15 Types of Highly Annoying People

We all know them. We just don’t want to be them.

They are our colleagues, neighbors, and in-laws.

They are the fellow parents we try (but can’t) avoid at PTO meetings or our kid’s soccer practices.

And, sometimes, these folks are even our parents or friends.

They are the people who make us bite our tongue, roll our eyes, and curse under our breath.

They are the people that are annoying as f*ck.

And while everyone knows at least one of them, virtually no one likes any of them.

The person who plays the martyr.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m only dying over here…but I’ll be okay,” says this person…about their paper cut. They are a walking contradiction, the king and queens of passive-aggression. “Yoo-hoo!” they scream from the corner of the room with their hands waving in the air. “I’m over here! I’m trying to tell you to ignore me!”

The person who feels they’ve cornered the market on pain and suffering.

Like a martyr…but meaner. You’re sick as a dog and would love nothing more than to dive under the covers and remain there, but Thing One’s diapers aren’t going to change themselves and Thing Two wants grilled cheese and goldfish crackers. This person calls in the midst of all this to ask how you’re feeling, and when you tell them, they get pissed off at you because they’re the ones who are supposed to always have it worse. And they’ve got no problem reminding you of it.

The person who revels in being an inconsiderate shopper.

You’re fifth in line at Walmart, and from the looks of things, you’ll be stuck there until 2047. You’ve got a meeting to get to, you have to go to the bathroom, and your phone’s battery is just about out of juice. It’s the perfect sh*t storm. And then the guy behind you — the one with a lone bottle of mouthwash — asks if he can take cuts. Sidebar: This person is related to another unsavory soul — the a**hole who rides the merge lane until he absolutely can’t anymore and then expects you to let him in at the very last minute.

Liars.

Need I justify this category with an explanation?

The person who thinks it’s always about them.

These are the kinds of people who high jack the toast at your wedding reception to spread the word that their mate has popped the question or use the peak of your baby shower to announce their own pregnancy. These are also the kinds of people who go on to e-mail you unsolicited school portraits of their children — after they’ve posted them on Facebook. And Instagram. And Twitter.

The person who attaches himself to the identity of others.

This is the person who calls everyone bro and sis — even acquaintances. They are perennial suck-ups. They hype others like it’s their job — so much so that their own self-esteem becomes nonexistent. Being liked is not their biggest goal — it’s the only one.

The person who posts everything on Facebook.

And when I say everything. I do mean everything: The fact that it’s raining, what they’re having for dinner, marital troubles, and more. It’s all fair game. Oh, and remember that horrible photo you took back in 2007? The one you wish you had burned? Well, you best believe this person posted it — and they’ll keep on posting it when it pops up in their memories. Year, after year, after year…

The person who thinks life — and everything in it — is a competition.

This person somehow thinks they’ve arrived because they have more social media followers than you; they’ve lost their baby weight faster than you, and they’ll conveniently remind you that they’ve sprouted nary a gray hair when you’ve just plucked a box of Nice ‘n Easy off the shelf at CVS.

The person who likes to rain on your proverbial parade.

You casually mention to this person that you’ve spent the afternoon baking your son’s favorite chocolate chip cookies. Their reply? “I hate chocolate chip cookies.” Or you tell them you’ve found the Audrey Hepburn box set on sale for a steal. Their comeback? “Ugh. Her movies suck.” These kinds of people reek of a particular fragrance called Eau de Killjoy.

The person who delights in Internet bullying.

We all know this person…but, wait. Actually, we really don’t because they prefer to use an alias when they cruise from site to site leaving a bevy of distasteful comments in their wake. This person writes with conviction about something they know nothing about. And here’s something else they definitely don’t know: How to conjugate verbs and how to use spellcheck.

The person who is allergic to boundaries.

They talk about your business like it’s theirs (because they are “so concerned for you,” blah, blah, blah). They routinely show up to your home unannounced. Don’t want your children’s photos posted on social media? These people don’t care; they’ll post them anyway. These people also give zero f*cks about doling out unsolicited advice on your parenting skills or career decisions because they, of course, always know best.

The person who attempts to control you through technology.

To you, a text message is merely that: a message. You’ll get to it when you can. But to these people, a text message is akin to a court summons or a leash to be yanked on a whim. These people expect an immediate reply, and nothing less. These are also the types who turn your phone into an involuntary alarm clock when they text you before the sun comes up — never mind that you’re sleeping; they are wide awake and that’s all that matters.

The person who judges everyone — and everything — like it’s their job.

This person lives to remind you that everything you do in life is wrong, but they’ve somehow managed to do everything right. Yeah, okay. (Insert eye roll here.)

The person who pretends to care about you.

This person will vow to help you in any way they can. And as soon as you turn your back, they’ll help you, all right: Help you right over a cliff.

The person who’s only happy for you if…

…they can have exactly what you have. Or better.