Truth In Satire

15 Undeniable Signs That Melania Is Filing For Divorce—For Real This Time

The phony matrimony is finally coming to an end, and here is the irrefutable proof:

1. A miserable Melania has told her therapist that she no longer feels “Donald is serious about working on the relationship”
2. Friends say the two aren’t as giggly and playful with each other as they were before his January 6th insurrection
3. The quarreling couple has canceled plans to renew their wedding vows in Maui this fall (of all places)
4. Mail order bride catalogs from Slavic countries have begun showing up at Mar-A-Lago again
5. Melania is in talks with Oprah about an exclusive, post-marriage “tell-all” interview
6. She has agreed to be a key witness for Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis at her soon-to-be, ex-husband’s Georgia election trial
7. The former Flotus has already spoken to floral designers about her celebratory “Estrangement Arrangement”
8. The Trumps are no longer playing their daily round of golf together at his Bedminster course
9. A banner was recently spotted hanging from an upstairs window at Mar-A-Lago that read, “SAVE ME ANYONE, PLEASE!”
10. In a private ceremony, Trump bestowed his wife’s luxurious, double-wide seat on his eponymous jet to Lindsey Graham
11. Melania has been seen having lunch with Jill Biden
12. Trump is now calling Barron, his youngest son, “The bastard child I had with that Slovenian model”
13. Hinting that revenge is best served right before an election, Melania has scheduled her official divorce filing for E-Day eve, November 4, 2024
14. Trump has started wearing his favorite pick-up tie again
15. The former First Lady has dusted off her famous “I Really Don’t Care, Do You?” jacket, but changed the message to read, “I Really Don’t Care To Be Married To A Indicted Criminal Anymore, Do You?”

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–AI