2021 In Review

5 lessons from the hardest year of my life

I am typically very optimistic. I have visions for the future that give me a great sense of purpose. Most of all, I see opportunities all around me. Going into this year was no different.

In fact, it was a year with a lot of upsides to starting. The writing was going well, my day job wasn’t taking up extra hours of my day, we were starting to get into a groove with our littlest. And then we found out we were pregnant again!

Unfortunately, this is where the story turns. At eight weeks, we lost the baby. We did one of those early gender tests and found out our baby was a boy, he was our first son. From this point on, the year took a turn.

The trauma of a miscarriage took a toll on my wife. Which completely makes sense. For me, well, for me it was something else. It was as if it opened old wounds that I had learned to cope with or buried down deep. And while I wanted to put on a good face and be super supportive of my wife, I was in turmoil most of the time.

But, we soldiered on. In an attempt to chase joy in a time of sadness and grief we bought a puppy. A cute little Pomeranian which we thought would get a little bigger. Turned out the “breeder” lied. But we loved him anyway. He was a good lap dog and great with the kids.

Then, as suddenly as he came into our lives he was gone. This little guy died just a few weeks ago. And, in one swift moment, everything that we had felt with the miscarriage came flooding back.

Since then, well, it’s really had me reflecting.

As you might have noticed, I haven’t been publishing as often. I’ve mostly been sitting in whatever quiet moments I can find. In these times, I have realized some things about myself that might help you if you’re having a hard year too.

A couple of things to note: I’m not writing this looking for pity or to take advantage of whatever it could be. I’m writing this to put things to words that help me better understand. Also, this year has been rough, but there have been some shining points in the year too. It’s not all gloom.

#1 — The Importance of a Plan

This year, I did something I hadn’t done in more than five years. I went without a life plan and goals. I don’t remember why I decided to forgo these things, but it was a big mistake.

When things got hard this year, I didn’t have a plan or goals to fall back on. This made work, life, family, and even other relationships hard because every priority in my life was messed up because of grief and my lack of a plan.

If there is anything I’ve learned that is so important, it’s having some kind of plan or goal. Whether it is as simple as some things you want to accomplish or a full-on life plan.

We all need to have some plans to fall back on when the going gets tough.

#2 — Importance of Relationships

We all need to have trusted friendships in our lives. Not simple acquaintances, but people with who we can trust and share life no matter the situation.

Whether it was at the miscarriage, our entire household getting sick, or whatever else we had some really great people who stepped up. Those relationships helped carry us through some of our worst struggles.

I’ve also seen this true for my friends. There have been some things that have happened this year where I know my friendship mattered to people in my circles too. It’s helped marriages, lives, and mental health.

We all need to have close relationships with a few people who have our backs and we can have theirs.

#3 — Importance of Boundaries

I’m not responsible for other people. Well, not for other people outside of my wife and daughters. It is not my place to tell people how to live, vote, care for themselves, or whatever else.

And, it’s not their job to do that for me. No one else can tell me how to live my life. I can’t leave my health, wealth, or happiness dependent upon outside forces. These are my responsibilities.

When we have healthy boundaries in our lives, we can experience a lot more freedom and happiness. We also can learn a lot about taking care of our physical, mental, and spiritual health when we take control of those things for ourselves.

Appropriate, healthy boundaries can unlock a lot of strength, happiness, and freedom in our lives.

#4 — Importance of Space

We all need a little space. Whether that’s physical land space. Or mental and emotional space. Sometimes it is even an intellectual space to think and make a decision. Space is so important for us to be who we were made to be not be who people want us to be.

We live in a culture that overcrowds every part of our lives. Whether that is living in giant cities, or being super connected by social media, we reduce the space we need to experience peace and joy.

It’s okay to turn off our phones. We need to get out and go for a walk in wide-open spaces. There is a need to turn off the news and put down the tablets to simply find a little space away from all the world's problems.

The more space we put into our lives the more peace and joy we can find.

#5 — Importance of Wealth

I’m not talking about dollar signs. Well, not completely. What I am talking about is what we call wealth. It’s having time, close relationships, and health to enjoy these things.

Typically, money is a tool to help us reach this kind of wealth. Not by buying happiness, friendships, or plastic surgery. But, we can earn mo we independently so our employers can’t tell us when we take a vacation. Or when we can grab coffee with a friend.

Yes, I want to make more money. But my reasons are different now. It’s to spend more time with my family, to take care of my health, and to have the space and freedom to live the life I want that isn’t dictated by anyone else.

Understanding and gaining wealth is based on our definition of wealth, not on money in the bank.

Final Thoughts

This year was hard. There is no doubt about it. Yes, we had some good things happen. But it was damn hard. I don’t want to relive it. And I don’t want others to experience what I’ve experienced.

While this year was hard, there were some really valuable lessons learned. These lessons are going with me into next year. And they aren’t exclusive to people having a hard time.

All of these lessons will inform the way I see the world next year. They will make a difference in how I respond to the world next year. Most of all, they will help me become a better person in 2022.

What are some lessons you’ve learned in 2021 that will law a difference for next year? Share them in the responses below.

J.R. Heimbigner is a #1 Bestselling Author on Amazon who loves helping people grow in their faith, find productivity success, and help writers become authors. You can connect with him on Medium, his website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Faithful.