23 Lessons By My 23rd Year Of Life

Summed up by a culmination of life experiences I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing to date.

I feel lucky to have retained valuable lessons that have greatly impacted my outlook on life. In my journey, I have been stubborn and hateful at times. In many moments, I decided to act from feelings of lack in an effort to fill the void in my heart.

Each day I aim to unlearn rotten habits of the past, accumulated from life experiences that didn’t make sense in my youthful mind. I’ve changed my outlook through small habits and by gaining insight into what truly matters.

And at 23, I’ve come to realize how precious life is. I want to know life and love it, and I have created this list as a reflection of how strength and wisdom form in unexpected ways.

1. Anything worth having is the product of hard work.

It wasn’t until mid-college that I met people so driven to meet their lofty goals that inspiration was lit inside of me. I was raised in a family where “just getting by” was good enough, and was instilled with beliefs that this was acceptable thinking.

As I aged I started making goals and actually achieving them. They have set the tone for how I started to approach my greatest goals. I learned that if I’m willing to really work towards something with consistency, that although not guaranteed, there is a far greater chance of reaching my heart’s desire. I learned that giving up was that of the past.

2. What you see in others is a reflection of you.

This has proven true to me over the years. In spewing negative judgments about someone, I often realized those unwanted traits existed to a degree in myself. And I didn’t like that.

The revelation was brought to my attention by my group of girlfriends through our self-reflective and honest conversations. The deeper I thought about the way I viewed others, the more I saw those things in myself.

Whether it be something trivial like having unkempt eyebrows or wearing wrinkled clothes, being late or complaining too much, I was guilty of it all. And I was ashamed. Then I realized this also was true in the way I saw some people — as selfish, unforgiving, close-minded, abrasive. And again I saw the same in myself to a degree.

The best part of this realization was that all the good things I saw in others were a reflection of me, too.

3. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

We all hold characteristics and generalizations in our minds on groups of people whether we will admit to it or not. It’s really a sad trait all humans share to some extent.

Our mind has a system of organizing past experiences and lessons to prepare us for what’s to come. Often, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to realize my preconceived ideas about someone were wrong.

Growing up, I had lots of bad experiences with elders, to the point where I came to “dislike” people just because they were old. I based my perception on a handful of crotchety old folks I grew up with. And in time, I came to realize this was unacceptable.

It hasn’t been easy to change old habits. So I practice and I remind myself every day of this generalization in an attempt to bring it to a halt and treat people fairly, even the old ones.

4. Stop being a know-it-all.

I can’t recall the initial moment I became genuinely comfortable with admitting my pure ignorance on a specific topic or idea. It has been so freeing. I let go of my ego and opened myself up to learn so much about lots of different things.

I stopped pretending to know everything and came to the realization that every single person I meet knows something that I don’t know. It’s really as simple as that. It has helped me to learn with an open mind and embrace the fleeting feeling of learning something new, all the time.

By adhering to a “student of life” mentality, I have enabled myself to retain the most valuable things.

5. Take risks in every area of your life.

If we have a dream or two, who says we shouldn’t chase it? Why, because we may fail? Failing may be the most vital part of the journey because it builds character and strength and gives us tougher skin to face the realities of life.

Take risks in education, career choice, love, and even in reading a new book. Start living. Taking risks in life will make your human experience fuller. Live with no regrets. Start now.

6. Go on lots of dates and experience all types of love.

Getting to know a person on a deeper level and uncovering their life experiences is such a beautiful thing. Learning how to cope with disagreements and read body language has not only helped me in romantic endeavors but with people in general.

The best part about dating is growing past the pain and the heartache, and learning how to love yourself again. Choosing love and pinpointing the qualities in a potential partner you value most, especially as you age, is essential. It has helped me become the girlfriend I am today.

7. Enjoy the in-between moments.

I mean things like waiting at a red light, in a doctor’s office, in a line, or on a bus… What do you do with those moments? My old habits involve drowning in social media for a minute or two, in a constant effort to entertain myself, as my generation has been trained to do.

But over the years, I’ve come to use these moments for good.

I might jot down some thoughts in the notes section of my phone. Or silently practice a body scan, while I take the moment to relax. Sometimes I’ll send requests to the Universe, while I mentally recite what I’m grateful for.

I enjoy the moment because those in-between, meaningless times in space may add up to a lifetime of moments that we unconsciously wasted. Enjoy right now for what it is. Time isn’t waiting for you.

8. Spend less time on social media.

If you’re anything like the average person, you probably are exposed to a lot of crap by default of the platform, regardless of the inspiration you seek. Seeing big-busted supermodels pose in front of their mansions certainly doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

So I set timers each day for how long I allow myself for Instagram and Facebook, and I have banned myself from engaging in useless arguments with strangers online. It has helped me escape anxiety provoked by strangers online and people who have way more money than I do.

9. Spend more time in nature.

And walk barefoot, too. Stop once in a while to listen to the birds sing to you and smell the grass under your nose. Admire all the creatures in the forest, and make friends with a chipmunk.

Free yourself from the ideals of perfection and just live as your raw, natural self by being one with nature. Get naked if you want to. Go skinny dipping. Life awaits!

10. Stop taking everything so personally.

Bringing awareness to this has allowed me to soften the blow of my undying habit. It’s easy to take things to heart when someone answers you in a nasty tone or disregards your input in a condescending way.

We must remind ourselves that we don’t know what others are going through. Although this is tough, it is important to hold empathy for others and try to see life from their point of view.

This has helped me in many circumstances to have patience with others, and remain self-confident because I realize their digs aren’t personal.

