21 Side-Eye-Inducing Moments From Existing As A Black Woman

Plus bonuses from a hotspot where bigotry feels free to cut loose

I started writing this article with a heading related to the 3 most racist things that have ever been said to me.

Then I started listing them out and before I knew it I was up to five and then ten and then twenty!

I have existed for over three decades in my beautiful form as a black woman. The world often does not share my sentiments about the value of my existence. It shows its disapproval in many ways — both covertly and overtly.

Seeing Blackness as of less value than others has become so normalised in many cultures that people spout bigoted statements with the misguided notion that they are being objective — or even progressive.

The list below includes things that have been said or done to me personally by both strangers and people that I love and respect.

Why have I chosen to write about it?

Great question.

The crime of race-based discrimination is not victimless, the evils it causes are extensive and widely documented. However, there’s a troubling trend of people claiming that they should be absolved of the consequences of racist sentiments they express by reason of ignorance or good faith.

Ignorance and good intentions mean little when the result of your actions cause trauma to others. The onus is not on Black people to grow thicker skin to appease the world’s guilt. Our skin is so thick it’s cracking and bleeding.

Besides, it serves neither me nor fellow minorities to stay silent about the racist treatment that we endure.

21 Side-Eye-Inducing Moments From Existing As A Black Woman

1. Do they speak English where you come from?
2. Are there houses/roads/cars in Africa?
3. Your people are malicious and vindictive. (Said to me by a fellow African — non-Black, who got queried by HR due to several complaints about their treating Africans differently to Westerners)
4. Do you speak Ghanaian?
5. Can I touch your skin?
6. Black skin is thicker than white skin.
7. Why should you being African mean that you know more than an American about the continent? (Said in a Wall Street interview in 2011)
8. Does it (your colour) rub off? (Said by a group of young kids in Edinburgh, Scotland)
9. So you have done all your schooling in America, right? (Said by a British manager who was impressed with my work)
10. Do you know ?
11. You must be a really good dancer? (Said on a dating app when during discussion on African music)
12. What do you actually do for your people? You should do more (Said to me by a white woman who imagined that her activism was more valuable than my daily lived experience)
13. Mixed race babies are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.
14. I don’t see colour (Said by a work colleague during a team meeting where the discussion was racial protests)
15. We should focus on ‘diversity of thought’. (Said by several senior-level executives on the subject of diversity)
16. They (Ghanaians) are not ready for leadership positions. (Said by several managers in a discussion about the large discrepancies observed in promotions-by-demographics across the company)
17. Your hair looks so nice, there are so many styles that you do. Can I touch it?
18. I don’t consider myself as one of them (meaning Black people). I have always been in white spaces. I was raised by white parents. (Said by a black girl raised in Italy)
19. I love Black girls. Have you ever dated a white guy?
20. I can see you married to a white man. (Said by a close friend and mentor)
21. Stay out of the sun, your skin will get darker. (Said by a close relative)

Bonus Round

I have rarely had a dignified experience flying into a Western airport (except Canada so far). As a Black person you are treated like some kind of stowaway — you can’t have got there legally.

The jury’s still out about why airports seem to bring out the most bigoted sides of people.

Here are two of the most blatant experiences I have had:

• While waiting in line to board a flight from Accra, Ghana to London UK. A white French woman walks past a long line of people shouting at the top of her voice that she has a business-class ticket. The mega-phone had just called for first-class ticket holders to line up to board after the disabled and people with young children. We all had business-class tickets. She had arrived late, missed the announcement and assumed that a queue of mostly black people couldn’t be headed for business class.
• In an queue at an airport in Dubai, the immigration agent would not take my documents directly from me and motioned that I place anything I wanted to hand over on the table. I observed him use the same system for all black people he checked but had no issues with being handed documents by white or Arabic passengers (male or female).

Intentionally, I have refrained from giving reasons for why these behaviours/comments are problematic. Some are more obvious than others.

This in itself is the struggle that many victims of racial bias face — first, the indignity of the experience, followed by hesitation to confront it or speak about it for fear of further abuse. The secondary abuse comes from those who challenge the validity of our experience.

As the option to remain silent is becoming more and more non-viable — I am pleased to see several voices joining the cause.

A Luta continua!