I’m Not Afraid of Making Difficult Choices Anymore
Here’s a newsflash: You don’t own me
To them who were once part of my life:
What is with you?
Why do each of you have the tendency to repeat what the one before you did?
Even though I know for a fact that all of you are made of flesh and blood, I still think your behavior is uncannily similar to that of robots with the exact same programming.
I mean how do you all manage to say more or less the same things almost word for effing word?
“ My parents will absolutely love you.”
“ I love you because you are intelligent, supportive and have nice looks.”
“You are mine.”
Really?
Let’s make one thing clear once and for all: NOBODY owns this girl.
You do everything you can to pursue that which is the object of your adoration and when she finally relents, you assume the mission is accomplished.
Now that she is yours, you assume she is going to remain yours forever on account of her fiercely loyal nature.
You assume she is going to patiently wait whilst you single mindedly chase after your goals and dreams.
You assume she is always going to be accommodating while you are trying to conquer the world.
Buddy, you assume too much.
This girl will not be taken for granted ever again. Period.
“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply” — D.J.
I am an emotional empath. I have always known of my ability to pick up other people’s emotions but never knew the name for it until I was much older. Being bombarded by other’s feelings used to make me overwhelmed and constantly drained.
According to an article by psychiatrist and empath Dr. Judith Orloff, this is because the mirror neuron system of an empath (the part of the brain responsible for compassion) is hyperactive. She further elaborates “…a big challenge for all sensitive people is how to be compassionate without absorbing the stress of others and the world. We don’t have the same filters as most people. We are emotional sponges who feel everything and instinctively take it in.”
As an empath, I would say my biggest struggle has been with setting clear cut emotional boundaries in relationships.
For the longest time, I would set aside my emotional needs in favor of my partner’s because they were excellent at convincing me that their needs/goals/dreams took precedence over mine. And I would relent because I didn’t want to hold them back when they made it sound like the world would be at stake if I did or something along those ludicrous lines.
BS
It always left me with feelings of frustration, powerlessness and gradually, hopelessness.
Sigh…
I thought a relationship was made up of two people, not one self centered person and the other permanently stuck in a supportive role.
I tell you, sometimes people who you are closest to can also be the most insensitive because it so happens that it is in their best interests to be that way…
To add salt to the open wound, I also had this tendency to unconsciously absorb my partner’s emotions which not only made me extremely stressed but oftentimes left me with a sense of guilt as if it was somehow my fault.
Suffice to say, the emotional consequences of not having firm boundaries in place were not pretty.
“Personal space is something that isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity like air or water” — Sabrina Choquette-Tully
At this point in my life, I am an unattached empath by choice and loving it!
Didn’t think I was capable of that, did you?
For those of you who don't know, us empaths crave space — both emotional and physical in order to recover and restore our emotional equilibrium. This excerpt from an article published in mind body green explains why “ This is how empaths retreat and recover, or give their hyper-perceptive systems a break from overstimulation and absorbing the energies and emotions of others.”
I not only value this newfound space but also jealously guard my alone time as I have finally gotten down to the serious business of self care and self love — minus that awful feeling of being judged.
In other words, I’m taking back control and doing what is best for me, mentally and emotionally.
Contrary to what you think, a relationship works both ways. It is about mutual love, appreciation, respect and support.
It is about reciprocation.
Look it up, you might actually be surprised that such a word even exists.
As for me, I am just glad to be the one that got away.