2021 Will be Different: How to Set Boundaries and Stand Up for Yourself

How setting boundaries delivers a way back to your soul

At the end of 2020, I took two weeks off from work, purely for myself. I felt devoid of any joy, and perpetually tired as many of us did. Like everyone else amidst this pandemic —I‘d be at home, but this time, without ANY work. Not one email. I shut down both of my work laptops. No chance for an email to ding. A total unplug. I had never done this before. Typically, my time off from work annually would involve a grandiose trip to somewhere far off, be it Africa, or Europe. Well, 2020 was no such year, as we all know! Yet, my spirit felt so suffocated, and over-worked by year-end, that I felt this sort of despondence after surviving the thankless corporate mayhem and stagnation in both my body and mind. I truly felt lost, and didn’t even know myself anymore.

What happened to my spark, my joy? People often sought me out for inspiration or to just to fill themselves up with whatever light and joy I could offer. Whatever it was, they found in me a spark, a joy of sorts. But lately I had felt more and more isolated, retreating from social media. I truly didn’t see in myself what I once knew was there. What happened to my light?

During this two week ‘unplug,’ my spirit felt drawn to quietude. It was a chance to just ‘be,’ and recognize that there were some layers of soot spiritually which I needed to dig through. I had become covered in nonsense, in ‘must do this,’ and ‘must do that,’ and go, go, go in the work sense. I had a complete lack of boundaries with regard to my time, and how others took it regularly. There was also a regular lack of physical body movement. Yes, I had continued my yoga practice twice per week with my teacher via Zoom, and yes, my partner and I continued walking together regularly- but during the day there was an intense stagnation of being on Zoom calls back to back to back for sometimes 8 hours at a time (inhuman!). I had not set any boundaries for myself, and it had shown.

After 10 days of time ‘off’ in December, I slowly, steadily, came out of what I’d call a grey, heavy mood. I actually thought I’d never feel good again. I wondered if this malaise had set in for good? I am normally someone who is always laughing and smiling, but I’d lost my inner child and joy. I wondered if I could summon help from above to find my true self, to begin to find a shovel, to dig myself back out again from whatever this grey was. It was as if I’d ignored my true self for an entire year, just to survive.

I began to sit quietly outside, without anything. Just looking. Noticing. The trees. The birds. Myself sitting. It was sublime. Even my boyfriend remarked how wonderful it was to see me without any form of distraction. Not even a book (although I did read during this timeframe, and finished 2 books actually). But it was so key to be able to sit without ANYTHING. And just be.

Eventually, my spirit began whispering that I should begin to volunteer on a podcast. Despite having a very high level executive position with a huge global corporation by day, working many long hours and having a team — I still needed to find a way to nurture my soul. So while I work extremely hard in my ‘career,’ I have always felt it is not ‘me.’ It is how I make a living. Just like my body is not “me,” given I am eternal. Well, I respect my body of course, and attempt to take good care of it being it is the vessel I can experience life within. So I do not mean to downplay that. But all these heavy realizations aside, I had this idea that I should be volunteering on a podcast. And so, after a few Google searches, I came upon a site in Los Angeles that listed where to volunteer to assist in the arts. One particular podcast had a listing for a volunteer producer. It said it required just 3 hours per week. This sounded perfect! With a very taxing regular job, this would be something I could actually do. So I cold wrote an email to the podcast listing, explaining who I was, why I was drawn to this, and asked if I could be of service. As if the universe heard me calling, the host of the podcast wrote me back immediately! We set up a conversation just before I returned to work, to discuss how I might want to engage as a volunteer. And so it began.

I am now volunteering regularly with this art podcast, and am thoroughly enjoying it. I have immersed myself in learning about contemporary art, and am finding a nourishment here intellectually, but also spiritually. I am now adjacent to the arts, which is something my spirit truly craves being near. My skills in editing, and interviewing to screen potential artist/writer guests has created a spark again within. There is such enjoyment from having this way to contact artists and writers, and conduct interviews, and share my findings and insights with the host about whether they’d make a good podcast guest. Its something that is coming natural. And so far, I have evidently delivered above and beyond what this podcast host could ever have wished for! He is already eternally grateful for my services. And there is the satisfaction of knowing I am donating my time as this isn’t for money, but purely to help someone else. There is a beauty in that. And, its volunteering to assist with something I believe in. The arts.

