3 Critical Ways We Emotionally Self- Sabotage Ourselves And Kill Our Dreams

And how to overcome them

Self-sabotage is the silent robber that carts your dreams away if you let it.

According to clinical psychologist, Ellen Hendriksen “self-sabotage is any action that impedes achieving your goals.” The actions can be passive or active.

The behaviors we adopt to self-sabotage our way out of our dreams or productivity is “really our subconscious trying to protect us from disappointment. Our subconscious would rather keep us from dealing with our deep-seated fear of failure by having us skip out of even trying.”

So basically, our subconscious can be a bit of a shithead, but you don’t have to fall for its whims. There are many tools out there to help overcome this insidious thing.

But developing sustainable tools to help overcome this behavior, entails first acknowledging there is a problem.

This is probably the hardest thing to do because admitting we have a problem means taking a deeper look at ourselves. And to be fair, most people don't want to do that.

So in the spirit of collective acknowledgment of our ability to self-sabotage, here are the 3 critical ways we self — sabotage and kill our dreams;

Not trying at all

“I want to do it, but it’s too hard.” Or “I don’t think I can do it,”

Most of us have probably uttered these words to ourselves. If you look closely and reflect honestly, you’ll see that it stems from a lack of confidence in ourselves and our abilities.

This is when the if this, then that principle becomes part of our daily vocabulary as we rationalize why we can’t do the thing.

Some examples, ‘if I had a vlogging camera, I would start a YouTube channel, OR ‘if only I had time, I would finish writing my book’ etc

I have done this. I have rationalized not taking a step because of imperfect conditions; lack of equipment, lack of funds, lack of time, lack of skill, etc

But the thing is, you don’t have to use the ‘if this, then that’ philosophy when you encounter hard things. For one, it's the easy way out.

Besides, this philosophy has and will crush many dreams from inception to execution, if you let it. Most painful of all, ‘if’ rarely comes along.

How to overcome

What you can do is find the opportunity in the ‘if’ scenario. Ask yourself what you can do to make the shift from if to let’s try.

For instance, instead of saying ‘If I had the skills, I would apply for that promotion’ make the decision that you will develop the skills to become a worthwhile candidate and get that promotion.

Break it down into manageable and digestible elements.

This takes the limitations and turns them into a solvable puzzle that relies on our sole effort. It also shows us we already have the resources to make changes, we just have to take the steps.

So ask yourself what steps you can take today to improve yourself. What you can do today that would ultimately make the lack of funds or lack of skills seem less like a handicap and more of an opportunity?

Procrastination

The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived- Ronne Brown

Quick story.

While in college I had (and still have) a massive aversion to numerical classes like Accounting, Finance, and Statistics. To avoid them, I did the sensible thing and opted for a degree that didn't need them.

However, somewhere down the line, I switched majors. The switch made the impossible a reality. I now had to take all three classes as they were required. In classic self-sabotage mode, I dropped them. And again and again. Because I had convinced myself that I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out.

This went for about three semesters, and each time I told myself it would be different, and I would stick to it. That kept on happening until I was sick of my bullshit.

How to overcome

Do the damn work and know that you are smart enough to figure out even the hard things.

Thinking too much about how daunting things can be will only cripple your efforts. So do yourself a favor, try not to think too much about it, just get to work and learn as you go along.

Funny, it only took me three semesters to realize this.

As hard as these classes were, I employed the resources to mitigate my weaknesses. I used YouTube, went on Khan Academy, practiced and practiced. At some point, I even dreamt of numbers.

Let me tell you it was hell, but thankfully, I passed.

Even though it was hard, I was hella proud of myself for putting in the work.

Look, it's really simple. Either you avoid doing the things that could put you ahead of the curve and feel bad about it, or you could just get to work and figure things out as you go along.

Shiny object syndrome

You know the vibes.

You see something new, something noteworthy that catches your attention. You pay less attention to the important task you were doing and run towards the new shiny object and dive in headfirst. It's exhilarating.

Let's consider a basic example for illustration.

Let's say you are a writer. Your goal is to write a book. You have the ideas and characters fleshed out with a word count goal of about 10,000.

You are geared up and ready to go. You sit and start typing. But then another story idea pops into your head, so you abandon what you are working on in favor of this new exciting topic.

You type the new story you have but abandon it, yet again in favor of the new exciting story idea that you are convinced you will finish this time.

Alas, you don't. Now all you are left with is three barely there stories, anxiety, and frustration at yourself.

How to overcome

Figure out your intrinsic value and move accordingly.

Figuring out your intrinsic value will help dictate how you move and why the tasks you are about to undertake will get you one step closer to your intended goal.

It keeps your blinders on and keeps away the excessive external noise that happens.

When you figure the why behind your tasks, your how propels you to develop useful systems to aid in task completion.

For instance, does working with your ultradian rhythm work for you? Or does the 90–120 minute hack work for you? Either way, understanding how you operate will be your best bet in completing tasks.

When you figure out the how and the why your character and self-discipline are developed along the way.

Conclusion

Self-sabotage is a real thing.

It’s an insidious voice telling us our ‘supposed shortcomings’ are these enormous things that stop us from achieving our dreams. It follows us from the classroom to our professional life, even seeping into our personal and romantic relationships.

It keeps us in doubt mode and skews our vision of the possibilities available to us.

We have all encountered moments where we self-sabotage ourselves out of a good thing. If we are honest with ourselves, a tinge of regret lingers in the recesses of our minds when we remember the opportunities we didn’t take.

However, the great thing about this is that with acknowledgment comes the opportunity to do something about it. But only if you are being honest to yourself.

Some critical ways we passively and actively self-sabotage our dreams are;

• Not trying at all
• Procrastination
• The allure of shiny object aka shiny object syndrome

Hard things are daunting. But here is the thing, most things- safe for breathing, are hard.

If you never did hard things, innovation would never happen, changes would be stagnant, an improvement would be obsolete.

The bottom line is, doing hard things leads to success.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take- Wayne Gretzky