4 Beginner Tips For Overcoming Fear I Wish I Knew Earlier
How to become more confident and get what you want in life
Few movies deal with the topic of fear in such a thrilling and inspiring way as Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy.
Those three motion pictures are not only well-written in their dramaturgy but also thematize relevant modern societal topics.
One of them is human fear.
It’s Bruce Wayne’s / Batman’s Achilles tendon and strength at the same time. Since his childhood, he has been scared of Bats because he fell through a fountain at the house of his parents. Down there, they attacked him.
Later on, he fears his inability to fight crime and injustice in Gotham City, because his parents had been killed by a burglar.
His mentor Ra’s Al Ghul teaches him to confront his fear and become more than just a man in the eye of his opponent. That’s the birth hour of Batman.
To conquer fear, you must become fear — Ra’s Al Ghul
This is how the quote can be interpreted
In real life, we need to face our fears. As long as we don’t do that, we’re not free. We’re not in a position to see ourselves as heroes.
Bruce Wayne developed an alter ego designed to be a frightening symbol against criminals and cartels. By becoming one with what he fears, Bats, he deals with his fear. His enemy shares his fear and that’s what empowers him.
In Batman Begins, you see how he technically uses bats against his opponents and gets very close to them. It might sound a little corny if you have never seen the movies.
Fear Is Everywhere.
It can limit your life if you let it. Or you can choose to set your limits in life and overcome it.
Everybody’s afraid of different things. One fears spiders, the other one traveling by plane.
There are millions of different things you could be afraid of: whether it’s social anxiety, surviving anxiety, fear of missing out on something (FOMO), fear of death in extreme situations, etc…
An example of social anxiety as a man could be talking to an attractive woman. The possible scenario that you’re afraid of is to be rejected by her.
Your fear center — the amygdala — in your brain gives you the imagination and you start sweating, shaking, your pulse gets higher, because you’re about to do it.
As well as talking to a person you feel attracted to in public could speaking in front of an audience be a situation that might not sound comfortable. The possible voices laughing or shouting at you for a mistake in your speech leads you to not even think about such an activity.
Another example of surviving anxiety could be that you don’t earn enough money to provide for yourself or your family. Or that you can’t pay your rent on time and the landlord will make you homeless.
In real life, we need to face our fears
It’s the only way to deal with it. Unless you give your brain reference experiences that prove the outcome is not as bad as you thought, you’ll continue to live in fear.
Where Fear Comes From
It’s a stone-cold fact that our brains haven’t evolved over the past thousand years since the stone age.
When our ancestors saw a saber-tooth tiger, their bodies had to quickly set free energy to either escape or conquer the animal — Adrenaline. Trouble could lurk everywhere and behind every corner.
The amygdala hasn’t changed.
If it wasn’t for fear, human beings would maybe not exist today. We would have been extinct a long time ago, because everybody would have crossed a dangerous animal and think this is not dangerous.
How To Deal With Fear Issues
Acceptance
Accept that fear will always be part of your life.
There is no way to “turn off” your fear of certain situations. It’s impossible.
Everybody feels fear. Even the most confident men you see talking to attractive women like it was nothing are mostly afraid before. They simply know how to deal with their fear.
Whenever I approach a girl that is attractive to me, even though I did that hundreds of times before, I am still a little nervous and fearful.
I can’t remember a job interview where I didn’t feel a little excited, even though I had been dressed shapely and excellently prepared.
Not one single situation comes to my mind when I think of the times that I spoke in front of people, where I had not been afraid of before.
Muhammad Ali, the 20th century’s biggest boxing legend, always mentioned in interviews how scared he was every time before a fight. But he knew he’d do it anyway and the only way to live an extraordinary life and to reach his goals was competing. Going into the ring and doing it anyway. With a winning mindset.
The most successful and achieving people on this earth are facing situations where they are afraid — regularly. The only difference between them and the rest is that they act despite fear. They learned how to accept and deal with being afraid. Acceptance is key.
Get Over Your Perfectionism
Most people are so pessimistic and perfectionist about their life that they never really move one foot in front of the other.
It has to be the perfect weather condition, the perfect day, the perfect partners, etc. to start… and then they never get started.
But no monument was ever built for anyone who dabbled and couldn’t conquer their fear.
Comfort Zone Challenges
People who are confident and get what they want are committing themselves to discomfort.
What I did about three years ago to start my journey of a more adventurous life was meeting up with people who had the same vision for themselves and we would do crazy things in public.
My first challenge was lying down on my back on a crowded shopping street in Vienna. It sounds like an easy thing to do because in a big city no one really recognizes you doing this, but I still remember that I was unbelievably afraid to do it.
Next on my list was talking to a stranger, asking how their day was, and making them a compliment.
This went on to things like starting a conversation with a beautiful girl on the street and asking her for a date, going on a platform and sing, taking a cold shower, asking the McDonald’s cashier if they had a Happy Meal with “extra much happiness”, walking along a crowded street while having your arms over your head for 1 min, and so on.
Some of the many challenges I made had afforded lots of willpower and some almost none. Every one of them has brought me fun and situations to laugh about when I think back.
My point is: by doing these challenges I became rid of so many fears I’ve had in my daily life before I started expanding my comfort zone.
All of a sudden, I had zero problems with asking my boss for a higher salary.
All of a sudden, I was able to confidently talk to a girl in any situation.
Suddenly, I wasn’t afraid anymore to tell someone my opinion, because even if they reacted offended, I knew there was nothing to fear about this. People’s reaction to your feedback is never your responsibility. It’s theirs.
Still, I am afraid before doing it, but way less than back when I was not pushing myself over my comfort zone.
What’s The Worst Thing That Can Happen?
A technique that I’ve personally used for years now is to ask myself what’s the worst thing that could happen?