Why Don’t Men Approach Women? — Women don’t even like men!

Some women are very frustrated with dating. They’re not understanding why men aren’t approaching them anymore. They’re attractive, smart, independent, and empowered. So why aren’t they getting the results they want?

What’s it like for men?

The normal response is, “well, men are the problem.” While that’s a very easy “hot take” to make, I want women right now to think about what recent life has been like for most men…

Since they were young, they’d been told they have the responsibility to approach women, court women, propose, pay for dates, protect women, and all the rest. Since middle school, maybe even younger. I remember when I was 11, and I was told I had to ask a girl to a dance. I remember an old friend of mine. Matthew explained that Helen “fancied me.” She wanted me to ask her out, even back then, I wondered.

“If she likes me why doesn’t see ask me to the dance?”

But you learn very early on that a lot is just expected from you as a boy/man. No questions asked.

A lot falls on a man’s shoulders when it comes to getting and maintaining any relationship, no matter how progressive we all claim we are. Don’t believe me?

As a woman, ask yourself this question:

How many strangers who you’ve found very attractive have you gone out of your way to talk to this year?
How many times have you asked someone out on a first date?
How many times have you initiated the first kiss?
How many times have you paid for the first date?
How many times have you planned the first date?
How many women do you know who have proposed to a man?

These questions aren’t for someone you’re already dating. I’m talking from dates 1–,3 maybe even date number 4.

I’m guessing you’re answered once or less, if that. For men who are actively looking, this happens about 15 times or more a year. For conventionally attractive men who “tick most boxes.” This happens around 20–30 times a year. They have to initiate all of those things.

If a man sees someone that is attractive, and the woman gives him mutual eye contact and open body language, then maybe they should approach and try to talk to her, right? At least, that’s the nomenclature that’s still being tossed around.

1. Rejection

Some women don’t really think about how much rejection men experience in their life in the pursuit of love. Let’s start with the bare minimum; imagine if, just ten times a year, you did all of the above and got rejected in all categories. Sounds pretty rough, right? That’s enough to make anyone with even a huge amount of confidence grimace at the thought of approaching complete strangers ever again.

Even conventionally attractive men experience so much rejection. I don’t think most women could handle the number of rejections men face on a yearly basis.

The average man, on the other hand, has to go through a lot more rejection; it’s unreal. I spoke about the imbalance of dating equality here.

2. Is it worth it anymore?

It used to be worth it for the rejection. You’d go approaching a certain number of women, you’d get a few rejections, to find the one you really liked, but eventually, one would find you mutually attractive you’d hit it off, and a budding romance might happen!

The first girlfriend I ever had and approached; I was 16 and met her at a friend's 16th birthday party. She went to a different school, so it was kinda a big deal. I’ll never forget the amount of courage and confidence it took to go up and talk to her.

But what happened? At some point, the excitement about having some happenstance meeting died. At some point, my fantasies of meeting a lovely woman on the London Underground died off. Why don’t men want to attract and approach modern women?

Some women don’t even like us

They don’t even try to hide it cause society doesn’t hold women accountable who constantly berate and jump on social media to tell us all how horrible men are. Admit it. By me being vulnerable and admitting how hard it is for men, you’re already seething and getting angry at me. You're probably thinking,

“but he doesn’t know how hard it is for women.”

I never could, but I’ll always try and empathize with and support women as I love them.

Unfotunately more often all not the opposite is rarely if ever true.

But what do we hear about men? Every day on social media, the news and hearing it in conversations and podcasts. Some women seem to scream from the highest mountains that they “don’t need no man,” men are trash, men are dogs or men cheat, men are dangerous, there are no good men, and all the rest.

These tweets were the first that showed up when I searched for the #menaretrash. Misandry, whether passive or direct, is a current trend and a decent amount of people think it’s justified because of the many atrocities that previous men before us have committed. Most men love and respect women.

I’ll say that again. MOST MEN LOVE & RESPECT WOMEN.

Yes, there are assholes, misogynists, and generally scummy men out there. It’s disgusting, and it’s not okay; they ruin it for the rest of us. Because of these trash men, it means these days we’re not getting that much respect, if any, which makes it harder for men to even want to approach a woman they don’t know.

