I Bet You’re Making at Least One of These

3 Energy Sucking Mistakes About Who You Are

Mistakes Are Optional … Stop These 3 Now!

Who am I? That is the age-old question. Philosophers have answered it. Religious leaders have answered it. Scientists have answered it. Even musicians have answered it. But have you answered it?

Energy Sucking Mistake #1 … Not Knowing Who You Are

If you don’t know who you are, even if you know who you want to become, and where you want to go, how will you get there?

If you are looking at a map to get directions to where you want to go, you not only need to identify your destination but also your point of origin. Even GPS has to be able to identify where you are at in order to give you directions to where you want to go.

Knowing who we are as opposed to what our lives look like are two totally different things. There is a common assumption that they are the same, consequently we are vulnerable to using the following descriptions to identify who we are.

• I am the son/daughter of ________________. Linage is nice, but it does not define you.
• I am ________________. Cultural heritage is nice, but it does not define you.
• I am __________________. Employment is nice, but it does not define you.
• I am the husband/wife of____________. I am the mother/father of _______________. Family relationships are wonderful, but they do not define you.

These things are certainly significant parts of your life but they do not define who you are.

What To Do Instead

Learn More About Who You Are

• You are your character.
• You are your heart.
• You are your values.
• You are your hopes, your aspirations and your dreams.
• You are your passions.
• You are your commitments.

In essence, the answer to the question “Who am I?” is that you are everything that is within you. Those characteristics may not be visible, but the way in which they manifest themselves in your life is very visible. So, in the very depth of your soul, what matters the most to you? How is that manifesting itself in your life? Are you living with integrity?

As you analyze who you are, and where you are, one of the most challenging and heart-breaking realizations may be that you’re not living with integrity. You may not be manifesting in your life’s choices the beliefs and values you hold dear.

Energy Sucking Mistake #2 … Not Knowing Where You Are Going & Who You Want to Become

While that assessment may disappointing, it is not fatal. Aligning your choices with your values and beliefs is the first step on the road towards going where you want to go and becoming who you want to become.

Think of Alice in Alice in Wonderland. She is at a fork in the road and doesn’t know which path to take so she asks the Cheshire Cat. He asks where she is going. She doesn’t know. He responds:

If you don’t know where you are going it doesn’t matter which path you take.

It is only when you know where you are and where you are going, that you can plot a good course to get you there.

When you don’t have clarity about where you want to go and who you want to become the natural default is to live on auto-pilot. You go through the motions of life but you aren’t really living life.

Life becomes boring and unsatisfying.

You may feel as though you are on a hamster wheel and there is no way to get off.

You are frustrated feeling “Is this as good as it gets?”

You feel like a ping pong ball bouncing from one shinny object to another looking for something that will truly engage you, but it is no where to be found.

What To Do Instead

The best way to know where you want to go and who you want to become is with the diligent application of The 7 Pillars of a Happy & Successful Life. Download your copy here.

As you identify what success looks like to you in each of the crucial areas of life … personal, physical, emotional, spiritual, professional, financial and relationships you will achieve clarity about where you want to go and who you want to become.

This kind of introspection is not always easy. It may be painful, but it is necessary if you want to become who you know you could be.

With that clarity you can create a roadmap that step by step will take you to your desired destination.

Energy Sucking Mistake #3 … Not Knowing Why it Matters

If you want to live a life filled with purpose and passion then it is essential for you to know who you are now, where you are going, who you are becoming and why it matters. This is where everything starts.

Powerful WHYS propel change. Change is difficult.

Have you ever lost weight only to regain it?

Have you been fired up about how a new habit will change your life … and within a couple of weeks you have fallen back to an old pattern?

Have you set out to learn a new skill, perhaps tennis, and been really happy with your progress? Then the weather changed and you couldn’t play for several months. Spring came and you were excited to get back out on the court, only to find your previous proficiency had vanished with disuse.

Change is difficult. Your why has to be powerful enough to facilitate change and then sustain that change long term. Sustaining it is often the greater challenge than facilitating it originally.

What To Do Instead

Let me share a story with you. A few years ago I had 2 sisters as clients. They both wanted to learn to speak Spanish.

I will call the first sister the traveling sister. She loved to spend time in Mexico and preferred to be outside of the traditional tourist areas. She wanted to speak Spanish to facilitate these adventures.

I will call her sister the family sister. Her son had recently become engaged to a young woman who only spoke Spanish. Family meant everything to this sister. She was passionate about family connections. She wanted to learn Spanish to communicate with her prospective daughter-in-law and make sure she felt welcomed into the family.

Fast forward several months. Both sisters spoke Spanish.

The traveling sister described her Spanish is comparable to a JHS student who had taken 1 year of Spanish. She had some ability to communicate but it was limited.

The family sister was not fully fluent but was ok carrying on simple conversations.

Both sisters attended the same Spanish class. Both sisters were diligent about their homework assignments.

Why were their outcomes so different? It was the power of their individual whys. The traveling sister thought it would be nice to learn Spanish for her travels but this was not a compelling enough why to propel total commitment.

The family sister was all about family. That was one of her core values. Her why was tied directly to that core value. Her why was so compelling that she was fully committed and her choices demonstrated the depth of that commitment. She had conversations with her son in Spanish. She read children’s books in Spanish. She watched TV programs in Spanish. Her why was so powerful that nothing was going to stop her.

During a recent conversation she shared with me how her Spanish has continued to improve and her daughter-in-law is becoming increasingly comfortable in English. She laughed about their shared language “Spanglish”.

Her why was never really about learning Spanish. It was always about building a relationship with her prospective daughter-in-law. Spanish was simply a vehicle. She never lost track of her why — the relationship.

A powerful why will always be aligned with your core values and your unique definition of success.

When more of your choices, even small and seemingly insignificant choices, align with your values, you will feel yourself living with integrity. You will like who you are. You will become excited about your ability to become the “you” that you want to be. It is that joy and that confidence that create momentum and put those energy sucking mistakes in the rear view mirror.

Bonus Tip

As mentioned above one of the biggest challenges is having a why powerful enough to sustain changes over long periods of time. Learn more about the Power of Why and how to use it to propel change here.