’t sleeping at all would freak me out. For three days in a row. How could this be possible?! Taking sleeping pills helped me initially, but everything really changed when I found out that I might be sleeping after all (even if a tiny bit), and things were not as bad as I was thinking. That made me relax more and consequently improve my sleep. It created a positive cycle effect.

Negative thoughts

Thoughts and dreams don’t define who you are; they’re simply thoughts and dreams, and you have control over them only up to a certain point. This is a great article that may make you feel different and better instantly. Here’s a quote from it:

The problem is not the fact that your mind gives you negative thoughts; the problem is that you take your mind so seriously. Just because your mind says something is important does not mean it actually is important. Just because something feels important also does not mean it is important.

Thoughts are just thoughts.

For example, when you watch or read some thriller or suspense — it’s natural to mix your personal life with some scene or passage and think or dream about it. You should definitely not cultivate such thoughts. Of course, if it’s difficult to let go and bother you, you should look for help.

Little by little, with patience and perhaps luck for getting to know the right information at the time, I’m able to persevere through life and be more resilient. I don’t know how different I would be as a person if I had never left my home country, leaving my family and friends behind it. Or if I had never suffered from anxiety. But I don’t regret it. It made me stronger and who I am today.

Regarding parenting, it’s getting better and better, and I wouldn’t mind having three or four kids (I guess I don’t know what I’m talking about, right?). If you’re in the beginning and having a hard time — relax, things will improve. I hope what you’ve learned about emotions gave you a new perspective.