Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

mulate it. (Like this article <a href="https://readmedium.com/17-effective-ways-on-how-to-say-no-10eca82de2bb">listing 17 ways to say no</a>.)It’s great to know HOW to say no. But will it really help you say it when the time comes? Or will your voice still be shaking when you have to go from theory to practice?Like in all things, knowledge is nothing without action.Here are 2 methods that will help you develop a new skill: saying no easily, whenever you need to say it.<h1 id="1ef3">1. Practice saying no daily</h1>Every new habit needs practice, especially when you struggle to adopt it. So you’ll need almost a daily practice. You’re probably thinking ”I don’t have a reason to say no every day”. Well, look for a reason. Create opportunities. Whatever you do during the day, find ways to say no to something, without heavy consequences.For example, if you have coffee with a friend, ask the waiter a question about one of the choices on the menu, like ”What do you put in your latte mochaccino”? They’ll tell you the ingredients and then probably add: ”Would you like one?”. Say no, just for the sake of it. Have an espresso.Do this as many times as you can (without becoming an impossible jerk, of course). It’s a good ”cure” for people who are way too kind and never dare to say no. If you think you’re annoying this poor waiter or seller, you’re not. It’s their job to answer questions and they won’t take it personally as long as you’re polite.This is an easy way to start saying no. And it’s important because it enables you to build assertiveness and courage to say no to more important things. You get used to hearing the word no coming out of your mouth.Here’s another example: you’re sitting in a park during lunchtime, or in a restaurant, or in a theatre, etc. If someone wants to sit next to you and asks ”Is this seat free?”, make a huge effort and say NO, even if you’re alone. Of course, you shouldn’t do this when the space is overcrowded and there’s really no other place to sit. But otherwise, have the courage to say no just for the practice of it. It won’t kill that person.You can also do this when someone asks you a favour. If someone at work asks you ”Can you help me with this file?”, don’t jump into it and say ”of course I will” like you usually do. If you know it’s not a matter of life and death, say ”No, I’m sorry, I can’t do it right now”. And if the guilt is really unbearable, you could add ”But I could squeeze this in my sche

Options

dule tomorrow morning if that’s okay.”At the end of the day, think about the opportunities you created to practice the unusual word ”no”, and how it made you feel.<h1 id="5eb3">2. Add some positive emotion to your NO</h1>If saying no is like torture for many people, it’s because it generates a lot of negative emotions, especially GUILT and FEAR.”I’m being selfish/ What will they think about me? /Will they survive without my help? What will happen if I don’t accept this?”Guilt and fear are two of the most destructive emotions for your emotional and physical health. You won’t be able to get rid of them very easily, because they come from a deep place. Whoever tells you ”well, just stop feeling guilty” doesn’t know how hard it really is.One thing that will help you though is replacing negative emotions with positive ones. You do this by adding something positive to your ”no”.There’s a magic formula for this: it’s the simple word ”BUT”.For example: ”No, I can’t have coffee with you today (although you’re free) but we could do this tomorrow.” Or: ”No, I can’t join you for this Zoom meeting, but I am sure Carol would love to be there”.Providing an alternative while still saying no will lower the guilt and add some positive emotion to your response. If you can, enhance this positive effect. Like in the example above: ”I’m sure Carol would love to be there. As a matter of fact, I’m sure she’s the perfect person to help you with this, because she’s actually much more skilful than I am on Zoom”.Inject as much positive emotion in your ”no” as you can, using the magic word ”but”, and also using your smile. If you smile when you say no to someone (a slight smile, not like you just got a huge raise), it will not only make it more acceptable, but unconsciously it will make YOU feel better about it.Do you think it will be artificial? It won’t. This is one of those cases where the saying ”fake it ‘till you make it” really works. At first, your smile might be a little artificial. But then, it will become genuine, because you’ll see that it really helps you say no easier, without offending anyone.So if you’re usually struggling with saying no, here’s a takeaway (and a challenge): I don’t know what time it is when you read this, but how many times will you be able to say ”no” today, just for the sake of this new practice, with a slight smile on your face?</article></body>

2 Ways to Start Saying NO Without Pain and Guilt

You might even feel good about it…

I have an angel in my family. I don’t mean someone with wings and an etheric body of course, but a woman who is so genuinely kind, that you can’t help but comparing her to an angel.

She is one of my cousins and she’s the sweetest, most generous, and loving person you can imagine. If you go visit her, she’ll prepare a delicious meal with all the things you love (she remembers them all!) and she’ll cover you in gifts like it’s your birthday! When you leave her house, your heart is so filled with love, that you feel like the happiest person on Earth.

I’ve never heard her say anything negative about someone, nor have I heard her say no to a request. She’s one of those people who never dare to say no, because her sweet nature wouldn’t stand it.

