Life Lessons/Self Improvement/Mental Health/Relationships/Self Care

3 Easy Steps to Living An Amazing Life After Divorce

Reclaiming power over your life.

You did not plan for this. You may not even want this. But here you are, after a divorce or breakup, and you find yourself on your own. Regardless of what brought you to this point in your life, there is grieving, pain, anger all waiting on you to fail.

However, your story doesn’t end there. A new and even more thrilling chapter is just ahead. Learn the three critical steps: Letting go, Creating your sanctuary, and Practice self-love, and you will go from despair to healing. Quickly you will discover what an amazing life lays before you.

You are at a new beginning where you have the opportunity to rediscover who you were before the relationship, and you may even decide to reinvent yourself for this next journey.

The first part of your story has been told, but you are the sole author here, and you get to make this next chapter as exciting as you want it to be. As you begin each day, you will discover the power to thrive and embrace a new kind of happiness that comes from prioritizing and loving yourself like you may have never done before.

You may be asking, how do I know all this? Well, the truth is, I have been in your shoes. I never imagined my marriage of almost twenty-five years would end in divorce. It was something I fought tooth and nail over, and when it all finally happened, I found myself in a dark place, wondering will I ever be whole again.

It took time and effort, but I did it, and you can too.

Step 1: Time to let go.

Life after divorce/breakup begins with trepidation. Suddenly, one night when the kids are out with their friends or with their other parent, you find yourself alone. The hours after dinner stretch endlessly before you finally decide to call it a night and head to bed. Only to find yourself tossing and turning now that you have the whole bed to yourself and no one stealing your covers.

Life is different now, and it does not matter if you are happy about the divorce or not. Life does not give us do-overs, and our only recourse is to move forward through the pain and hurt, which begins with letting go.

I know It sounds easier than it is, but it is possible.

It starts with the mind. You must let go of all the plans you had together. Let go of the dream vacation you were saving for, the new house you were planning. And while you are at it, let go of what your ex thought of you, the good, the bad, the ugly. Their opinion does not matter now — only yours.

Now for the heart. This can be the hardest yet the most freeing part of moving forward. Let go of the hurt, the broken promises, the lies, and trust that nothing lasts forever, including a broken heart. You are not defined by what happens to you, only by how you respond to it.

Physically let go. When you approach this from a sense of starting over instead of ending, you will find a sense of peace followed by excitement. Get rid of anything you have that reminds you of the other person. If it something of value, sell it! If not, donate it or throw it out.

You do not owe them any space in your heart, your life, or your house.

Step 2: Create your sanctuary.

Someone once said, your home is your castle. Now that you have removed all the negative energy, it is time to make your house your sanctuary. If you are the one who relocated, don’t stare at the bare walls and think about what you left behind. Let’s get decorating. And this is for you too, men.

Start with your bedroom. Paint the walls, if possible. Choose a color that makes you smile, and then buy a new bedspread. Pick out a pattern or color you love. Remember, no one else has to like it but you.

Now tackle the living room. A quick trip to Home Goods or a second-hand thrift store can lead to all sorts of discoveries. Perhaps you always liked the color turquoise. Combine it with a beach motif, and it will brighten any mood.

Maybe you are drawn to the farmhouse look. Any good craft store has everything from knick-knacks to storage items to complete the look. If money is tight, paint can do wonders to used furniture, and sometimes simply rearranging can help give a new perspective and maybe even some feng shui.

The philosophy of feng shui is a practice of arranging the pieces in living spaces to create balance with the natural world. The goal is to harness energy forces and establish harmony between an individual and their environment.

Throw pillows, pictures, and curtains/blinds are another easy way to switch up a room’s appearance. The options are endless, and the budget can be as little or as much as you have to spend.

The important part is making it reflective of you and being a space that brings you peace. You want your house to be your home, your castle.

Step 3: Practice Self Love.

Since you were a child, life has taken you on a journey with more twists and turns than the best-written suspense novel. But one constant has always remained with you, yourself. You are never truly alone, and it is time to reward this stalwart companion.

Remember the time before you were romantically involved with someone. What did you like to do? Who did you want to be? Can you recall those long-ago parts of you? If your prior self could see you now, would they be happy for you?

I was not happy about things because of the divorce, but I have two amazing kids and have had some fantastic experiences along the way. It went beyond that. I had dreams back then. Goals for myself often consciously or subconsciously got pushed to the side, and it happened often. I gave up ever going after them.

But fate has a way of finding you when you least expect it. Early in the healing process after the breakup, I came across some of my old writings.

After reading through them, I felt an awakening from somewhere deep inside, as though I had stirred a sleeping giant, and it was eager to see what she had been missing all these years.

Writing took ahold of me in a way it never had and gave my heart something it sorely needed to feel: valued and heard.

I am not saying your self-love will be in the form of writing. It may be. It also may be going back to school or joining a kayaking club (I also did this along with a book club and a writing group.) Whatever your passion is, now is the time to see where it can take you. Maybe you love to dance, and your ex never liked to.

There are groups and clubs for every interest you can imagine. You have to love yourself enough to put yourself out there.

If all this seems daunting, baby steps are always right in front of you.

• Get some friends together to see a concert or play.
• Plan a weekend getaway.
• Schedule a spa day to relax and get pampered.
• Get friends together for an evening of wine and conversation or a poker night.

Life does not stop, and you shouldn’t either. Make some plans and see them through. No canceling!

Embrace your life right now where you are today.

Your life is never going to be what it once was, and that is ok. If it is, then it is dead anyway. Where your life goes from here is up to you and no one else. When sharing tips on how to have a happier life, Anthony J. Yeung said it best,

Until you take full ownership of your life and situation, you will never be satisfied. Complaining about the obstacles, people, or circumstances holding you back only strengthens them while making you a victim.

You are entitled to an extraordinary life, but it does not come from Amazon, Tinder, or money. It takes being true to yourself and respecting who you are. You only have one chance to live your life; now make it amazing.