25 Lessons From an Unhealthy Relationship
The journey to who we are is full of signs.
By Beth Derrick
On the afternoon of September 20, 2016, I received a death threat from a bloke that responded to a Craigslist ad I had posted about renting a room. Just 9 days before, I had brought about the ending of a tumultuous relationship, and she was moving to the other side of the country.
September has always been a month of endings and new beginnings for me. Relationships and moves have been the most prominent theme in years past. Every day there were signs to turn around, go the other way, stop, go back, go around, yield, proceed through the roundabout.
Major lessons I learned from a severely unhealthy relationship:
- Only you are in charge of your life. No one else.
- Love yourself first and put yourself first.
- Follow your intuition and do not question it.
- Do what you know is right.
- Live your life to your happiness.
- Make the sh**ty moments enjoyable.
- Keep money saved for yourself, for emergencies and rainy days. You never know when you’ll need it.
- If it doesn’t feel right, turn around.
- Be open to new possibilities, for new experiences.
- Treat yourself well, treat yourself often.
- We are not here to fix others. We are here to enjoy and love others as they are, and grow with them.
- Moving house is a costly endeavor, so make it worth your while!
- On that note, hire movers.
- Yoga pants are not pants.
- Build up all areas of your life that are important.
- Living with someone is a big commitment. Plan accordingly for all scenarios.
- Write. Write it all down.
- Maintain your dignity and manners at all times.
- Take responsibility for yourself, your decisions, your actions.
- Appreciate the small things, for they are the big things.
- This too shall pass.
- Synchronicities are big signs, pay attention! (The house number this creeper incident happened at is 920, the incident happened on 9/20. The timeline from the time we met to the resolved deposit return from the lease ending was exactly 1 year, down to the hour.)
- Life happens in patterns. You can choose to repeat those patterns, or to break them and move on to the next lessons.
- Pay attention to what your stressors are, and make changes to resolve and remove them.
- Find appreciation, gratitude, silver lining, and happiness.
- I always find the good in every situation, I ask what things are here to teach me, what I am to learn from every person and experience. I approach life with an attitude of appreciation and giving others the benefit of the doubt, with an air of abundance. Continual practicing of shifting my mindset from lack to abundance is the theme of life, and I like to celebrate the small things. I like to make every decision from a place of curiosity and awareness of good living, from the items I use in the shower to the undergarments I put on my body, to the food I eat for lunch, to the words I choose to say to myself, and to others. Had I not experienced the unhealthy and challenging relationship that taught me the above lessons, I would not be who I am today, nor as happy and comfortable in my own self and now lifelong relationship, as I am today. The tumultuity of that relationship was the fertilizer to enabling my growth.
One final thought: curate your life.
Read more from The Good Men Project on Medium:
This story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
About Beth Derrick
Beth is a parent, partner, multipreneur, writer, investor, maker, Lifestyle Coach and calmly enthusiastic lover of people, animals, coffee, plants and all facets of life.