And even if they are, they come from a place of pain and hurt, and I feel for them. You never know what happens to people behind closed doors.

11. Life experiences will repeat themselves until you learn the lesson they provide you with.

I’m not one to believe in coincidences and truly practice the mantra that everything happens for a reason. Although I am not religious, I am spiritual and believe in divine intervention.

This is inclusive of difficult and sometimes heart-wrenching life experiences that seem to be thrown our way. I believe they are given to us specifically to teach us a lesson we need to learn at that point in time. Perhaps with the intent to build our character.

And for some reason, if we should not take that lesson seriously, it will be presented in our life over and over again, until we get the lesson the divine decides we should know. So I try to listen to the messages I hear and learn from, big or small.

12. Listen to new perspectives and never stop learning.

You don’t need to find interest in everything, but what’s the harm in learning about something new? Being open-minded will open doors you never realized existed, and grant you with life experiences that contribute to your evolving character.

13. Change is good.

It may be scary, yes. The unknown usually is. The best is always yet to come, and with change comes new opportunities, circumstances, and sometimes, surprises. So clear your mind and live life waiting for the next change. Adapt and be happy. Make it work.

After all, the only constant in life is change.

14. Let people know that you love them.

I let everyone know how I feel about them. Love is a strong word, but I feel my emotions strongly. I’m often called “intense” — not as a compliment. Yet I take it as one because I believe I am in tune with my emotions.

I am unafraid to express what I’m feeling and don’t like to stifle my love. The people I care about know that I love them because I tell that all the time. I don’t do this out of habit. I do it because it is of utmost importance to me that those who contribute to my beautiful life always know that their life is worth living.

I needn’t live with any regrets of not sharing my true feelings with loved ones. I plan on staying true to this philosophy throughout my adulthood.

15. You are responsible for your failures and successes.

When I stopped blaming others for my shortcomings, I felt that I had opened a fresh page in the next chapter of my book of life. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’m human.

And when I started owning up to it rather than blaming external circumstances, I became more satisfied with my life choices. I corrected the errors that led me to failure because I recognized it was my fault in the first place. And by accepting self-praise for the many successes I have triumphed over, I have been able to build up my self-esteem and regard myself as worthy.

16. Loving yourself is a lifelong journey.

And baby steps are all you need to hold yourself accountable. Loving yourself can mean a lot of things. To me, it means avoiding unnecessary stress and drama, nourishing my body, working out, and socializing. For you, it may mean something different, and that’s okay.

17. Just because you’re related to them doesn’t mean you owe them something.

I don’t hold a strong bond with my family. As a child, communication was diminished with my mom’s side paired with some unforgivable events. My mom, being so loveable wished to move past it all, though she was not at fault. Yet the relationships remained in ruins.

And I’ve learned a lot about what family means over the years. And I’ve tried to forgive and move past old qualms by asserting new boundaries. But sometimes, the relationships I left behind weren’t ones worth saving. And I have come to accept that in time.

18. Work on your craft every day.

I’ve come to know that success takes consistent effort, drive, motivation, inspiration, and most importantly discipline. My problem is that I have so many passions that don’t really interconnect, and I can’t seem to find time for all of them. So, I spread my time out. For a few days, I’ll write for the majority of the day.

Coming up with ideas is not an issue — it’s getting my thoughts down on paper. And then for a few days, I’ll practice my photography, work on my cookbook, organize a closet, or devote time to my online selling platform. And in time, I meet small milestones I thought I never would, and before long I have become a success in my own right.

19. You attract what you are.

Like attracts like. You give what you get. Karma’s a bitch. Call it whatever you want, I’m a strong believer in what goes around comes around, and that if you want positivity in your life, you should consciously emit it from your vessel.

Happiness is contagious — we know that. But misery also loves company, and it’s easy to spiral into a devastating depression where we decide we hate the world and everyone in it, and we’d rather stay home and watch tv all day. (Yes, I’ve been there.) But that isn’t going to help anyone.

Beating the odds and fighting against the grain is what builds character and true happiness. If everything was easy, would we be happy? My theory is that we likely wouldn’t, because we would lack the pain to compare it to. So if your life is seemingly in shambles, perhaps you could afford a reality check to target the source of your unhappiness and pain.

20. Take college seriously.

I’m grateful that I have always been a good student and in my younger years a teacher’s pet. I always put my studies before parties and graduated cum laude. I never took my career choice seriously and always thought I had plenty of time to decide.

I was poorly guided, and never truly took the time to sit down and explore my options. Now I’m left with a degree I don’t know what to do with and lack a passion for.

21. Think before you speak.

I have this terribly inept habit of reacting rather than responding. When I’m triggered by someone’s words or actions, I come up with the most hurtful digs in an attempt to prove my “rightness” and get the last word. Typically, instant regret would follow.

And over the years I’ve come to realize the value in thinking about the words you say before sending them out into the world, knowing that I can never get them back.

This applies to dialogue with literally anyone. Speaking through highly emotive words not only disengages me from further self-improvement but throws a wrench into my relationships with others.

And by saying things I don’t mean, I act through habits rather than out of intellect. So I practice, and when I succeed (which isn’t always,) it is nothing short of glorious.

22. Appreciate your lover.

Give them lots of affection. Cook them dinner, leave them love notes, and actively listen to them. Look them in the eyes and go on adventures together. Support their passions.

23. Be Yourself.

Because that is the most beautiful thing you could ever do to feed your mind, body, and soul. No one has to approve of you but YOU.

And in the next twenty-three years of my beautiful life, I’m sure I’ll have lots to show for it.

Best,

🆂🆄🆉🍊

Tap into positivity at Live Life Now, my new blog✨

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