15 Years Ago, I Gave Up Driving. Now I Come Back to the Wheel and Reenter A New Me

“Not to dread but actually to welcome conflicts and the pain of conflicts”

During the pandemic, I came to Canada. The first challenge was re-learning how to drive. This problem has bothered me for 15 years. I have never dared to face it. Now it’s time for me to deal with it.

Wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome conflicts and actually to welcome the pain of conflicts.

-by Dr. Scott Peck in his book ‘The Road less traveled’

This is a story about how to conquer one’s inner fear and rebuild confidence.

Getting a driving license once built my confidence

I got my driving license during my study in Germany, which meant to me more than accomplishing my study there.

For young people in Germany who grow up in the car, the road test is not a big deal. But for Chinese students in the 90s of the last century, it could be a nightmare. Most of us haven’t touched the wheel before we came to Germany.

One of my fellows is a Ph.D. in mechanical engineering. He failed the road test five times in a row. As a result, he had to take part in a special test to prove his intelligence.

When I took my first road test, I wasn’t confident. I have heard not one of my fellows passed the test for the first time. The examiner looked extremely strict on that very day, which made me more nervous.

Just minutes after the test started, I forgot the over-shoulder look when I changed the lane. The examiner stopped me right away. I failed.

In Germany, everyone must learn to drive in a driving school. The charge is based on driving time. If you failed the road test, you must go back to the driving school and continue to feed it with D-Marks (old German currency).

So once you decide to learn to drive, your adventure starts. You cannot retreat, and the money in your account flows away quickly. As a poor student, it was stressful for me.

“What would it be if I failed again?”

This kind of question tortured me endlessly.

It took another month and lots of money to practice driving with my coach. Before I went bankrupt, my second test came as scheduled.

Remember, no retreat!

This time, I concentrated on driving as if no other one was on board. I ignored the scrutiny of the examiner. I completed every movement accurately. My concentration worked well.

I got my driving license on the second try! I was so lucky!

At this moment, I was proud of having conquered my deepest inner fear and built self-confidence. I even believed that I was ready to welcome any problems in the future.

But I was wrong.

By giving up driving in Tokyo, I lost confidence

Two years later, my husband was sent to Japan by his company. We moved to Tokyo.

People drive on the left!

I imagined how I would drive when I sat on the right side of the car. The farthest left lane would be for the slower driver and the farthest right lane for overtaking. All the rules I have learned would be reversed.

My inner fear grew bigger and bigger. Eventually, it got rid of the courage to adapt to the local customs. The convenient public transport in Tokyo provided me one more excuse for giving up driving.

When I went back to my home country, I got used to taking public transports. Also, the busier and more chaotic traffics in comparison with Germany scared me deeply.

Before I came to Canada, I have ridden on public transports for 15 years. No wonder I forgot how to drive a car.

It was not a problem to choose public transport. Even giving up driving was my good right. The real problem originated from the conflict of my inner desire and fear.

I felt sorry for myself because I throw away the skill that I once obtained with much effort; But to keep on going with the skill, I would have experienced more pain because I must get used to the new situation both in Japan and in my country.

From the moment I decided to give up driving, my inner struggle has already begun. My heart couldn’t get a rest. In the end, I just pretended that the conflict didn’t exist and therefore I made no effort.

However, the pain didn’t disappear on its own. It hurt now and then.

Return to the wheel in Canad helped me to rebuild my confidence

After I came to Canada, the desire of driving became stronger and stronger over time. I couldn’t neglect it anymore. However, I faced the same problem.

Even though the traffic here is similar to Germany, I have to start over with getting familiar with almost everything, for example, traffic rules, and operating with brake and throttle confidently.

Am I ready for this challenge? Do I want to experience the new pain?

If I kept escaping from my inner conflict, then I wouldn’t be able to drive a car anymore, from which I would suffer forever.

“Don’t miss this chance again! Give it a shot!”

I heard the call from deep in my heart. I followed my heart. I started over.

In the first week, I only practiced in my neighborhood with less traffic. I made many stupid mistakes.

Once I noticed a stop sign so late that I overreacted when I saw it. Both of my feet stepped down at the same time, and the car screamed terribly.

Later on, I gathered my guts and merged my car into the normal traffic. Many drivers overtook me because I drove only 30 to 40 km per hour, which made me an obstacle on the way.

But practice makes perfect.

After a while, I felt comfortable with 50–60 speeds. When I finally drove on the highway, I couldn’t believe that I made it.

It felt that a new me was growing. My inner fear was gone. There is no struggle, no pain in my heart. I feel relaxed and free. It is a new me with joy and confidence behind the wheel!

By experiencing pain, I overcame my inner fear and solved the conflict, which satisfied my soul and made me feel peaceful and happy.

Life is full of conflicts, depending on their nature. These conflicts evoke in us frustration or grief or sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or anguish or despair.

In solving conflicts, new conflicts will arise, and these new conflicts will bring more pain. That’s why many people rather ignore conflicts instead of attempting to solve them.

But in this way, conflicts wouldn’t go away on their own, and the pain originated from those conflicts would never soothe.

Only if we muster up the courage to face the conflicts and be willing to experience new pain, we can resolve the conflicts and settle our soul and body.

In the end, we will rebuild our confidence and enjoy reentering the new self.

Thank you for stopping by.