Asking These 2 Questions Helped Me Cope With My Impostor Syndrome

“It’s Not You, It’s Me.”

All of us, at some point in our lives, would have experienced impostor syndrome.

I have, you have, probably your dog has.

Defining Impostor Syndrome is easy and hard at the same time.

The feeling that your success is a result of pure luck, and not your talent or skills.

The feeling that you are not doing everything in your power to reach your goals.

The feeling that you lack the competence to be in the position that you’re in, and people are gonna soon find out that you’re a “fraud”, or a “fake”, or like Tony Stark said, “a billion-to-one cosmic fluke”.

Impostor Syndrome means different things to different people. It is not a disease per se, but if not nipped in the bud, it could have a chronic disease-y kind of effect on you.

We don’t want that.

Asking these two questions to yourself can help you open a window to a deeper connection to your soul. You’ll understand that you’re not a jerk, but a piece of work — a masterpiece waiting to be seen in its true beauty.

#1: Am I where I want to be?

The root cause of feeling like an impostor is the misalignment of expectations. It can either be your expectations of yourself or your surrounding’s expectations of you.

Imagine this. You’re tied to your desk, working your ass off in your 9 to 5. Your colleagues think of you as a highly productive, soon-to-be promoted superstar.

But you loathe your identity.

You don’t want to be that person who’s just a hard worker, capable of making his/her billable hours more than worth it for their employer. You want to be known as the approachable, fun-filled, take-life-as-it-goes kind of person. But you’re forced to play by the identity assumed by your environment — in this case, it is not even a bad one — and that taxes you mentally. You’re neither who you are, nor who you want to be.

This constant enactment of a personality who’s not you can end up making you feel inadequate to even perform the role that you’re assumed to perform excellently — because that’s just not who you are.

Tips, if you’re ever caught in these situations

Stop ignoring your feelings. You got to trust your gut feelings. If you feel that something is wrong, chances are, it is. Don’t fight it. Try to find out why you’re feeling the way you are. You’d be surprised to know that you already know most of the answers to questions you didn’t even know how to ask!

Speak Up. Draw the line between who you are and who you’re assumed to be. This might sound weird. But it is easier to have a weird conversation than to live in a life you didn’t choose.

#2: When was the last time I was proud of myself?

Realize that reaching a goal is always a process. There is no “take a shot, become ripped” scheme because you’re not Captain America. There’s also no “take a pill, reset your life” scheme because you’re not in the Matrix (or are you?).

Chances are, you’re nowhere near what or who or where you want to be. Or maybe you are, but you’re a Matthew McConaughey fan, and your Hero is always “You in 10 years”.

The problem is, when you chase your hero (or your destiny) for a sufficient amount of time, you start to feel a little “iffy”.

Am I ever gonna reach there?

Am I even worth something right now?

That’s when you go to the mirror, look yourself in the eye and ask, “When was the last time I was proud of myself?”. The answer need not be huge. You don’t have to win an Oscar or the Nobel to be proud of yourself. It could be anything — even that extra pushup you took to impress that blonde in the gym —even something so small that it would be insignificant at a later stage. But today, that’s something you’re proud that you did.

It’s these small realizations and affirmations that remind us that none of us are perfect. We’re all a piece of work. I certainly am. You possibly are. But it is this realization, that you’re getting better, even by a small margin, that gives you the confidence that you’re a lesser piece of work than yesterday.

The point of asking these questions

I’ll answer this briefly.

The first lets you figure out where you are.

The second lets you feel good about where you are.

You aren’t inadequate. You aren’t a fraud. And you certainly aren’t Captain America. What you are, my dear friend is just human.