When have you ever heard women recently just say how much they love, admire, respect, and want to be with a man? In any media platform? I mean that, for real.

Think about it.

I want to be clear when I say all these things. This isn’t some pseudo-conspiracy theory political propaganda bullshit. I’m just expressing what I read and see on a daily basis. I have to study, read articles and be up to date with all the news in the “dating universe.” This means I follow many Instagram dating pages, many dating blogs, and Tiktokers who discuss dating, read a bunch of dating and relationship books and watch most dating and relationship podcasts on youtube as well as dating shows on TV.

In all of them, the treatment of men is pretty universal now. Don’t believe me; see for yourself. Check out any dating, quote, or advice page on IG and see. It’s littered with people telling men that we’re doing wrong or so many things we’re doing that are treating women badly. You even have male dating coaches who only give advice to women telling them of all the wrongs men do. They pray off their heartbreak and trauma to make a fast buck. Why wouldn't they? We know that if you tell people what they want to hear instead of the truth, that’s where the money’s at.

Meanwhile, there’s a large subset of men that can barely get a date. They want to find a woman and start a family so badly but are left on the scrap heap of love because the top 10% of men that are sleeping around leave a mess for the good men to clean up.

There are hashtags dedicated to us purely based on spite and hate.

#menaretrash

#killallmen

#whydomenexist

Look em up on Twitter. They’re all up there.

Blanket statements are made about men as if it applies to all of us. So if one guy cheats on a woman. Or a lady has five bad dates in the space of 3 months. It’s “Where have all the good men gone?”.

Men, especially younger men, see, watch, hear and read these things. For some, we have the mental fortitude to read between the lines and dig deeper for a bigger meaning. For others, it weighs down on them and compounds enough that they fear any interaction with women will lead to verbal evisceration because they don’t want to be looped into that group of toxic men.

Men feel too

A lot of times, we don’t think men go through trauma the same way women do. We assume men are born with the special abilities to be able to “man up” and be emotionless when the occasion calls to be so, but men experience trauma in relationships just as much as women do. It just manifests differently.

It’s never encouraged to put yourself in the shoes of a man. We just think, oh, well, men rule the world; it’s the patriarchy, and shrug our shoulders. The male suicide rate increases almost every year for a reason. I can count on one hand how many times anyone has told me to cry or open up and be vulnerable.

The average man who makes $57,000 a year, does not have any power over the patriarchy or power over this, that, and the other. He’s trying to live and get through life just like you.

They’re good men. For the most part, looking to settle down, get a wife, have a girlfriend, have a relationship, and make a family. These men exist! But you don’t want them cause they’re not tall enough, rich enough, handsome enough in shape, etc.

Most men are not a part of this great conspiracy to put women down, but the messages have been put out there to a lot of women.

But there’s this odd narrative that men should be able to just take it because they are part of the patriarchy. Most men don’t want to deal with that; they just want to be loved. Just. Like. You.

Fear

A lot of men are genuinely scared. These days that’s the cold hard truth. There are women who,

Who would laugh if they reject men and post it on social media
Women who would make fun of them
Women who roll their eyes
Women who get angry and throw out insults
Women who straight up ignore them

These things are humiliating. It takes a lot of courage, a lot of strength for a man to walk up to a woman, especially in front of her friends. Trust me, I know, I’ve been rejected a few times and took it on my chin in front of them, but I can’t say it didn’t knock me back a few pegs.

So how are we going to change this narrative?

If you see a man that you think is attractive, try and initiate a conversation. If we truly want equality. Well, here it is.

Women have an option and freedom to face the reality that every now and then, they might have to make that first move. You’re going to have to approach those men that you find attractive.

What do you think? Should we cling to traditions of old and still expect the man to do the heavy lifting or are we people of our word and truly want things to be equal?

If you like this article, check out my book all about first dates: https://www.amazon.com/First-Date-Fix-great-first-ebook/dp/B09RWH5Q6Y/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3R5147W5EO65N&keywords=the+first+date+fix&qid=1648679254&sprefix=the+first+date+fix%2Caps%2C347&sr=8-1

Want to hear more dating pieces to get your dating up to your standards? Feel free to stalk my social media IG, Pinterest, TikTok, and Youtube.

Thanks for reading!

T.H.