21 Lessons from 2021 That I’ll Be Taking into the New Year

Let every year be a year of learning

Every year comes with lessons. Some of them expected, some of them not quite. Some of them are new, some of them are echoes of lessons I’ve learned in the past but perhaps forgot. This year was no exception with its ups and downs, with second-guessing myself, with struggling, surviving, and then thriving.

Here are 21 things I learned. Twenty-one things that shaped my journey for this year. Twenty-one things I will take over to the next year and the next chapters of my life.

1. Health is wealth. It’s such a cliché phrase, but as my sisters and I realised — it rings true for everyone. In times like this, you’ve got to guard your health like it is your most treasured possession (and perhaps it is). Eat the right kinds of food, drink a lot of water, and be as stress-free as you can be. Take care of your body, as much as you can. I’ve learned to devote some time to doing short exercises on some days and playing a sport at least once or twice a week.

2. Anthony Brandt said it best: “Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.” My years of working in the corporate world robbed me of the chance to be with family for many years. I’m making amends now by spending as much time as I can with them. Somehow, when you’re all together — siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents — you feel stronger, like you can get through things as long as you stick with each other. In the end, no matter what rude things your friends and other people say about your family, and even if they’ve let you down in the past, you’ll still choose them over and over again.

3. Make time to grieve. We’ve all walked through our own valleys of sadness this year and the year before. We’ve lost friends, family, acquaintances, and even people we only knew in passing. Some of them succumbed to the virus, some of them had other diseases. Some of them were completely healthy one day, and the next day, they were gone. It’s easy to say, “I’ll deal with that later” when it comes to grief, not knowing that it piles so high and weighs so heavily until you feel like you are crushed underneath it. Face it, even if it is painful. And then let it go and let yourself grow with it.

4. You’re never too old to learn something new. People used to tease me for being the least sporty person in the world. Not anymore. I’m learning. This year, I started, and while it’s hard because I still close my eyes when I see the ball coming, I’m learning.

5. You’re never too old to fangirl. Sometimes, you need a little inspiration to keep you sane and a little something to make you smile when the days are hard.

6. Focus on one thing at a time. I started my freelance writing career just after resigning in 2019. Back then, I would gravitate between writing and event planning so fast — two of the things closest to my heart. I wanted to write. No, I wanted to plan events. I got to try a bit of both this year, and I still like doing both. But the thing is, if it’s a business, you should only focus on one thing at a time, especially if you’re starting out. It’s great to want to do both, and maybe you can in the long run, but it’s foolish to think you can give the same amount of effort 100% of the time.

7. Learn to stick up for yourself. I used to be the kind of person who would always say yes to anything to avoid conflict. Not now. Not anymore. I’ve learned to walk away from the things that aren’t for me and to stand my ground. Honestly, I like this change, though I know it is jarring for the people who used to know me.

8. If you can’t give a wholehearted yes, maybe it should be a no. This is something I learned from Greg McKeown’s Essentialism. If you aren’t fully convinced that you can say yes to a certain project, maybe you should sit this one out. Here’s the thing: saying yes is easy for me, so when I say no, it means I’ve thought it through a great deal and, even if it pains me, I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t for me. People will be surprised, but they should understand and respect you.

9. Lifelong friends will journey with you even if you are in separate seasons. And they won’t force you to change just for their sake. One of my favourite people is a friend I’ve had for a long time. We haven’t seen each other, but we still send messages once a week (or sometimes even every other week if we’re very busy). There’s no pushing, no shoving, no “I think this is how you should live your life.” But we ask each other for advice or help if we need it, and we always pick up right where we left off.

10. It’s okay to change your dreams. It doesn’t diminish who you are as a person. It doesn’t make you any less successful. I’m a big, idealistic dreamer. This past year has taught me how to make it more realistic. After all, you do want your dreams to come true. And it’s okay to tweak and fine-tune it to fit where you currently are in your life. It’s okay to let go of old dreams to give space to new ones.

11. To quote C.S. Lewis, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” This is true. Last month, I received an email from a client asking me to stop writing for them. They provided me stable monthly income that I could rely on and when they dropped me, I felt so vulnerable, so shattered. Plus, they said a lot of things that made me doubt myself. But then work from a better client came in that quieted my fears and showed me that I was on the right track.

12. Sometimes, you just have to be still. Those were my words for this year. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? But I stopped cold-pitching with desperation and writing in a flurried state of panic. I slowed down and wrote what I could. I looked up quality clients instead of pitching to whoever left and right. Then the clients started pouring in.

13. Learning to choose my battles is one of the biggest lessons I learned when I started working. And I’ve been able to apply it in so many aspects of my life. I realised that not everything I come across deserves a reaction. Not everything should irk me, make me annoyed or wage a war on Twitter. Some things are better left alone, especially if who you’re fighting with are 14-year-olds on TikTok who think they’ve got all the knowledge in the world. #justsaying

14. Let go of the expectations you have on other people who aren’t you. This includes the dreams you want for them. It’s their life; they know what they’re doing. You can give them a friendly suggestion, but you can’t make them do things they don’t want to do.

15. Mr. Knightley from Jane Austen’s Emma said it best, too: “Time, my dearest Emma, time will heal the wound.” I’ve spoken a bit about some of the worst times in my life, but strangely enough, what I’m realising is that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Whatever you may be going through at the moment, know that it may hurt like crazy today, but someday down the road, you’ll find that you’re okay.

16. You can’t see clearly if you’re wearing a different-coloured lens. All our experiences in life shape us and form the judgements we make on the circumstances that get thrown our way. So if we approach a situation while wearing a certain lens, it’s not going to help us one bit. In our minds, we’ve already made the conclusion. We’ve already judged a person or their profession. We’re already on the defensive. What helps is removing all the biases and trying to see things clearly.

17. Be kind to yourself. I’m the kind of person who is strict with myself. I’m strict about deadlines, strict about time, strict about not being able to do the things I’m supposed to do. For example, I mentioned that I try to make it a habit to do a sport at least once a week. But sometimes, I fail because of schedules…and end up beating myself up mentally. Sometimes, you just need to tell yourself “It’s okay. You’re doing the best you can.”

18. Be consistent. There will be days when you don’t feel like doing anything, but keep doing it anyway. Keep pushing, keep persevering, even if you have to crawl forward to do it. Even if every fibre of your being cries out in protest, do it anyway.

19. Make time to pause and relax. I always try to implement the Pomodoro timer when I work, so I remember to take a break. When I’m in the zone, I can be so focused I even forget to take bathroom breaks. I know the Pomodoro doesn’t work for everyone, but find what works for you that will force you to take breaks. And during those breaks, don’t work. Do whatever you can to relax. Sometimes, I read. Sometimes, I colour on my colouring app. Sometimes I watch video clips on YouTube.

20. Be flexible…but only for the better. There’s a thin line between being flexible and being reckless. You should be open to change, but only if you can see that it will make your life better. If it doesn’t, then maybe you should think about it first before taking the plunge.

21. Take one step at a time. Slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean you are hindering progress. Sometimes, you just need to enjoy and savour the moment and the things around you. It’s good to push yourself, but success doesn’t happen overnight. Your big break doesn’t happen overnight. Rather, it takes years of working hard and showing up, especially on the days when you don’t feel like it.

Let’s chat on Twitter where I love talking about books I’m reading, TV series I’m watching, or random things like travelling, dogs, and coffee.

Finished your free reads for the month but want to read some more? No worries! Become a member of Medium today. You can also subscribe to my email list and get notified every time I post a new story.