2023 Year In Review: Five Years Of Ongoing Momentum In These Challenging Times
“I had to go back! Back to the same ideals I had.”
This was from the story, New Kids, I wrote a few years ago. It was when I was at a crossroads of debating if I should continue running in my junior year of high school or if I would quit.
24.5 years later, I was at a similar crossroads; however, this time, it was more serious.
December 31, 2018
There I was, alone, sitting at the bar, waiting for my best friend to meet me. Ironically, it was the same bar my 20-year high school class reunion was and where I met up with Joe (a friend of mine from Middle and High School) shortly before he passed away.
At the time, all of those things seemed like a lifetime ago.
I was in a bad place. I was facing divorce, and it was affecting Matthew and Aidan. Divorce will affect any child, but for one (or, in my case, two) kids on the autism spectrum, the effects are amplified significantly, especially when they both had communication issues and learning delays at the time. Both of my boys were regressing as a result.
My mental and physical health was in serious decline, and a lot of people were showing great concern. I was the lowest point of my life. Who knows what would have happened if I would have continued on the path I was going on? There are some things I am better off not knowing. I didn’t know where I was going. All I knew was that I was back in my hometown, but my destination was unknown.
My best friend did eventually show up, and we stayed out until about 11:00 pm. He was there for me in my time of need. I was so exhausted in every way imaginable that I didn’t even make it to watch the ball drop.
I went to bed and fell asleep. I was glad the year was going to be over. I could have slept the entire year of 2018 if I had my choice, but with all the hard times one goes through, there is something to be learned.
January 1, 2019: It was a new year, a new life, but how?
In March of 2019, Aidan started to show interest in running, and I was starting to get better by that point. I was beginning to change in every way possible. I was throwing away the person I used to be; however, I was returning to the roots of who I was. I was becoming the person I felt that I should have always been.
In the last five years, I have been carrying on this momentum of being the best I could be in every area of my life. In some ways, I feel I have achieved more in the last five years than I did in the previous 20. This year was not an exception to that. When I think of 2023, I think of being challenged.
At the start of the new year, I was finishing up having sole physical custody of Matthew and Aidan. While this had started in October of 2021, however after a while, it was apparent that this would be ongoing for a very long time; therefore, I made it official.
It was Matthew’s 2nd year in high school and Aidan’s last in Middle School. There was a bit of sadness with my youngest son leaving Middle School. My two boys have been in the autism program at the middle school since late September 2019, when they transferred school district’s. It all started with a short period of time of in-person learning, then came the lockdowns due to COVID-19, and eventually back to in-person learning. It was as if we were saying goodbye to a wonderful phase of our lives.
As springtime rolled along, it was time for Aidan to get ready to run in our races again as we have done the last few years.
I did originally have aspirations for him to run cross country in high school; however, due to his after-school ABA schedule and due to the fact he needs someone to run with him at all times, this sadly wasn’t going to happen. Aidan, however, is very content with running with me and the running schedule I have been doing with him for the last few years. He has his running journey, and it will not be identical to mine.
I remember back many years ago when my two kids were toddlers, someone had questioned me if I was going to push either one of my boys into running. My answer was no. The reason for this is that when I started running, nobody pushed me into it. Running was and still very much is my own thing. I was going to do the same with both of my children. Whatever they were going to pursue would be up to them, including running. It will be at whatever level they want to take it, which I will always be very respectful of and supportive of. As long as Aidan doesn’t run faster than an 8:00-minute mile pace, I can still keep up with him in a 5k race.
Matthew continued with his creativity and art skills, and one of his creations was featured at an art show for the entire school district. It was quite an achievement for him, and he made me very proud that his art was being showcased.
I felt my children had achieved a lot this year, which led me to this hypothetical.
Where would my boys be if they didn’t have autism?
Matthew would be involved in something with the creative, and I do not doubt that. It is a talent that he has, from creating logos to creating stories to drawing and coloring. Matthew indeed has an interest and passion for the arts.
Aidan would no doubt be following in my footsteps, running cross country and track.
While my two boys did have a few standouts of achievement this year, I also had my mind set on some personal goals that I wanted to achieve.
One of the things I wanted to do early this year was to increase my running and writing. I started blogging more and improved my network in this area. If anything, it was long overdue, as many people have told me I need to write beyond just Facebook. I must admit it is nice getting my work recognized.
As far as the running was concerned, I continued running with Aidan as I have done for the last five years; however, I had a personal goal that I wanted to achieve. I was going to run the 10-mile Crim Race. I have run numerous 5k Races since I returned, and now I felt it was time for a new challenge.
Yet other things were going on outside of my ambitions. Aidan was graduating from Middle School and moving forward to High School.
The graduation had taken place. where I first saw Aidan run, and it is where Matthew had graduated from Middle School. In Aidan’s typical fashion, he ran up to the podium to receive his certificate of completion from Middle School. The years there at that wonderful school were nothing short of amazing.
As summer rolled along, Aidan and I were running. I was working, being a full-time parent, and trying to fit in the miles to train for this 10-mile race. I was ambitious, but I was struggling to fit in all the miles to train for this race. I could run it and even did a time trial where I ran around 9:45–9:50 per mile pace; however, looking back on it, I almost felt I was taking on too much. Training for a 5k race is less time-consuming than a 10-mile race.
A day before I was going to race, my car was caught in a flood, and as a result, engine damage was done to my vehicle. I ended up not running in the Crim for this reason. Whether or not I run it is very much an unknown at this point. I do have to be realistic about what I can do with the demanding schedule that I have.
There were also more challenges up ahead. Aidan had a bit of a harder time adjusting to the high school. He was missing Middle School. There were some struggles for him initially, and I had to advocate for some support and, amongst other things, for him, which, fortunately, the school and the staff were understanding. While he still has a few things to work on, I am proud to say he has made significant progress in the last few months that he has been at High School.
I am excited to see what 2024 brings forth for Matthew and Aidan.
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“We were a tight group and shared a lot of commonalities. We had our minds set on our goals, performance, and purpose. It was very much like a family environment. A bond that was unmatched by anything that I was involved with prior, and it was very special…The life lessons I have learned from running are what truly matters. Personally, those are the values that I hold dear to my heart.” -Steven Laine, from the story New Kids.
If you had asked me what were the hardest days of my youth, I would have to say it was the week of my 16th birthday. If you had said what was the hardest year of my adult years, I would say it was that period between divorce and returning to Berkley. Ironically, both of them happened in the month of December. One is the fifth anniversary of when I returned to my hometown and started the 2nd phase of my life, and the other one is the 30th anniversary of Danny passing (A friend and teammate of mine from cross country).
A year ago, I approached my friend. Andy. about an idea of doing a cross-country reunion of people who ran with Danny and having it at a local place, granted if there was enough interest. Andy was all for it and assisted me with contacting people whom we ran with back in those days. I do have to thank him for all of his efforts.
It was an amazing night. While we were there to honor Danny and his memory, in many ways, it brought everything full circle for me. The people who were involved in the cross-country program back in the early to mid-90s were very instrumental in the person I am today. I wouldn’t be the type of parent or advocate I am today if it wasn’t for them.
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I got lost along the way and returned to the person I was supposed to be five years ago.
New Year’s Eve is symbolic for me as it was when I went into the next phase of my life, which started five years ago…I wonder where the next five years will take me.
Have a Happy New Year, Everyone.