20 Questions To Identify Codependency

Characteristics of A Codependent Person

Relationship Addiction or Codependency

Codependency (also referred to as “relationship addiction”) is a learned behavior that is much more than clinginess to another person. It can be passed down from one generation to another.

It is an emotional behavior that does not allow an individual to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is frequently emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

The codependent person may plan their whole life around pleasing another individual (the enabler). The codependent person needs the other person, who needs to be needed. This circular relationship is exactly what the experts mean when they refer to the “cycle” of codependency.

Codependency Disorder

This disorder was identified around ten years ago during the study of interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. This behavior is learned by watching and imitating family members with this kind of behavior.

This disorder may affect a spouse, sibling, parent, friend or co-worker of a person impacted with drug or alcohol dependency. The pattern of this disorder may also be seen in families with chronically or mentally ill people.

What Is a Dysfunctional Family?

Members of dysfunctional families live with anger, fear, pain or shame, which is ignored or denied.

Typical characteristics include:

• A family member addicted to alcohol or drugs, relationships, work, food, sex or even gambling
• Existence of emotional, physical or sexual abuse
• A family member suffering from a physical or mental illness

Members of dysfunctional families live in denial as they do not acknowledge that any problem even exists. Since problems are not talked about, family members learn to repress their emotions, disregarding any of their needs.

Ultimately, they are survivors that deny, avoid or ignore difficult emotions. They detach themselves from the situation, and they usually won’t talk about it.

They never confront and usually don’t trust other family members. Therefore, these family members don’t develop an identity and their emotional growth is inhibited. They simply become survivors.

All the attention is focused on the person who is addicted or ill. The codependent person often places the other people’s welfare or health above their own.

Characteristics of a Codependent Person

Some of the most common characteristics of the codependent person include:

1. An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
2. Fear of abandonment oe being alone
3. Confusing love and pity with a tendency to love those they can rescue or pity
4. The tendency is to do more than their share every time
5. When people don’t acknowledge their effort they are hurt
6. The codependent person will do anything to hang onto the relationship to avoid the feeling of abandonment
7. The need for recognition and approval is extremely abnormal
8. Feeling guilty when they are asserting themselves
9. Compelling need to control others
10. Very difficult to identify their own feelings
11. Severe lack of trust in themselves or others
12. Very difficult to adjust to any change
13. Difficult problems with intimacy or in setting boundaries
14. Chronic anger issue
15. They often lie or are dishonest
16. Poor communication skills
17. Difficulty in making decisions

Questions To Identify a Codependent Person

Codependency runs in different degrees, and a qualified professional can make a diagnosis. These are some of the possible questions.

1. So you keep quiet to avoid any argument?
2. Do you worry about other people’s opinion of you?
3. Have you ever lived with a person that belittles you?
4. Have you lived with a person that has a problem with drugs or alcohol?
5. Are the opinions of other people more important than your own?
6. Are you feeling rejected when your significant other spends more time with their friends?
7. Are you having any difficulty adjusting to work or home changes?
8. Do you feel uncomfortable when expressing your own views?
9. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
10. Is it difficult to receive compliments or gifts?
11. Do you or have you felt inadequate?
12. Have you felt like a bad person when you make a mistake?
13. . Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you often wish someone could help you get things done?
15. Do you believe the people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
16. Do you have trouble talking to people and authority, like police?
17. Do you have confusion about who you are or where you are heeded in your life?
18. Are you able to ask for help?
19. Do you have trouble saying “no’ when asked for help?
20. Do you have so much happening at one time that you cannot do justice to any one thing?

Identifying with several of these questions indicates you should seek professional help. Arranging for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced with codependency

Final Thoughts

People who are codependent often have very low self-esteem, and they look for anything outside themselves to feel better. This may cause many self-destructive behaviors., although they often have good intentions.

As codependency is typically rooted in childhood treatment, therapy will often explore your early childhood issues. Treatments often include education, individual and group therapy in order for the codependent person to rediscover themselves.

They are guided to identify their self-defeating behavior patterns. The end goal is to allow people to experience the full range of feelings again and to establish healthy relationships.

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