264 hours of silence & 100 hours of meditation

In motorsports, a pit stop is where a car stops for refueling and repair. Life has widely been considered a race and we as vehicles need pit stops too.

Last year, Vipassana, a 10-day silent meditation retreat was my pit stop. I was going through a phase where I was emotionally drained because of how overwhelming life had become and also because of my complicated perception of life.

A close friend told me about the retreat but I never thought I would go- because life was seamless.

But then, the water became murky, and I had to clear it.

It was difficult to convince my parents as they feared monasticism was my intention. They gave in eventually when I promised I wouldn’t be renouncing worldly pursuits to devote myself to spiritual work.

Armed with my parents’ permission and an approved vacation from my boss, I headed to Dhamma Phaphulla Meditation Center situated on the outskirts of the City of Bangalore for my first ever meditation retreat.

Before I get to my experience of the retreat, a short intro into Vipassana:

seeing things the way they are.

It is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation and it was practiced by Gauthama, the Buddha, for treading the path to enlightenment. Fortunately, it is non- sectarian and scientific; making it ideal for HUMAN BEINGS.

I was skeptical when I reached the center, and I began to question my decision for joining the course. I eventually mustered the courage and decided to complete the registration and get on with the course.

Mobile phones, wallets, writing paraphernalia, and all kinds of gadgets were taken from the students before the course commenced to ensure the frame of mind constantly needed for the retreat wasn’t hampered. A gentleman provided a briefing about the course and a glimpse into how my life was going to be for the next 11 days.

He mentioned it would be a serious mind surgery, and it was important for all the students to have the willpower to stay till the last day; for the course to be successful.

I was confident the course wouldn’t penetrate me the way he had briefed; I later realized I was fashionably wrong.

The Gong was struck, and it marked the beginning of the course in NOBLE SILENCE.

My days began at 4 in the morning and ended at 9:30 in the evening. Except for a period of 4.5 hours of rest spread over the day, I was meditating otherwise. It was a struggle to tame my mind and focus on my breath to develop the faculty of concentration.

I was beginning to get frustrated and foresaw this affecting my practice. On the third day, I realized I have been practicing “being distracted” for a significant portion of my life, and it would be difficult to tame my mind in a couple of days.

So, every time my mind wandered, I began to politely bring it back to stay rooted in my breath. Slowly, I started seeing the changes. The interval between my mind wandering away and getting it back to focus was reducing with every attempt.

On the 4th day, after 3 days of Anapana (Mindfulness of the breath) practice, the wonderful technique of Vipassana was taught. I was expecting a complicated technique, but I was surprised to find that it was extremely simple.

This shows how we are all hard-wired to believe only a complicated solution can solve our problems.

My pursuit of practicing Vipassana continued over the days (there was no other choice but to practice!) and the technique had started excavating my mind. Every time I opened my eyes after a session, I could feel that my face was moist with tears.

During the practice, I was pointed by my mind why certain things happened a particular way in the past, and the times I had hurt another soul unknowingly. It was exhilarating to see the events that happened in the past from a radically different vantage point and gain some perspective.

This process of realization kept continuing, and on the 7th day, I just couldn’t take it anymore. A lot of suppressed emotions surfaced, and I just couldn’t contain it anymore. I decided to talk to a volunteer to discuss my premature release from the course. The conversation I had with the volunteer turned out to be one of the biggest eye-openers I experienced during the course.

While I was explaining my situation to him, without realizing, I started tearing up. That’s when it struck me:

my ego was melting and my soul was getting purified.

I decided to stay and complete the course. For the next three days, I dealt with the monsters I had chained in the deepest chambers of my mind and made peace with some of them. The heaviness of my ego was replaced by the lightness of equanimity and positiveness.

On the 11th day, after the final meditation session, I went out into the open and just stared at the surroundings feeling completely blissful. I remember laughing for every conversation I shared with my co-meditators, and just being excited without any reason.

Simply put, I was stoned naturally!

My retreat was officially over, and it was up to me to practice the technique regularly and reap the benefits of the technique. The technique was so strong I was feeling sad for leaving a place I once thought of running away from.

I headed home with a slight sense of accomplishment and vowed to spread the technique to as many people I could- precisely why I decided to write about it.

I try to practice it whenever I can, and I constantly remind myself one of the fundamental pillars of vipassana: Anicca(impermanence) whenever I am faced with difficulties in life.

I continue to face problems in life and end up in situations that are difficult to handle, but I have started responding rather than reacting.

BHAVATU SABBA MANGALAM!

Disclaimer: Everybody’s experience of Vipassana is different. I do not want my experiences to cloud anyone’s perception of it. If you are planning to go for a course, go with a clean slate!

Thank you for reading!