20 Subtle Sarcasms We Normalize That Are Actually Offensive

While we use humor to hide abuse, we are hurting more lives than we know.

People say bad things all the time. But that doesn’t make it acceptable. In fact, petty sarcasm is often one of the most offensive forms of bullying. Yet they are the most difficult to spot.

A good sense of humor is always appreciated. Sarcasm in relationships, especially in romantic relationships, is great. And if you and your partner have a compatible sense of humor, that’s awesome.

What complicates the use of sarcasm in romantic relationships or any other relationship is that sarcasm is often an indirect and polite way of criticizing someone.

Those whose sarcasm masks hostility raise the specter of emotional abuse. It’s not just sarcasm but denial of their partner’s pain. The defensiveness itself is devaluing.

Subtle mean sarcasm we sweep under the carpet

Sometimes, people act goofy or say silly things in order to be made fun of. They enjoy the attention or the affection that comes with joking around.

But on another level, it’s really annoying when used on somebody else. Some examples of mean-spirited sarcasm we normalize include:

1. “You’re not hot like a potato.” 2. “I expected nothing, but I’m still disappointed.” 3. “As useful as a chocolate teapot.” 4. “No, I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.” 5. “If that’s what you want to do.” 6. “I don’t understand why you like that, but I guess it’s your thing.” 7. “You’re so lucky you got that promotion.“ 8. “I don’t mean to be rude.” 9. “You’re too sensitive.” 10. “I’m jealous of people that don’t know you.” 11. “You need lemons to make lemonade, and you don’t have any lemons.” 12. “Your friends never had any problems with it.” ​13. “You must have ironed your brain.” 14. “You eat food so aggressively that your Fitbit thinks that you are exercising.” 15. “Keep them guessing, don’t open your mouth and prove them right.” 16. “You’re just spare parts, aren’t you?” 17. “Easy now, don’t let your brains go to your head.” 18. “I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.” 19. “What a stick in the mud You need to lighten up!” 20. Shhh! (then put their finger on your lip. When you speak up about their rude comment)

Conclusion

Sarcasm can fail in two ways: it can be too benign and therefore boring, or it can be too much of a violation and therefore offensive.

Sometimes when people are “just fooling” or “making jokes,” they are really evil and bullying. So, if you find yourself being negatively affected by your partner’s sarcasm, it could be because they are indirectly criticizing you.

Aside from that, sarcasm has a significant impact on closeness and intimacy between partners in a romantic relationship.

If you would like to get updated with stories like this in your inbox, subscribe to my newsletter. You might want to become a premium member, for as low as $5 you get the chance to read unlimited stories on Medium. Check out more of my relationship stories here.