20 Years On: Dear Deidre, I’m Sorry I Blanked You In 2001

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

1518

Abstract

w my mum and cheerfully said “Hi” to us as we walked towards her.But here’s the problem.I didn’t respond. I completely blanked her. I don’t know why. It’s like my brain just froze and I didn’t know what to say.Of course, I could have just said “Hi” and smiled, like any normal person. Seems such an easy thing to do, right? But for whatever reason, it totally evaded me in that moment.After walking on towards the building, I turned around to see Deidre looking at me with a baffled expression on her face.But it gets worse.You see, after that, whenever I passed her I would blank her again. It was as if I had passed through some threshold I couldn’t return from.In fact, one time, about 3 years after the original incident, I looked at her with an evil scowl on my face. My mental health was suffering at the time, so I was feeling like shit anyway, and the last thing I wanted to do was cheerily say “Hi” to someone I’d been avoiding speaking to for the last few years.As time went on, I tried my best to just avoid her where possible. The problem was, she bought a house up my street.Once, when there was a little festival in my local park, I saw her there. As I started to walk in her direction, I saw a distinct look of discomfort on her face. Possibly even disgust. So I avoided her again.But in recent years, I have made more of an e

Options

ffort to break this old habit. Whenever I see her now, I make sure I smile and say “hello”. She does respond positively, but I always get the feeling there is still some awkwardness there.About 3 years ago, when my cat was violently killed by local dogs, she responded on Facebook with a nice message of condolence. I thanked her. I almost wanted to take that opportunity to say, “Deidre, I’m sorry that I’ve often been weird around you over the years. It’s not you, it’s me.”But I never did that. Instead, I just made a conscious effort to be as pleasant as possible to her whenever I see her. It just seemed like the easier option.More from me…<ul><li><a href="https://edward-john.medium.com/if-most-people-were-autistic-would-non-autistic-introverts-have-the-most-power-25c175ca81a4">If Most People Were Autistic, Would Non-autistic Introverts Have the Most Power?</a></li><li><a href="https://edward-john.medium.com/why-autistic-people-dont-necessarily-get-on-well-with-each-other-7f3dfc778931">Why Autistic People Don’t Necessarily Get On Well With Each Other</a></li><li><a href="https://readmedium.com/the-important-difference-between-introversion-and-shyness-why-they-are-not-the-same-722f6ffce7ba">The Important Difference Between Introversion and Shyness: Why They Are Not the Same</a></li><li><a href="https://edward-john.medium.com/membership">Join Medium to Read Unlimited Articles Per Month or Publish Your Own Articles</a></li></ul></article></body>

Years of awkwardness, all due to a stupid mistake I can’t explain

It wasn’t until I was 34 that I was finally diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. But in hindsight, I can see how my social difficulties have affected my life.

For example, there is this woman I’ve known since we were children. I’ll call her Deidre. Obviously, that’s not her real name. Her real name is Susan. I’m kidding, that’s not her real name either. It’s Mary.

Anyway, so growing up I knew who she was, but she wasn’t particularly one of my friends. She wasn’t one of my enemies either, just someone I knew who was in my year at school.

But there was a particular incident that happened when I was 23, and ever since then, things have been awkward.

It was the general election, and I went to the polling station to vote. I walked there with my parents, and as I approached the building we saw Deidre. She knew my mum and cheerfully said “Hi” to us as we walked towards her.

But here’s the problem.

I didn’t respond. I completely blanked her. I don’t know why. It’s like my brain just froze and I didn’t know what to say.

Of course, I could have just said “Hi” and smiled, like any normal person. Seems such an easy thing to do, right? But for whatever reason, it totally evaded me in that moment.

After walking on towards the building, I turned around to see Deidre looking at me with a baffled expression on her face.

But it gets worse.

You see, after that, whenever I passed her I would blank her again. It was as if I had passed through some threshold I couldn’t return from.

In fact, one time, about 3 years after the original incident, I looked at her with an evil scowl on my face. My mental health was suffering at the time, so I was feeling like shit anyway, and the last thing I wanted to do was cheerily say “Hi” to someone I’d been avoiding speaking to for the last few years.

As time went on, I tried my best to just avoid her where possible. The problem was, she bought a house up my street.

Once, when there was a little festival in my local park, I saw her there. As I started to walk in her direction, I saw a distinct look of discomfort on her face. Possibly even disgust. So I avoided her again.

But in recent years, I have made more of an effort to break this old habit. Whenever I see her now, I make sure I smile and say “hello”. She does respond positively, but I always get the feeling there is still some awkwardness there.

About 3 years ago, when my cat was violently killed by local dogs, she responded on Facebook with a nice message of condolence. I thanked her. I almost wanted to take that opportunity to say, “Deidre, I’m sorry that I’ve often been weird around you over the years. It’s not you, it’s me.”

But I never did that. Instead, I just made a conscious effort to be as pleasant as possible to her whenever I see her. It just seemed like the easier option.