Unfortunately, my cousin is struggling with cancer, which is so unfair that I could scream.

I’m not saying that people who are too kindhearted and never say NO to others will necessarily get sick (although I do believe that there’s a connection between the two…). My point is: this is a person who always puts other people’s interests before her own, forgetting about herself and her needs. And that’s just an exhausting way of living, for anyone.

There are a lot of reasons why you should learn how to say no without going through an emotional hell. One of these reasons is that saying no when you need to is acknowledging who you are. It’s self-respect. It’s letting your true Self manifest itself freely, which is one of the keys to a healthy life.

If you have a hard time saying no, it probably makes you suffer almost in a physical way. Your heart is pounding, your stomach aches, you feel guilty, your voice becomes weak and you have a dry mouth. You avoid eye contact with the person you should say no to and more often then you should, you end up saying yes.

There are talented writers out there who wrote valuable advice on how to start saying no, what reasons to find, and how to formulate it. (Like this article listing 17 ways to say no.)

It’s great to know HOW to say no. But will it really help you say it when the time comes? Or will your voice still be shaking when you have to go from theory to practice?

Like in all things, knowledge is nothing without action.

Here are 2 methods that will help you develop a new skill: saying no easily, whenever you need to say it.

1. Practice saying no daily

Every new habit needs practice, especially when you struggle to adopt it. So you’ll need almost a daily practice. You’re probably thinking ”I don’t have a reason to say no every day”. Well, look for a reason. Create opportunities. Whatever you do during the day, find ways to say no to something, without heavy consequences.

For example, if you have coffee with a friend, ask the waiter a question about one of the choices on the menu, like ”What do you put in your latte mochaccino”? They’ll tell you the ingredients and then probably add: ”Would you like one?”. Say no, just for the sake of it. Have an espresso.

Do this as many times as you can (without becoming an impossible jerk, of course). It’s a good ”cure” for people who are way too kind and never dare to say no. If you think you’re annoying this poor waiter or seller, you’re not. It’s their job to answer questions and they won’t take it personally as long as you’re polite.

This is an easy way to start saying no. And it’s important because it enables you to build assertiveness and courage to say no to more important things. You get used to hearing the word no coming out of your mouth.

Here’s another example: you’re sitting in a park during lunchtime, or in a restaurant, or in a theatre, etc. If someone wants to sit next to you and asks ”Is this seat free?”, make a huge effort and say NO, even if you’re alone. Of course, you shouldn’t do this when the space is overcrowded and there’s really no other place to sit. But otherwise, have the courage to say no just for the practice of it. It won’t kill that person.

You can also do this when someone asks you a favour. If someone at work asks you ”Can you help me with this file?”, don’t jump into it and say ”of course I will” like you usually do. If you know it’s not a matter of life and death, say ”No, I’m sorry, I can’t do it right now”. And if the guilt is really unbearable, you could add ”But I could squeeze this in my schedule tomorrow morning if that’s okay.”

At the end of the day, think about the opportunities you created to practice the unusual word ”no”, and how it made you feel.

2. Add some positive emotion to your NO

If saying no is like torture for many people, it’s because it generates a lot of negative emotions, especially GUILT and FEAR.

”I’m being selfish/ What will they think about me? /Will they survive without my help? What will happen if I don’t accept this?”

Guilt and fear are two of the most destructive emotions for your emotional and physical health. You won’t be able to get rid of them very easily, because they come from a deep place. Whoever tells you ”well, just stop feeling guilty” doesn’t know how hard it really is.

One thing that will help you though is replacing negative emotions with positive ones. You do this by adding something positive to your ”no”.

There’s a magic formula for this: it’s the simple word ”BUT”.

For example: ”No, I can’t have coffee with you today (although you’re free) but we could do this tomorrow.” Or: ”No, I can’t join you for this Zoom meeting, but I am sure Carol would love to be there”.

Providing an alternative while still saying no will lower the guilt and add some positive emotion to your response. If you can, enhance this positive effect. Like in the example above: ”I’m sure Carol would love to be there. As a matter of fact, I’m sure she’s the perfect person to help you with this, because she’s actually much more skilful than I am on Zoom”.

Inject as much positive emotion in your ”no” as you can, using the magic word ”but”, and also using your smile. If you smile when you say no to someone (a slight smile, not like you just got a huge raise), it will not only make it more acceptable, but unconsciously it will make YOU feel better about it.

Do you think it will be artificial? It won’t. This is one of those cases where the saying ”fake it ‘till you make it” really works. At first, your smile might be a little artificial. But then, it will become genuine, because you’ll see that it really helps you say no easier, without offending anyone.

So if you’re usually struggling with saying no, here’s a takeaway (and a challenge): I don’t know what time it is when you read this, but how many times will you be able to say ”no” today, just for the sake of this new practice, with a slight smile on your face?