Its now February, and I have consistently used my time on weekends to provide help and research in support of this art podcast, to the degree that the host now recognizes me regularly on his show by saying my name. That made me cry. It was such a small thing, but such a big thing. I planted this tiny seed, and already it is sprouting and causing this chain reaction of good, not only within myself, but for this person who is so grateful for my help. And part of me wonders, will anyone I actually know in my real life ever hear this podcast and connect the dots? It would be like two very disparate planets colliding! Who knows. Probably not, but it feels good to have this duel life, if not to plant a seed of hope for where I could transition into as a career later. I can’t help but wonder if small things like this could build into something else for me later, years from now. It could be the first small tributary of a path off of this crazy corporate river — a path to a different form of living where someday I could change careers. The trick of my current career is that it does afford me the ability to save quite a bit for retirement, but I am planning my escape by doing these things on the side. I do dream of being able to change careers someday. And while I do not yet know where this small podcast could lead, I am going to continue following this whisper, and just trust.

Apart from this, during my ‘unplug,’ I set 2021 intentions. But rather than just hopes or dreams, these were real, actual habits I would implement in 2021, no matter what. Things I would hold myself to — habits, not ‘goals,’ because habits make us who we are. Without a regular habit, it is truly impossible to accomplish great things. I have always known this, but never truly put it into practice consistently. Aside from flossing, that is. :) After all, we’re all human. And we all have weaknesses. And who doesn’t want to just drink a Coke and eat a chocolate chip cookie and forget about responsibilities for a while? I know I do. Or who wouldn’t want to sit outside, and zone out in the sunshine having a sesame bagel with cream cheese and a warm latte. Those are great things. I digress. So, I decided to set some true habits this year, to carve out something for myself and set some real boundaries. This was critical to avoid getting lost in 2021 again, in the punishing, grueling pace of what I currently experience in corporate america.

My first intention was to wake up at 5am, and be in bed by 9pm, every day. Did it work? Mostly. I managed to get myself to a wake up by 5:45am and to be in bed by 9:45pm. This is quite a feat actually, as it took several weeks to work back my inner clock to this degree. I’m now waking up before my alarm at 5:45am. Its a beautiful thing! Rest is the foundation of ALL THINGS.

This rest, and consistent rest schedule enables me to pursue my second new intention — which is to meditate, and write in my journal, every morning before work. This piece was truly like standing up for myself, and for my spirit. It was something I would gift myself, each and every day. To carve out time to just be, and to listen to the inner thoughts, or whatever my body and soul were feeling was difficult to make myself do, but very necessary and rewarding. It continues to be difficult, because any manner of distraction awaits. Every day! But by just committing to do this before I do anything else during the week, it creates space. Even when my mind is racing or extremely stressed with whatever responsibilities await, it still creates calm and space within myself. It is a practice that almost feels like it creates time. When you can actually feel the quiet within, and touch that deep space even only for a second, there is an aspect where time and space seem to disappear. You recognize you are ok. You can touch that depth and recognize it. It provides such solace for me. I’m not saying I touch that depth every day, but I try. Even trying has served to carve out a peace for me. Its a bit of a resilience reservoir. Its almost as if I stood up for my soul and said “I deserve this moment.” It has provided me such perspective, where I see ‘noise’ in my daily life in work scenarios which may have previously bothered me but now just seem to be ebbs and flows in the drama of existence.

The third intention was to mandate a time to eat, and walk, every weekday. This seems simple, but with back to back meetings all day every day (8am-6pm), there were days when I would not eat or ever move from my chair. Disgusting that this is even our work culture, but I realized that unless I create this time for myself, nobody will. And so — I scheduled this time. 2021 would be different. Each weekday, I block out time to take a neighborhood walk, which lasts 22 minutes exactly. This is JUST enough time for me to throw on my sneakers, complete the walk, grab a drink of water, and sit back down for my next conference call. And WOW does it help. The simple act of going outside for this pause, feeling the sun, unwinding if just for a moment, pays off in dividends, and its good for me. The lunch break has been more difficult as I prioritize the walk, yet by scheduling this time, I do always eat now, regularly, and find a moment to step away from my computer. Hallelujah!

Finally, I created a couple of other smaller goals which I haven’t yet realized, but have been kind enough to myself to recognize that this is OK. The goals were to read two books per month, and write two Medium articles per month. I am on track for books, but not for Medium. Playing catch up here. But, the art podcast has taken precedence. I had to follow that path. And now here I am, making up for lost time on Medium. :) .

I know not where this article goes, except for the hope that it touches someone out there, and inspires, if only to remind you to do whatever you need to find a path back to yourself. Feels as though we’re all struggling in this thing called life. But finding tiny threads of joy makes life a beautiful thing. May everyone find their tiny thread and continue to follow it, no matter how oppressive your current situation may be.