Read This If Dating Apps Are Making You Feel Hopeless
“Dating apps feel like I have an influx of choices at a landfill.”
I read a YouTube comment that said,
“Dating apps feel like I have an influx of choices at a landfill.”
A close friend of mine came to visit a few weekends ago and shared her online dating experience with me.
She feels that the majority of men that she’s met online are people she isn’t interested in, and the ones that she does end up going on a date with end poorly because he’s either not invested, not on her intellectual level, or can’t afford to pay for dinner.
“I feel hopeless. I’m in such a great spot for a relationship right now; I have all my ducks in a row. But I’m just missing that love aspect. Online dating is really making me feel like I’ll never have love.”
With that being said, here are a few things to consider when online dating.
You have to sift through to find the right one, and you can’t be discouraged by that.
Relationship coach Susan Winter says,
“Very few individuals find their mate right away. Those cases are the exception and not the rule. Most of us need to use the rigors of dating in order to refine our ‘must-haves’ and recognize our best match in a partner.”
Though dating is a matter of trial and error, the one being educated is us. Each time we meet a new person and interact with a romantic prospect, we’re getting closer to clarifying our ultimate ‘love model.’ That clarity quickens the process of attracting and recognizing our best match.”
Consider this, if someone has been on the app for an extended period of time, they most likely have matches with many people, which means they have a lot of options.
Alternatively, someone might have gone on multiple dates, and by the time the two of you meet, they might be feeling exhausted with dating.
If you end up on a date like this, and you feel like the other individual isn’t as invested as you are, don’t let yourself be discouraged. I’m a firm believer in the fact that what’s meant to be will be as long as you put forth your best effort.
So if it doesn’t work out with Johnny98387, don’t let that discourage you from putting yourself out there and meeting your perfect match. Meeting the right person takes time. When it comes to dating apps, you’re essentially throwing yourself into a pool of random individuals.
Some might be thirsty; some might be starving. Some might be ready for something serious, and some might not be. You have to sift through them to find that one hidden gem.
A lot of people just want someone casual.
If you want something serious and you’re joining a dating app, it might be a bit harder — but not impossible.
Take a look at the following two comments regarding Tinder:
“Culturally, Tinder is known as a hookup app, and it’s really just that, DO NOT EXPECT TO FIND LOVE.” — App Store user
“I met my current girlfriend on tinder, we just moved in together, and I look forward to asking her to marry me in a year or two.” — Reddit user
Dating expert, Eric Resnick, says that one of the main reasons why it’s challenging to meet someone who does want a serious relationship on a dating app is because most users are looking for something casual.
“A lot of dating apps have people with mixed intent; this is why it’s essential to be clear about what you want from the start. Let people know where you stand, or you will end up being approached by a lot of people who are just looking for a fling. You will also run the risk of being passed over because people might assume you aren’t looking for something serious if you don’t tell them.”
When you like someone, and you invest your time and energy into communicating with them, you can gauge the level of their seriousness by asking questions and truly getting to know them.
Some guys will flat out tell you they have no interest in being in a committed relationship; some might say they’re not in the right place for a serious relationship, but they want one in the future, etc. At that point, the ball is in your court, and you can decide whether or not you want to wait around for them to get ready and move on.
You have to be prepared to give a certain amount of energy without expecting it in return.
You have to be brave enough to make the first move without expecting things in return sometimes. That’s a lesson not just for dating but for life in general.
Circling back to my friend, who was struggling with the lack of investment from her dates, one thing I noticed she would keep doing is if her date had a lack of energy, she would match her energy with theirs.
Instead of trying to turn the situation around, sparking up a conversation, and making things a little bit more fun, she simply gave up the moment she felt they weren’t portraying the energy she wanted.
And here’s what’s wrong with that, for starters, you’re not portraying who you really are; you’re simply matching their negative energy without really knowing or understanding the context, and secondly, you’re assuming you mean more to this person than you really do.
I didn’t meet my boyfriend on a dating app, I met him on Instagram, and I was giving him 100% energy while he was maybe giving me a solid 25%.
Had I matched his, we would not be living together and in a happy and healthy relationship for nearly four years now.
A relationship therapist once said, “some people are so guarded that they expect a relationship to fall on their lap without opening up even the tiniest bit.”
At the end of the day, you won’t know how much they’re willing to give until you give a little bit and see if that creates a level of momentum.